Jagged Blatherings

Ever Have

2012-01-29T18:16:00.001-05:00

One of those days where you find yourself singing hate songs?

Love and Walls

2012-01-10T11:07:00.000-05:00

My feelings were running a marathon and hit a brick wall because they misjudged their distance. And since I was all ready to keep running, I stood back up and tried to find a way over, under or around the wall. Sometimes I kicked and screamed and cursed the wall, sometimes I grabbed a rope and climbed with the determination I had never seen, other times I stood and stared at the wall thinking, there has got to be a way to move this damn thing out of my way. But what happened was, I found myself sitting on the ground, with my back leaned up against the cold bricks, shaking my head and screaming STUPID WALL.

I guess that not all brick walls are made to be broken down, or gotten around. Some times walls are put up to show you that you need to turn around and run the other way.

Click, click, la la la

2012-01-05T10:27:00.002-05:00

Sometimes you just don't have words that can explain how you feel, so you use pictures. Or sometimes even music. Today, I am going to use both. I know...going out on a creative limb huh? Or not. Whatever.

What It Brought

2011-12-30T12:24:00.000-05:00

I've done a lot of complaining about 2011 lately, but in true me style, I took a moment to stop and smell the roses and even though it was a brief moment, I want to write about the good things that 2011 brought me.

I stepped up my golf game. I'm still working on it, but it's better.
I lost those 20 pounds that were making me feel like a beached whale.
I got a promotion at work.
I survived my car accident. It wasn't bad but still, it could have been.
I bought a new car. Which I LOVE.
I went to California again, which oddly enough was on my 2011 to do list.
I left the country for the first time.
I spent a day in London alone.
I spend days in Jordan and learning so many new things.
I made new friends.
I became closer to God, then moved away again and then moved closer again.
I fell in love. I don't have much else to say about that, other than I am trying to recover from not being able to be with the one that I love.
I learned what it feels like to be looked at by a man like nothing else exists.
I remembered what it's like to feel beautiful.
I started my Masters Degree.
I made an A in my first class.
I stood by my best friend as she married an amazing man. Truly maybe one of the only few good ones left.
I saw my friend who had given up on love and happiness, find someone and get married.
I saw a few good friends survive cancer. :)

Yes, there were bad times in 2011, may my dear sweet Grandmother, my hero, rest in peace, but at the end of the day, my trials and tribulations are what makes me stronger.

I still feel a little run down and a little off my game. My heart still aches and wishes for a different time and place. But I am healthy, I am successful, I am loved (even if it's not by a man), I have my family and friends, a home, a career, food on my table, clothes on my back, running water, electricity and the bare essentials of life that so many take for granted.

2011 brought new beginnings, sad endings and hopeful tomorrows.

I hope 2012 will do the same. I know it can't be all butterflies and rainbows but as long as the good and the bad balance each other out, that is all I can ask for. Anything more will be just more blessings to count.

Happy New Year!

Please

2011-12-24T21:48:00.000-05:00

Can this holiday season go away. I certainly hope 2012 has something more in store than 2011 did. I was so hopeful. Now I just feel hopeless.

Errrr and Stuff

2011-12-23T10:44:00.001-05:00

So my friend Hutch wrote this on his FB today. Hutch very rarely says anything motivating when it comes to the MC, but deep down we all know that he is proud of his uniform. This is some motivating shit right here. Or it was to me anyway. I thought I would share.

I've seen these posts about what color your cammies are and what you want to be called. FUCK ALL THAT. I am Marine and I know some Soldiers, Sailors, and Airmen that are real damn good at what they do and they have my respect for that. People will say Marines are being cocky and conceited by posting that, while I dont think it's necessary to post I do see the point. The Marine Corps is and has been the only Branch of service that has had to fight to continue its existence in this country. If you look at the history of the Marine Corps there have been multiple attempts to disband or absorb the Marine Corps by leaders of the other branches. But, at the end of the day, the citizens that we fight to protect and the leaders elected by those citizens, have made sure that the Marine Corps stayed intact. So, at the end of the day, don't call me a Soldier, Sailor, or Airmen, not because it's insulting, but because I'm not one. I'm a United States Marine, born on yellow foot prints and trained on a depot. And calling me anything other than, is disrespectful to the history and legacy of the branch I've chosen to serve. Also don't call me Devil Dog if you're not one.

Semper.

Bah Humbug

2011-12-22T11:13:00.001-05:00

I'm just saying. BAH FREAKING HUMBUG. I have NO, I repeat NO Christmas spirit. Booo...hiss...

I love Christmas too. LOVE IT. I want egg nog and a train around the tree and waking up on Christmas morning excited to see the look on the face of the person I love as they open my surprise gift. Something like that.

Oh wait...let me wake up.

Hi reality.

Where is my tent?

2011-12-15T11:52:00.000-05:00

If Congress shuts down the US Government, just before Christmas, I will finally join Occupy DC in their protests and hunger strikes. Mainly because I'll need a place to live and won't be able to afford food.

Thought Provoking Thursday

2011-12-08T15:33:00.003-05:00

Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.--Hardy D. Jackson

Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew. Ever wonder why I don't talk to you anymore? It's not that I don't want to, it's just that everything I want to say I can't tell you anymore. Silence speaks volumes. You should listen.

Have you ever realized that when people say you’ve changed it’s because you’ve stopped living life their way? NO, it's because I've finally found myself.

Most people don't know who they are. That's why they lie. They're afraid someone else will figure it out before they do

Here's the things. I damn sure am not always as confident as I seem. I have learned to put on a brave face and smile my way through even the worst of pain. I live a social life that sends me home at night feeling even more alone than I thought I was when the day started. There are many days and even more nights when the only thing I want more than breath is to be held. I will admit it, I want to be someone`s last call of the night, and their first thought in the morning. I want those 5 hour conversations that end in "no,you hang up first." I want the heart racing, palm sweaty, "what`s going to happen next" moments. I want the hugs that you never let go of and the stolen kisses that are always the sweetest. But most importantly, I just want to know someone considers me THEIRS. That girl you see that everyone "knows", that's not the real me. That's the girl trying to find something that just doesn't seem to be there. I have this great life, but no one to share it with. There is an empty other half of the bed. A seat at the table where no one is sitting. Even worse, my heart wants it to be someone that it can't be, so where do you go from there?

I used to wear my heart on my sleeve, but too many people mistook that for me being naive. I have been completely broken before, it's something that you have to force yourself to come back from. It will rip your soul out and eat it for breakfast. But I will never apologize for saying what I feel. That's like saying sorry for being real. <---oooo it rhymes.

Tell Me About It Tuesday

2011-12-06T11:13:00.002-05:00

My pen is the barrel of a gun. Remind me which side you should be on.

Just a list of great quotes. Starting with one of my favorites and just randomly going on from there.

‎"No man, for any considerable period can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true." Nathaniel Hawthrone

I will gladly stand at the bottom of the mountain with someone that never gives up than at the top with someone who will never appreciate the view.

A person who truly loves you, will never let you go and will never give up, no matter how hard the situation is.

‎"When so many are lonely as seem to be lonely it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone." Tennesse Williams

‎"Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats." H.L. Mencken

‎"Who knows what true happiness is? Not the conventional word, but the naked terror. To the lonely themselves, it wears a mask. The most miserable outcast hugs some memory. Or some illusion." Joseph Conrad

Tragedies happen. What are you gonna do, give up? Quit? No, I realize now that when your heart breaks, you've got to fight like hell to make sure you're still alive. Because you are. And that pain you feel? That's life. The confusion and fear? That's there to remind you, that somewhere out there is something better, and that something is worth fighting for.

‎"There is no privacy that cannot be penetrated. No secret can be kept in the civilized world. Society is a masked ball where everyone hides his real character, then reveals it by hiding." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
... I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeoning of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
- Invictus, William Ernest Henley

‎"The heart has reasons that reason cannot know." Blaise Pascal

‎"You cannot run away from a weakness; you must sometimes fight it out or perish. And if that be so, why not now, and where you stand?" Robert Louis Stevenson

"Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone. And do not trouble about the future for it is yet to come. Live in the present and make it so beautiful, that it will be worth remembering." Scott Taylor Idus

Every once in a while people step up, they rise above themselves. Sometimes they surprise you, and sometimes they fall short. Life is funny sometimes, it can push pretty hard, but if you look close enough you find hope in the bars of a song and in the eyes of someone you love. And if you're the luckiest person on this entire planet, the person you love decides to love you back.

In Terms of Love

2011-12-01T09:54:00.001-05:00

I realize that the picture and the following words contradict each other a bit but today, the picture is how I feel.

Kahlil Gibran on Love

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.

Think not that you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

Thanks For Calling

2011-11-30T11:46:00.000-05:00

Thanks For Calling

You said you thought of me the other day.
It was nice to know
I had somehow found my way into your thoughts.
Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you;
Never a sun has set that I haven’t longed for you.

You miss me, you said.
I have learned to live with missing you.
It’s not so hard.
All I have to do is live:
Close my mind,
Breathe,
And walk and talk,
But, never feel . . .

In other words, I miss you, too.

I make it through with the hope
That only time stands between us,
And each day will bring you closer.
But, I grow impatient.
Why can’t it be tomorrow?

What is this strange enchantment that is cast upon our fate?
Never really together,
Yet, we’ve never really said goodbye.
I just loiter in your memory,
And you linger in my heart,
While each passing day reminds me
That our lives are miles apart.

Don’t you see?
You are my hopes, my thoughts, my dreams.
But, it was nice to hear you say
You thought of me the other day.

. . . NancySue Krenrich Hamm

Bye Bye 2011

2011-11-21T15:47:00.000-05:00

I will not be sad to see 2011 go away. This year has sucked monumentally.

I ended last year heartbroken and it looks like I will do the same this year. From car accidents, to speeding tickets, to inuries, to financial disasters, to the loss of my Grandmother and Kate, it's almost more than one girl can take. I don't want to end this year sad. I want to be happy at Christmas and happy at the New Year. Aside from my aching heart, I will do my best to make it happy.

For all of my complaining though, let me just say that there were good things that happened in 2011.

I met an amazing person.
I traveled out of the US for the first time.
I spent Easter Sunday at the site where Jesus was baptized.
I started my Masters Degree.
I bought a new car.
I lost 28 pounds.
I got promoted at work.
I got divorced.

And a few others things that are escaping my thoughts right now.

I guess I will just take the good with the bad and say goodbye to 2011 and get ready for 2012 and what it has in store for me.

Sign On The Door

2011-11-14T10:23:00.002-05:00

I'm a big Edwin McCain fan. There is one of his songs that always seems to get to me and right now, more than ever.

"Sign On The Door"

Wendy's sittin' next to me
She's trying hard to drink it away
And I feel the rumble of the subway
Beneath the stage
And her eyes are screaming
And her lips are pursed
And this ain't her first heartache
But it feels like, it feels like the worst
And she says
Can someone tell me how this can happen
And I guess that God only knows
My heart used to be
The sweet shop of love
But now the sign on the door
It says sorry we're closed
And I hear myself tell her
Some old words I know they won't help
And then I feel guilty
'Cause I closed some sweet shops myself
And we all talk about timing
And lifestyles and such
But to a heart that's been shattered
Those words don't mean that much
And all of our pining
It just goes to show
Don't you enter a shop
With the sign on the door
Saying sorry we're closed
And she's been through all the pain
That one can endure
And her new man thinks she loves him
But he can't be sure
And his heart pines for Wendy
She says that's how it goes
How am I supposed to know
He can't read the sign saying
Sorry we're closed
Yeah we're closed
And she says
Can someone tell me how this can happen
And I guess that God only knows
My heart used to be
The sweet shop of love
But there's a sign on the door
There's a sign on the door [3x]
One more sign...

Yippee

2011-11-09T12:19:00.000-05:00

Wait what? Yippee is NOT how I am feeling. But hey, you know those people that say their daily mantras? You know, the ones that leave little post its all over that say "you can do this", "today is your day" well the Yippee is my mantra.

Just say it. It's hard not to picture yourself or someone else jumping up and clicking their feet together with their hands stretched out on the air screaming "Yippee" at the top of their lungs like they just got some great news.

So for today, I say YIPPEE. Tomorrow I am going to have to come up with something else clever.

At a loss

2011-11-06T17:49:00.000-05:00

At a loss for words.
Dismissed without a thought.
Erased.

Sometimes there just aren't words to explain a hurt.
Thoughts stumble around in my mind.
Unable to form a sentence.
What do you say when someone says goodbye but you never hear the word?

Love Your Fear

2011-11-04T13:38:00.004-04:00

You Had The Time Of Your Life

2011-10-31T11:43:00.001-04:00

Kate, I'm sitting here trying to think of something to write. It's hard to believe that you are gone. You missed your 32nd birthday yesterday woman. How dare you sneak out on such a great event? And Halloween. My how you loved to dress up.

To think that you just laid down on the couch to get some rest and never woke up just doesn't make sense. BUT knowing that you didn't suffer brings a small comfort.

My heart is breaking knowing that M was only 7 days old (she's a whopping 11 days old now). That precious baby will never know the vibrant amazing woman you were. Your other girls are such beautiful little represenatations of you. May God bless and keep Tommy and your children in his arms.

We miss you. Thank you for making all of our lives better in some way.

My Tree

2011-10-24T17:06:00.000-04:00

You can't be in a constant state of want, or you will never actually have anything. If you are always wanting something, you tend to forget what it is you actually want.

It's like climbing out on a tree branch on the top of the tree. You want to be on top so bad that you have climbed so far away from the root of the tree that you forget where you came from and how to get back.

Like a ballet dancer, has to go back to the bar and find her steps. A vocalist has to go back to the basics to find her tone. I must go back to the root of my tree. I must water my soil so that my tree can grow and stop being concerned about my withering leaves.

E. Holmes said "You can attract only that which you mentally become and feel yourself to be in reality."

Feeling The Music

2011-10-17T14:22:00.003-04:00

I'm not an X Factor watcher but lately there has been a little hype about some auditions.

Sometimes you can't help but to feel the music.

It Does Exist

2011-10-14T10:41:00.001-04:00

True love isn't a unicorn. Not a mythical creature.

Two of my favorite people from high school married each other. Sure, in high school they were always friends and different from each other, but it makes my heart smile to see them together. It took them a year or so after high school to start dating and then another two years to get married but hey, they did it. This is what I saw on her Facebook a few minutes ago.

S: Sixteen years ago today I walked down the aisle to marry the best man in the world! I was so happy about it I laughed through the whole ceremony! I'm still laughing and loving him as much today as I was then! Happy Anniversary J! I love you more!

J: If I had the chance to go it again, I would. There's not a nerdier hot girl I know. You are the total package! Top, BOOM! Bottom, BAM! Brains, KAPOW! KNOCK-OUT!! You're my Medusa...think about it...I LOVE YOU FOOL!!

YAY for the Unicorn.

A Dream Within A Dream

2011-10-13T17:19:00.000-04:00

A Dream Within A Dream

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

Today

2011-10-10T16:46:00.000-04:00

Today I cried.

I cried for all of the what ifs,
The could have beens,
The should have beens,
The if I just had another chance.

Today I cried.

I cried for the heartbreak.
For the loss of my belief in a meant to be.
For the wondering how it came to be like this.

Today I cried.

I cried for me. I cried for you. I cried for us.

Don't Do It

2011-10-03T11:28:00.004-04:00

Never Lose Your Shine by Audio/Rocketry

Never Lose Your Shine

Shimmers dance and sparkle
On the surface side
Of new and the glare is stunning
Never lose your shine

Vision was bleak once
To the point of near blind
Life changed when the light came
Don’t ever lose your shine

In awe we watched
A path close behind
Fresh ink illuminated to
Never lose your shine

Emotions cascaded
Sincere tears in eyes
Never surrender the feeling and
Never lose your shine

So glow on pretty penny
You’re buff like a new dime
Utilize lady luck for your own right and
Never lose your shine

‘Cause there ain’t no deny
You’re buff just like a new diamond
So come out of hiding for all to find and
Never lose your shine

You are the brightest beacon
Amongst the dark sky
Guide on with confidence and
Never lose your shine

‘Cause dent, dulls, and darkness
Relentlessly arise
Keep the flame a-flicker and
Never lose your shine

Nothing is more defeating
Than affection that fades with time
Polish up your ambitions and
Never lose your shine

When you hold a key
One that opens closed minds
You have to enlighten your thoughts
and keep them a-glow and never lose your shine

After a While

2011-10-02T19:41:00.002-04:00

After a While
(You Learn)
© Veronica A. Shoffstall 1971

After a while you learn the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul.

And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning,
and company doesn’t always mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses are not contracts,
and present's aren’t promises.

And you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead...

With the grace of a woman,
not the grief of a child.

And you learn
To build all your roads on today,

Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans,
and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns
if you get too much…

So, you plant your own garden,
and decorate your own soul...
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure…
you really are strong,
you really do have worth.

And you learn, and you learn…
with every goodbye,

You Learn…

I must be

2011-10-02T00:59:00.001-04:00

Insane. Albert Einstein said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Yep. I keep expectIng different results and getting the same ones.

There is nothing worse than feeling like a fool.

This Is What Boredom Will Get You

2011-09-30T13:35:00.000-04:00

1. What is in the back seat of your car right now? Chain saw, trash bags, rope, shovel, blah blah blah.

2. When was the last time you threw up? I don't throw up. You shut up.

3. What's your favorite curse word? Good girls don't curse. Shame on you for thinking so.

4. Name 3 people who made you smile today? Me, Myself and I. HEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYY...

5. What were you doing at 8 am this morning? If I tell you, I will have to kill you.

6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Please refer to the answer to #5 and stop asking questions that will get you hurt.

7. What will you be doing 3 hours from now? Layin it down on the flip side. Didn't I warn you about these questions?

8. Have you ever been to a strip club? Yes. It's amazing the skills those girls have. I guarantee they will be the future leaders of America. They hold the true moral values that our country should be founded upon.

9. What is the last thing you said aloud? You're so fine, you blow my mind, how bout I hit it from behind?

10. What is the best ice cream flavor? Bubble gum...u get free gum, c'mon!

11. What was the last thing you had to drink? Not telling. 'Cause you can't have none.

12. What are you wearing right now? White turtle neck, dark green vest, pink camisole, white bra with matching panties (grrr), red leggings, black pants, blue suspenders, black knee high socks, white knee pads, yellow sweatband, purple ring pop, red fruit roll-up earrings (made them myself), aluminum foil grill, neon green scrunchie.

13. What was the last thing you ate? Food. Interesting concept huh?

14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? Pocket protector. I'm pretty stoked about it.

15. When was the last time you ran? Last week when they had a prostitution ring bust in my neighborhood.

16. What's the last sporting event you watched? Dodgeball.

17. Have you been drinking? No officer. I am am the designated driver.

18. Who is the last person you emailed? Your mom.

19. Ever go camping? Around here, we call it livin.

20. Do you have a tan? Why's it always gotta be a tan thing?

21. Are you mad? Like Britney Spears mad?

22. What kind of car do you drive? None of your business. And no you can't get a ride.

23. What is today? It's ummmm...wait...what? Ummm...where am I?

24. Do you drink your soda from a straw? If I'm at a fancy sit-down restaurant. But that's only once every couple of years or so....

25. What did your last IM say? The body is buried in the backyard, if you talk, I kill you.

26. Are you someone's best friend? Hellz yeah I am. The bestest.

27. What are you doing tomorrow? Even street walkers have to rest.

28. Where is your mom right now? Wouldn't you like to know.

29. Look to your left, what do you see? The street sign. Sooo exciting! Take it off!

30. What color is your watch? Don't got no watch. I'm a rebel.

31. What do you think of when you think of Australia ? My Aunt, Uncle and cousins cookin somethin on the bar-bie!

32. Would you consider plastic surgery? Sometimes I think about it and I'm like, "well maybe just a little here or there" then I see someone later in life who had it done years ago and they look disgusting and I realize that I'd rather just diet and work out really hard and make good with what I got. Nothin a little tissue can't fix.

33. What is your birthstone? Skulls and Crossbones

34. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? Drive thru so I can peg the cashier woman in the head with a penny.

35. How many kids do you want? Do you have some you are bringing to the relationship? I can want those.

36. Do you have a dog? Yes. Two, and they can kick your dogs butt.

37. Last person you talked to on the phone? My pimp.

38. Have you met anyone famous? I am famous....for being amazing. What what.

39. Any plans today? Just filling this out and then skidaddling to bed. (I know you love that I brought out the skiddaddle, really, how long has it been since you've heard that one?).

40. How many states have you lived in? Notchyos.

41. Ever go to college? Been. Graduated and going again. I think I'm confused.

42. Where are you right now? Hello. Obvious. Like...duh.

43. Biggest annoyance in your life right now? Lack of sleep.

44. Last song listened to? If you stand on it...we stand behinnnnnnnnd it!

45. Where were you 6 hours ago? I have an alibi, I swear.

46. Are you allergic to anything? Dumb drunk men at the bar. Ick...

47. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? My bo bos. Walmart special yo.

48. Are you jealous of anyone? Nah brah.

49. Are you in love? Is that what I told you?

50. Is anyone jealous of you? Probably, there are many haters out there.

51. What time is it? You tell me. I ain't got not watch, remember?

*52. Do any of your friends have children? Yes, but we don't talk about their boyfriends like that.

53. Do you eat healthy? Define healthy.

54. What do you usually do during the day? Square dance, play jenga, and do a little break dancing.

55. Do you hate anyone right now? No...got only love for yas.

56. Do you use the word 'hello' daily? And howdy...can't forget howdy.

57. Ever been in the military? My DD-214 says I was.

58. How old will you be turning on your next birthday? How old are you looking for?

59. Have you ever been to Six Flags? Nah, I just ride real fast around corners through Northeast DC. Same thing. Ghetto rollerocaster.

Can We Have It All?

2011-09-22T12:49:00.000-04:00

A few friends and I get in to a certain discussion from time to time. It's the "can we actually have it all" conversation.

Tides have changed over the years and women are more successful than ever. All of the sudden, we spend our lives getting an education and obtaining a career and then we find ourselves alone, with no one to share it with. There you are, standing in your big house or driving in your new car and there is no one standing next to you, or riding in the passenger seat, or driving while you sit in the passenger seat.

It seems these days that we have to give up something to get something else. Like we just can't have it all. We can't be educated, have a great career, be healthy and have love and be happy.

OR maybe we should just be happy with all of the "things" we do have. BUT what is all that "stuff" if you don't have someone to share it with? If at the end of the day, you go home to an empty house and talk to yourself (or your dogs) and when something exciting happens, you don't have that person to call and share it with that will exude pride and love in their voice when they get excited with you.

Can we have hit all? Or do we need to change our definition of what having it all is?

My Mama always told me that I am never satisfied. I used to think this was a good thing, maybe a bit of ambition but lately, I'm not so sure.

If You Forget Me

2011-09-04T17:31:00.000-04:00

If You Forget Me by Pablo Neruda

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

That's All Folks

2011-09-01T16:40:00.000-04:00

Tuesday was divorce court day. I'm officially divorced.

Wednesday proceeded to suck the life out of me with a speeding ticket, a tow truck driver scam, damage to my car and just being unsure if I am on the road of getting my heart broken again.

Today has pretty much sucked too. I need to find a nice bar stool and pull up to the bar and make friends with a tasty beverage or two.

Mindless Forty Eight

2011-08-24T15:01:00.006-04:00

Why not answer some questions? Yeah, yeah, I know, this is a blog. I'm supposed to write stuff not use random questionnaires like a teenager to entertain. Well, whatever. Read them anyway, I'm kind of funny today. Oh, and bless your heart.

1. What time did you get up this morning? Not what time I was supposed to, that's for sure.

2. How do you like your steak? Preferably on a plate and cooked.

3. What is your favorite TV show? DVR

4. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? Ireland. Under the rainbow, with the rest of my leprechaun friends. But right now that would have to be switched out with Japan. The land of the other little people.

5. Are you tired? I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. Sleep is obviously overrated. Well for some people anyway.

6. What is your favorite food? FREE.

7. Favorite Place to Eat? At home. I hate people. Or Top of The World in Vegas. I like those people.

8. Favorite dressing? The kind you put in turkeys.

9. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? Not sure. Where the hell is my cup?

10. Favorite time of day? After work. Not in traffic. You know. Vodka thirty or something.

11. Where were you born? In a hospital. Nifty concept huh?

12. Are you a morning person or a night person? HAHAHAHAHA! Talk to me in the morning. I dare you. Unless you live in a different time zone.

13. Do you have any pets? Yep. Three of them. All holy terrors. Want one?

14. Any new and exciting news you would like to share? Ummmm...nope. But thanks for asking.

15. What did you want to be when you were little? Bigger.

16. Are you a cat or dog person? Well, since I have both, I guess both. But I'm allergic to cats and dogs. Go figure. And we all know that I've had my fair share of dogs in my life. And not the kind with 4 legs.

17. Are you married? Technically for another 6 days. Why you want to get married or something?

18. Always wear your seat belt? Define always.

19. Any pet peeves? OOOO...I have lots of peeves. Pets too.

20. Favorite ice cream? I GOT ICE CREAM. AND YOU DON'T

21. Favorite fast food restaurant? Jack in the box. Even if I am scared of the game, I hate when that little guy pops out at me. So I just quit turning the handle.

22. Do anything spontaneous lately? Spontaneity is the spice of life and I am a habanero pepper.

23. Like your job? Yep and you can't have it.

24. Broccoli? What about it? We're friends. Do you have a problem with that?

25. What is your favorite color? Depends. Are there any bulls around?

26. Where are your pets right now? Two of them are probably tearing something up in the basement. Rotten animals. The cat is probably sleeping.

27. Last time you kissed someone? Ugh. WAY too long ago. June 20th to be precise. BOO. Now I have a pouty face. Thanks a lot.

28. Last time you consumed alcohol? Ummm...Last night. *looking around*

29. What color phone do you have? Naked or dressed?

30 . Ever laid under the stars?: Well, I reckon every night...I've never been able to make it OVER them. My rocket ship bed idea didn't really pan out.

31. What outfit do you have on at this exact moment? Outfit? We office people don't really wear outfits. Well, unless you count the skank downstairs on the 3rd floor. Anyway...Black and white. That's how I roll.

32. What do you want to be? A billionaire so freaking bad.

33. What are you doing tomorrow? Working. What are you doing?

34. Do you know someone who likes you? I THINK A LOT OF PEOPLE LIKE ME :) I am cool like that. But is there someone that "likes" me? Yes, yes there is. I kinda like him too. Shhhh...

35. Have you ever had a friend named "Fred, Frank, or Felipe"? I used to have a friend name Fred. HI FRED. Last I heard, he was busy catching border jumpers in Texas. I know two Franks. I need a Felipe.

36. What is the closest green object to you? I have a few green things. I don't feel like measuring to find out which one is the closest. Oh I know, a post-it. Did you know that my friend Michelle and I invented them?

37. Did you enjoy your last kiss? Yes and no. The kiss was amazing, but, it was in an aiport before I got on a plane. And I haven't had one since. So, thank you sir, may I have another?

38. What is/are your favorite kind of band(s)? The rubber ones.

39. Do you believe in Karma? I believe in Karma Chameleons. They are red, gold and green...red gold and greeeeennnnn.

40. Do you have any imaginary friends? Well, there are some people that wave to me and say hi and think I like them, they are imagining they are my friend. Does that count?

41. When was the last time you were interested in someone? I'm currently interested in someone. SO the last time was right now....and now....and now...

42. Do you miss someone right now? Like I would miss oxygen if I didn't have it for my next breath.

43. Do you believe the statement "bigger is always better"? No I do not. The woman at breakfast this morning was a perfect example.

44. Do you have a friend with benefits? Like medical and dental? 401k?

45. Ever fell down the steps? Come on. You underestimate my clumsiness. I fall, trip, knock people down, spill things, drop things...it's really funny. Until someone gets hurt. Namely me.

46. Have you ever almost died?: Almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. A hand grenade would probably kill you....I don't know about a horseshoe, maybe...with a direct blow. If you got hit in the leg with a horseshoe, it wouldn't dismember you like a hand grenade. I think we should just disregard the whole horseshoe thing anyway. "Almost only counts with Hand Grenades...period...that's all." And yes, I have almost died.

47. Have you ever been to jail?: Yes, but I rolled doubles and got out free. GO ME!

48. Are we there yet? By golly, I think we are. Please keep your hands and feet in the plane until the plane has come to a comlete stop and the pilot has turned off the fasten seatbelt signs.

ROALL

2011-08-22T14:54:00.001-04:00

Random Observations and Lessons Learned

1) Don't fight with your significant other in front of people. And learn that sometimes the fighting is pointless anyway.
2) Be careful who you give your heart to. Some people think they are toys and find new ways to break them.
3) Never drink more drinks at a bar than you are willing to pay for (people are sneaky).
4) Traffic on I-95 from Maryland to Virginia and throughout will always suck, at any given time. Deal with it or don't drive on it. Plain and simple.
5) People will spend way too long in the plastic bin aisle at Wal-Mart and Target trying to match the lid to the bin. (Funny stuff).
6) Wanting and needing are two totally different things. Learn the difference. Especially when it comes to love.
7) The officer does NOT care how fast anyone else but YOU were going.
8) The first person to say, "Are we going to play real poker?" is the first person to play a donkey hand and/or suck out on you.
9) Never put your pool stick away.
10) The designated driver is not the person who has had the least to drink.
11) What happens in the parking lot stays in the parking lot.
12) No matter how funny you think it is, your friend should not approach a police officer drunk in WaWa at 2 am and tell him how much she loves a man in uniform.
13) If you cannot name at least 5 people that play on your favorite sports team then you are NOT a true fan.
14) Some women are just that stupid.
15) Some men are just that stupid.
16) If more than 3 people tell you that your boyfriend is a jerk, he is 99% of the time a jerk. And stop holding on to that 1%, those are the confused people.
17) Men: Please refer to #17 and change boyfriend to girlfriend and jerk to ho.
18) Red jello stains your fingers if you don't wash it off until the next morning.
19) The Chili's on 610 sucks. The food and service is horrendous, unless you are sitting AT the bar (not IN the bar).
20) Don't run your mouth about something you aren't willing to take or give a beat down for.
21) Don't talk smack about the Marine Corps. Only Marines are allowed to do that.
22) Take your hat off, place your hand over your heart and shut your mouth when the National Anthem is being performed or played. End of discussion.
23) Never underestimate the power of fear.
24) People who you never thought you would talk to again, will undoubtedly call you, write you or e-mail you from Iraq.
25) Deny, deny, deny.
26) Try to always answer your phone. You never know when someone is going to need you.
27) High school for me was over 19 years ago. Please refrain from acting like you are still in it when around me. Thanks.
28) If you say you are going to call, then call. End of story.
29) I love the Goodwill. Yes, I know that not everyone can have a brand new one that is color coordinated and has great clothes. Sorry about your luck.
30) There will come a day when your heart truly is completely broken and cannot be repaired.
31) You must party with someone in a kilt and hear bagpipes on St. Patrick's Day or it's just not the same.
32) No matter how close redbox is to your house, the local bar or the bank, your movies will more than likely still be late.
33) Don't talk to me when I am watching the game, unless you are on fire.
34) Sometimes I wonder (not wander) well I do that too, but sometimes I just wonder. Shaking my head and sighing. Flabergasted.
35) People will never cease to amaze me. (where 34 gets me).
36) If you don't know who, make sure it's not you before you start talking about it.
37) Do it. I dare you.
38) Men will never learn.
39) Women won't either.
40) People who start off lying to you, will always lie to you.
41) There is a Jack In The Box off of exit 48A on I-85 in South Carolina. Don't keep driving thinking you will see another one. You won't.
42) The Fish House in Pensacola has the best Filet Oscar. Yummmy! Get it.
43) I do not get enough sleep. Ever.
44) Commencement ceremonies are boring.
45) I have the best friends. Smart and successful. We are a force to be reckoned with. Beware.
46) Some things are just better left unsaid. Period.
47) If you wouldn't want someone to do it to you, don't do it to them.
48) I do not believe "once a cheater, always a cheater."
49) Do not be rude to someone and get offended when they are twice as rude back to you.
50) Put that stupid collar down. It wasn't cool in the 80's and it is twice as uncool now. Idiot.
51) Yes I know I have colorful past. I lived it.
52) Yes, I have an accent. It took many years to get rid of it. Sometimes it creeps back in. No, I am not from NY, NJ, NE or any other state that talks like that either. Don't ask me where it came from. Ask my mom.
53) If I wouldn't date you myself, I will not introduce you to any of my friends for you to date them. Not happening. Move along.
54) I need to get more sleep. Much more.
55) Wear a bra, and a shirt that fits. While you are at it, wear some pants that fit too. It's not cute to do otherwise.

Fridays are for feelings...

2011-08-05T13:03:00.002-04:00

The universe always has an interesting way of reminding me of who I am when I have somewhat lost my way.

When you start a new relationship, all of the ego based emotions, all of the walls you've built as a means for protection, all of the new insecurities, and barriers, seem to grow 3 inches thicker. Not only is the other person unknowingly trying to break down walls they don't even know are there, but you find yourself trying to break those walls down too, some days to no avail.

I thrive on being a planner, and I seriously feel that I never have enough. But I didn't plan on being single at 37. Yet another failed marriage. I didn't plan on meeting someone new even after being single became my new plan. I didn't plan on it being a long distance relationship that will test me in every way it can. I didn't plan on this. I had rules that I set for myself. And I broke them all.

I've learned that I set the expectations of people too high. I get caught up in the things that they do so much, that when they don't do them, I feel like they have let me down. I've been told before that I often times make people feel like they can't do anything right because when they do something wrong I let them know in a way that makes them feel disappointed in themselves. The issue is, I love with 110% and I do everything I can to let the people I love know it. I want them to know that I appreciate them and care about them and love them and need them and want them. I get all giddy when I get an email or a card in the mail or a phone call. But what happens is, I start to expect those things. And I start to make them part of my PLAN. And when I don't get the daily email or the phone call, I in a sense retreat. When someone tells me they are going to do something I expect them to do it. And when they don't, to me, it's a direct reflection on how they feel about me. I know, I just wrote about this the other day in another blog post entitled Wait What Did You Say. At the end of that post I wrote "Then I won't be disappointed when they don’t do what they say. I understand that we all have our own internal conflicts about what we say we want and what we are actually capable of doing. Maybe truly trusting someone, is understanding why they act the way they do." Here's the problem with that, once you start expecting less, you start to feel like you are receiving less. And when you feel like someone is giving you less than you deserve you start to not even want the little bit they are giving you.

Here's the thing. Once you have been hurt for the last time, you tend to freak out. A LOT. Sure, most of the time it's internally, but you still freak out. You always think the worst. Because too many times in the past, you thought the best and you were sadly, sadly mistaken and devastated. The truth of the matter is, there are some holes and tears, in my heart that are still mending- or a need to be replaced.

I'm always dreaming up the next move. But what I need to do is just allow "the process". I see what love is and I know that I can have it and I know I'm fully capable of giving it in return.

I'm in the process. I cannot fight it. So, I'm putting down the gloves for a second and I'm just going to let it be. I'm going to let myself sit in the "panic" for a moment and rather than flipping out, which tends to be my initial reaction, (sorry baby...I know you are reading this), I think that I'm going to roll with this. Yes, I am uncomfortable, and unsure of where this is all leading, I don't see the perfect plan, the perfect step, the booming voice of guidance isn't calling my name, and for once. It's okay.

Telling It Tuesday

2011-08-02T16:01:00.000-04:00

If I could do it over
I'd have waited for this moment
To give my heart to you unbroken
But if our mistakes brought us together
Doesn't really matter whether
We were saints or sinners in the past
I don't care if I'm your first love
I'd just love to be your last

Excerpt from "I'd Love To Be Your Last" by Clay Walker

Wait...what did you say?

2011-07-26T12:07:00.002-04:00

Trust
–noun
1. reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
2. confident expectation of something; hope.

Maya Angelou said, “When people show you who they are the first time, believe them.”

Have you ever been completely in love? You know, where you TRUST someone completely? Or 99.9% as I like to say? Sometimes, it feels like you just ran on to I-95 North or South in the Northern Virginia/DC/MD area, hoping you won't get hit. Or maybe traffic will be at a standstill and and if some car does bump you, you will only get a small bruise and you will still be able to stumble off to the side of the road to treat your wounds. Trusting can feel like walking on a tight rope with no net below to catch you if you fall.

Even though you might have fallen off of that tight rope a time or two, and you know how bad the pain is, you still climb back up that ladder and get back on that rope and put one foot in front of the other and start walking again repeating affirmations such as "I will not fall", "I will not look down", "I will reach the other side." (run on sentence much?)

Anyway. Trusting someone means that you learn to know them through their words. In the beginning stages of a relationship, all you have to judge your level of trust on is words that they give you. You find yourself on a rollercoaster ride where you are reaching for one of those locking bars to hold you in and you are wondering what will happen if the ride gets stuck at the top? Will anyone hear you screaming?

Sometimes relationships start off with the intention of never becoming a relationship and people aren't necessarily the most truthful. On a rare occassion, you find that the make believe turns into a fairytale and you are left standing their questioning everything. "Wait, what did you say?"
Things that you didn't really know were untruthful at the time you were told them and believed them tend to have a way of rearing their ugly heads. Then doubt creeps in to every crevice of your mind and makes you feel like you want to just jump off of the tightrope even though you know there isn't a net? You make excuses for why you should stay on the rope. "I will not quit. Just a little more time and I will get my balance. I will make it to the other side damn it. I WILL not fall off again."

The only things you can know of a person for sure (or 99.9%) is what you see, what you feel and what you experience (if you have your eyes open and aren't closing them that is). What you don't know are the things you don't see or feel or experience.

In my experience, what people say and do are generally two different things. Not necessarily because they are trying to lie but because at the time the statement was made, it was the truth. We all have our own set of fears and patterns that affect how we interact with people. In every hurtful situation where my trust has been breached, people have responded from their own unique set of fears. Because I wanted to trust and believe them, I ignored the truth to keep seeking love.

Maybe I should stop looking at people as to whether or not they can be trusted. Then I won't be disappointed when they don’t do what they say. I understand that we all have our own internal conflicts about what we say we want and what we are actually capable of doing. Maybe truly trusting someone, is understanding why they act the way they do.

Monday In Pictures

2011-07-25T12:39:00.003-04:00

The Things You Find

2011-07-24T16:10:00.001-04:00

On Wikihow. They seem to think they can tell you how to do anything don't they?

How to Stop Being Afraid of Being Loved or Falling in Love

Are you afraid to fall in love or of being loved by someone? Does the thought make you feel suffocated, too deeply entwined, or just plain uninteresting? For some, previous scars from being in love drive a need to stay away from love altogether, for fear of being hurt again. For sure, love is a frightening journey but it is also a wondrous one too and it is important to note that you get out of something what you put into it. So, without further ado, it's time to forge on ahead and learn some mechanisms to make it less scary, more enticing, and definitely worth your while.

1 Understand that the feeling of love is permissible.Understand that the feeling of love is permissible. Let yourself be overcome by feelings of affection, care, intensity, and warmth. These feelings won't destroy you - they are good, positive feelings. And if you let them show, it is so much the easier for the other party to feel OK about letting their mutual affection show back.

2 Rid yourself of past shadows.Rid yourself of past shadows. When you start feeling great affection for someone but the ghost of love-gone-wrong in the past starts fluttering by, tell yourself that this is a different situation this time, different person, and a wiser, more emotionally healthy you. You should have learned the lessons from past losses, so make good now and trust this new beginning is going to be work for you both.

3 Face your fears.Face your fears. If you feel a sense of suffocation, loss of self, or disillusionment about love, then you probably have a tougher road ahead than a person who fears a repeat of the past. For you, the fear is about losing yourself, your individuality. Think about the past and anyone who may have made you feel this way, suffocated, watched over, criticized too much. Put that memory into its place and recognize that that person or situation is very different from a love in which two people at an equal level care about one another and make mature decisions together. It also helps to set very clear but friendly ground rules about yourself from the start of a loving relationship - let the other person know that you will always feel a need for space, time alone, and opportunities to do things separate from your relationship but that this does not impact your love and care for this person. rather, Make it clear that this is a healthy way for a couple to be together, always growing and being individuals as much as being part of a couple.

4 Take the plunge slowly.Take the plunge slowly. You are never going to be the type who sees fireworks and feels love at first sight. You are too cautious; this is a positive, not a negative as only fools rush in where angels fear to tread. Take your time developing your loving relationship, and be mature, honest, straightforward and open with your partner. The love that flourishes from this slowly-does-it approach is often an enduring and respectful one.

5 Don't give up your other passions.Don't give up your other passions. Being in a loving relationship means being in a supportive one. It is not about being changed by another person, or trying to change someone. If you fear that the person you love might end up wanting to change something about you, deal with this early on. Always make it clear that you come with the fox terriers, the summer vacation hunting trips, the night-out-with-the-girls once a week, the desire to never have children, the weekends locked away editing wikiHow etc. If you have passions that define you, a partner who seeks to take them away from you will leave both of you unhappy and if this is what is stopping you from falling in love, return to the mantra of being open, clear, and up front from the start. Now that all this is out of the way, you can start to fall in love and enjoy the journey to self-discovery that includes discovering someone else. Good luck leaving fear behind!Ads by Google

Tips: Remember that love is a multi-colored, many splendid thing that is hard to confine to one-box-fits-all or to a singular definition. It just may be that your problem is how you define love; change your perspective and you might just lose your fear. Love can creep up unawares, dressed in the clothing of friendship, a shared passion, a regular meet-up, a weekly conversation in the pub - it doesn't have to be anything spectacular or overwhelming and it can be as simple, or as complicated, as you want it to be. Maybe seeing it this way can lessen your fear of the amorphous, overly romanticized notion of love and help you to understand that at its most basic, love is companionship with somebody who means a great deal to you.

Warnings: No matter who it is, there is always a chance of being hurt, even if you eliminate the fear. Choose heartbreak over fear of heartbreak; choose doing over doing nothing. Be careful that you aren't mistaking "Love" for loneliness. Don't think you are putting someone in your heart, when all you really want is someone in your bed.

Other Writers and Their Words of Wisdom

2011-07-15T12:29:00.002-04:00

Sometimes another writer can just write almost exactly how you are feeling. Sure, the story is their personal story and not all of what they are writing about pertains to you, but the story remains the same.

Today is one of those days that I feel like Chelsea from Chelsea Talks Smack when she wrote a post a few weeks ago entitled Self-sabotage, loving yourself and NOT BEING SO DAMN CRAZY. Brilliant!

Spit or Swallow?

2011-07-13T17:31:00.000-04:00

I know the title got your attention, so I will not disappoint with the contents of the post.

I know that some people that read my blog will get a kick out of this and since it's written by a woman and it's pretty funny, I had to share. Not sure I agree with the title but whatever.

One of the Most Detested Sex Acts Is Good for Women

Posted by Jamye Waxman on June 17, 2011 at 6:41 PM

I've always been a swallower. As a child I swallowed anything the vacuum cleaner failed to pick up. Crayons. Paper. Nose boogers. Nothing felt dirty or wrong, even if the look on my mother's face told me otherwise. It wasn't until I starting give blowjobs that I thought about what I swallowed. I had given up breastmilk long before then, and the idea of swallowing something out of someone else's body felt odd. But, then anything feels strange until you get used to doing it.

There's a lot of chatter over the age old sex debate, to spit or swallow, but when it comes to decisions, this is an easy one. If you love your partner and can muster up enough strength to take one for the team, take one for the team. Not only do guys love it when women swallow -- something about the whole completion thing -- but there are actually measurable benefits to swallowing, too.

1. Semen can boost your mood. Sure, this study had to do with intercourse, but if the hormones in semen, mainly testosterone and estrogen, make women happy when they screw, why wouldn't they make women happy when they swallow? Going on that theory, swallowing can make you happier. So next time the kids are screaming for Sponge Bob, think about the benefits another type of bob. The head bob.

2. Semen does a body good, pass it on. That's right, semen may be a cure for sore throats and diabetes! The next time you eat too much sugar and worry about your insulin levels, balance it out with a little semen (and, of course, talk to your doctor). If you lose your voice shouting, protect your throat with semen. These are only some of the possible medical benefits for semen. I can only imagine what else science will uncover about swallowing. Perhaps it's the cure for world hunger?

3. Semen can taste good. Like french fries or fruit, it all depends on what he eats. When you're looking for a filling snack, why not a little love juice? It's high in protein and only 20 calories per teaspoon. And when he eats celery, cranberries, watermelon and drinks pineapple juice, he'll taste even juicer.

4. And for those who you can't get themselves to swallow, fear not. You should feel good knowing that a little semen on your face may do wonders for your skin. According to The Sexual Teachings of the White Tigress semen facials are good for you. And in her memoir, I'm Wild Again, even Helen Gurley Brown recommends the semen facial: "Spread semen over your face, [it's] probably full of protein as sperm can eventually become babies. Makes a fine mask — and he'll be pleased."

Do you prefer to spit or swallow?

About the author

Jamye Waxman M.Ed is a sex educator and writer who loves to cuddle. She believes that intimacy takes work but should be fun, and communication is the key. She's also a TMI kind of girl.

Have a nice day! :)

Monday Mess

2011-07-11T17:21:00.000-04:00

Do you ever have those days where you just can't seem to get rid of that, I'm pissed off at the world edge? You know, when you wake up and you feel like you didn't sleep at all. Where you sit at your desk and stare at the computer, aimlessly going through the motions of "work". By 1pm your eyes are burning and still red from exhaustion. You try to drink some caffeine or go smoke (for those of us in the world that still do) but nothing seems to remove that nasty "I want to punch something" grip that is on your day.

Then, you try to sit down and write about it and everything comes out a mess and makes no real sense. Then you end up with some damn post like this one.

There are about ten different reasons why I'm not in a good mood today, and I don't want to talk about any of them. Here are some random thoughts that keeps racing back and forth.

The answer is NO.
What the hell am I doing?
How am I going to make that happen?
Should I be doing this?
What am I thinking?
How the hell am I going to pay that?
I don't want to. I don't need to. And I'm not going to.

Monday is a MESS.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-06-29T15:28:00.000-04:00

How I feel in pictures

50 Is My Favorite Number

2011-06-24T14:30:00.000-04:00

"There comes a time in every life when the world gets quiet and the only thing left is your heart." — Sarah Dessen

Check, 1, 2, 3...Is anyone out there.

2011-06-02T12:01:00.000-04:00

Well hello. WAVING FRANTICALLY.

What a month.

I went on a work trip in April and had an amazing time. Then I went on another trip just last week and was hiding in the inner rooms of a hotel and a training center on two separate occassions while tornado sirens were going off outside. GOOD TIMES.

Lots of things going on. A promotion at work. YAY ME! A new car. Someone who makes me smile. And just life being great.

I have two trips coming up. Both personal and I can't wait. My second trip cannot possibly get here fast enough. I am almost crawling out of my skin for it to get here.

Oh yeah, and I am smiling. A lot. I mean a lot alot.

Should Have

2011-05-11T09:52:00.003-04:00

And There You Have It

2011-05-10T14:52:00.021-04:00

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Interesting

2011-05-09T14:17:00.001-04:00

Hmmm...you don't say.

Inside women's sexual brains, preferences and porn

Men everywhere have probably wondered for thousands of years: What turns women on?

In the age of the Internet, it's possible to find out. And with countless genres of images, videos and erotic stories available online, women are both able and empowered to access arousing material, and figure out for themselves what they like. Some are watching porn, as our sex columnist Ian Kerner pointed out in a recent column.

But what women are viewing and reading is usually not what men are searching for, according to a new book on the subject. In "A Billion Wicked Thoughts," released Thursday, neuroscientists Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam combine web searches, personal search histories, websites, and classified ads with insights from brain science to discover precisely how different women are from men.

Just like we're all born with taste cues - sweet, salty, savory, spicy, bitter - men and women's brains are wired with sexual cues, Ogas said. For men, the cues are predominantly visual, and aimed at the partner; they often enjoy seeing women orgasm, which may be one of the reasons why so many women fake. But women are more complex; they place a high importance on feeling desired, for example, whereas it appears men generally don't need to feel desired at all in order to feel aroused.

"A woman wants to know that there’s going to be repeat action, that he’s committed and is going to be coming back," Ogas said.

Women are sexually complex in other important ways. If a man is physically turned on, he's also psychologically turned on, which is why medications for erectile dysfunction (i.e. Viagra) can deliver fairly straightforward results. But a woman can be physically turned on and mentally turned off at the very same time, making efforts toward a treatment for low female sexual desire all the more complicated. And as to what makes a woman go beyond mere arousal and have sex, you'll have to read this other article.

The female sexual brain is also like a “detective agency” that investigates a man’s many qualities before deciding whether he’s worth her attention, the authors said. Evolutionarily, that makes sense. In the earliest days of humans, females who mated with the first males they encountered would not have fared as well as those who took the time to investigate their partners a little more. The "detective agency" would make sure that the chosen male would not be cruel, unfaithful or sneaky, would protect the woman and her child.

More important than evolution, though, is the "software" of the sexual brain, Ogas and Gaddam said.

Again, men are simple: The male brain is designed so that any stimulus can trigger arousal. For some, a single cue is necessary and sufficient, which is what makes a fetish, well, a fetish. For instance, some men get turned on in the presence of attractive shoes or feet, and need to see that in order to feel stimulated. On the other hand, fetishes are extremely rare among women. The female brain usually doesn't respond to a single trigger every time; there can be lots of different combinations of things that can get them in the mood.

"The male sexual brain is like a single toggle switch, whereas the female sexual brain is like the cockpit of an F1 fighter jet," Gaddam said. "There are tons of dials and instruments, and there's sophisticated calibration going on."

To fully appreciate this, feast your eyes on these two real search histories from America Online users:

MAN: college cheerleaders; cheerleaders in Hawaii; pics of bikinis and girls; pretty girls in bikinis; girls suntanning in bikinis; college cheerleader pics in bikinis; noooooooo; christian advice on lust

WOMAN: orlando bloom as vampire fanfiction; 321 sex chat; kingdom of heaven fanfiction; cinderella wedding dresses; gossip on orlando bloom; legolas erotica; legolas heterosexual erotica; evil orlando bloom dark fanfiction

As you can see, this woman tends to prefer stories ("fanfiction," or narratives based on existing movies/TV/literature) much more than the man, who searches for specific images. The majority of these stories are romantic and lightly erotic, but plenty of women like graphic erotic stories, too. In the search above you can see this one gal is particularly interested in Legolas from "Lord of the Rings" and the actor who portrays him: Orlando Bloom. And there's a lot of conversation that goes on among women about erotic stories about the inner feelings of the characters, whereas men consume porn alone and don't talk about the aesthetics, Gaddam said.

"Male erotica is a solitary enterprise, and female erotica is a social enterprise," Ogas said.

A minority of women do watch visual porn. Based on analyses of user profiles on a porn website, these ladies tend to be more socially aggressive, comfortable taking risks, and open to bisexual experiences. They also tend to have a higher sex drive.

And while many men do seek out porn involving young women, there's a substantial interest in seeing scantily clad (or not clad at all) older women too. Significant numbers of web searches and websites out there are devoted to women in their 40s, 50s, 60s. There's even a genre called "granny porn," with a consistent following, in which the male performer's age is highly variable. It's hard to know how old the men are who are seeking this class of erotica, but the authors speculate they come from a wide range of ages, since men's sexual interests are pretty solid by age 25. Women, on the other hand, have much more flexible and dynamic interests during a lifetime.

What about homosexuality? The authors compared gay and straight male sexuality, and found they were strikingly similar. The differences: gay men like men, and are more likely to be aroused by the submissive role in sex than straight men. Lesbians are far more complicated, and Ogas and Gaddam don't think they have enough information to make any definitive comparisons about it.

The authors don't take any moral positions on any of this, but they do point out that individual tastes and preferences are difficult or impossible to modify. Yet everyone assumes their own interests are the norm, and we quickly label anything else as weird or even dangerous, Gaddam said.

"We should all be more sexually tolerant," Ogas said.

I'm Just Sayin'

2011-04-13T15:18:00.001-04:00

How to Tell If Someone Is a Sociopath

Sociopaths are always looking out for themselves.

A sociopath is characterized by the deficit of social emotions such as love, guilt, shame or remorse. According to the University of Tennessee-Knoxville, the sociopath lacks "a sense of moral responsibility and social conscience." Sociopaths often scheme to manipulate others without regard to consequences of inflicting harm. It is the cold-hearted way the sociopath reacts to his victims that illustrates his lack of moral compass and detachment from other human beings.

1 Observe the person in his day-to-day life to assess her interactions with others. Sociopaths may be charming, but their actions are calculated to manipulate others. Common behaviors include scams, fraud and deception and may include feigned emotions to appeal to the victim's emotions.

2 Watch for indications that the individual pursues anything they want at the expense of others. According to Austin Peay State University, the sociopath's life revolves around meeting his own needs without regards to others.

3 Verify stories and information provided by the suspected sociopath. Sociopaths typically concoct elaborate backgrounds, inflate their worth and experience and simply lie to convince others to give them what they want.

4 Look for lack of expression of guilt or remorse for wrongful actions towards others. Lack of emotion and failure to express remorse typically signals sociopathic tendencies. Sociopaths convicted of violent crimes typically remain expressionless and exhibit a cold exterior.

5 Assess whether the individual has the mental capability to understand their actions. Sociopaths typically understand their actions and know they are wrong or socially unacceptable but simply don't care. Mentally challenged individuals may lack the cognitive abilities to understand their own actions.

6 Arrange for psychological testing to determine the stability of the individual. Children may exhibit sociopathic traits in the early teens. Lying, stealing and violating laws may signal the onset of sociopathic personalities. Psychological testing rules out other psychological issues that may present with similar traits.

Songs That Get You

2011-04-04T10:57:00.002-04:00

You know when you hear a song and even though you don't know the words yet, you love the feeling the music gives you? And if the guy singing is pretty to look at, that helps too.

The song I linked had been dubbed The Country Rap Song. The title is actually Dirt Road Anthem.

This song makes me smile. And smiles are few and far between these days.

Today

2011-03-24T13:15:00.002-04:00

So the song is one that I try to listen to everyday. I need to hear the words. It has nothing to do with the first part of what I am going to write though. There isn't a song that can really describe how I'm feeling about that.

Today, my best friend had to deliver her baby that she knew would be born still born. On Monday (my birthday) the Doctors told her that her baby had died at 18 1/2 weeks in to her pregnancy. At 0720 this morning the baby was delivered with it's umbilical cord wrapped around it's neck.

Today SUCKS.

Happy Birthday To Me!

2011-03-21T10:41:00.000-04:00

That is all.

Well Then

2011-03-14T13:58:00.000-04:00

So, Friday I wrecked my car. GOOD JOB. Haven't heard from the body shop yet so I am not sure if it's going to be totaled or not yet.

I bumped my head and had a mild concussion. Of course I didn't know that until I was on my way home to get my rental car and became really sick. To the ER I went. Drugs and rest. :( I'm sick and tired. And really sick and tired.

And sick of being tired. And tired of being sick.

Wordless Wednesday (almost)

2011-03-02T16:35:00.000-05:00

I used to do wordless Wednesday. I think I will try to get back to that. Wordless Wednesday means I will just use pictures to explain how I feel.

Cupid is Stupid

2011-02-14T12:02:00.003-05:00

I don't love me. There I admitted it. I mean, I like me and I like all kinds of things about me, but I don't love me. I'm working on that though. List is made. Plan is in motion. I've got a job to do.

For far too long, I allowed myself to try to find self validation by making others feel good. I married a man that didn't love me. I mean sure, I thought he did when I married him. I mean he said he did so he had to have right? Yeah well, we all know how that is ending.

There's nothing like making you love yourself like being married to someone who made you hate what little bit you did like about yourself in the first place. And then walks away to go be with another woman. HELLO, kick to the stomach of my self esteem CHECK.

I'm that smart, pretty, successfull, funny, educated all around girl. I can go anywhere and start a conversation or hold my own in most games and in most environments, whether it is in heels, boots or tennis shoes. I know all these things about myself but yet I still allow people who don't deserve me to be a part of my life. HEY SELF. Get a clue. A big clue. Like Colonel Mustard in the study with the candlestick kind of clue.

Today. I think cupid is stupid. BUT most of us have our own arrows and sit and shoot them until we hit something. Never paying attention to why we might have missed our target the first couple of times. Because you are shooting at the wrong target. HELLO.

I Don't

2011-02-08T13:46:00.001-05:00

I don't hope like I used to
I don't dream like I once did

Trust is not in my vocabulary
Love is only in fairy tales

Sometimes I get lost along the way
Staring out across the horizon
Hopeful

Only to find myself
Taking a step back
Afraid

My hopes and dreams
Picked apart
By my emotions of the past

There are moments when my heart flutters
When tears of joy spring into my eyes
But then
through a tiny crack
doubt creeps in

Doubts rapidly invade my mind
No question is left unasked
Walls go up
around my heart
I’m suffocating, I can’t breathe

My mind races, my heart aches
My needs and wants are confused
I am my own worst enemy

I struggle and pull
I push and fight
I scream inside

Silently impatient
Waiting on a change
Restless with emotion
Angered by the pain

I Will Survive

2011-01-24T15:44:00.000-05:00

I can't.

I CAN

I WILL.

I MUST.

How I Feel : In Pictures

2011-01-19T11:31:00.000-05:00

Things Other People Said

2010-12-02T15:14:00.000-05:00

The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won't. ~Henry Ward Beecher

When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving oneself, and one always ends by deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance. ~Oscar Wilde

Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. ~Malachy McCourt

Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose. ~Helen Keller

Profound

2010-12-01T09:50:00.003-05:00

It's not often that we find something or hear something that grips you.

Even if you cannot put yourself in the shoes of ther person speaking, you can hear their pain, see it, feel it. Your chest clinches and tears flow from your eyes.

That is what this girl did.

I Mean Really?

2010-11-30T11:51:00.000-05:00

Today marks the SIXTEETH DAY since I have been sick. What gives? I went to the Doctor about four days in. Sinus infection, cold, etc etc. I got a round of antibiotics and some codeine laced cough syrup. Yeah well. That didn't help. I spent every other day the week before last at home in bed. Last week I made it to work every day feeling miserable. This week. STILL SICK. WHAT THE?

This morning I woke up with my nose completely stopped up, a hacking cough and feeling like someone drop kicked me in my sleep.

I've tried baths, showers, Vicks, cough medicine, theraflu, inhalers, nasal spray, sleep and various other tricks. Nothing is working.

PLEASE make it go away. Someone? Anyone? Light a candle, say a chant, dance in a circle, pray, cast a spell, something.

What Makes Me Happy

2010-11-23T12:23:00.003-05:00

With all of the depressing posts I have been making lately, I figured I would jump on the bandwagon of posters and Facebookers and post about what makes me happy. I am a different sort so enjoy.

What makes me happy...

A cold glass of sweet white wine
A good book
A porch swing
Ballet
Singing
Playing the Piano
Dancing
Silence
Music
Dr. Pepper
A clean house
The way someone that loves me looks at me
Sarcasm
Art
Learning
Discovering
Writing
Hoping
Dreaming
Success

Shattered

2010-11-16T12:31:00.000-05:00

Words can be like a bullet
The kind that only has an entry wound.
They pierce the heart
Only to bounce around
hitting every major artery and organ
until all the damage is done.

You are on life support
All hope escapes you
Something else is breathing for you

Where do you go?
Do you stay in between?
Do you let go and succumb to your injuries?
Do you fight and wake up, damaged and lost?

Happy 235th Birthday to ME (and the United States Marine Corps)

2010-11-10T15:05:00.000-05:00

THE UNITED STATES MARINE CORPS... is 235 years of romping, stomping, hell, death and destruction. The finest fighting machine the world has ever seen. We were born in a Bomb Crater, Our Mother was an M-16 & Our Father was the Devil. Each moment that I live is an additional threat upon your life. I am a rough looking, roving soldier of the sea. I am cocky, self-centered, overbearing, and do not know the meaning of fear, for I am fear itself. I am a green amphibious monster, made of blood and guts, who arose from the sea, feasting on anti-Americans throughout the globe. Whenever it may arise, and when my time comes, I will die a glorious death on the battlefield, giving my life for Mom, the Corps, and the American Flag. We stole the eagle from the Air Force, the anchor from the Navy, and the rope from the Army. On the 7th day, while God rested, we over-ran his perimeter and stole the globe, and we've been running the show ever since. We live like soldiers and talk like sailors and slap the Hell out of both of them. Marine by day, lover by night, American by the grace of God.

SEMPER FIDELIS to my fellow Marines. Both active, reserves, retired and those that only spent a few years. To those that are no longer with us, Rest In Peace Brothers and Sisters.

This Week On Facebook

2010-10-28T10:34:00.000-04:00

So it seems that I am quite the funny person per all of my friends on Facebook. Often times I am profound as well. Maybe my writing has not really gone away, it is just quick and brilliant (a little arrogant huh?)

Anywhoway. I figured that I would list my status updates for this week. Ready? Set? GO! False start. 5 yard penalty. Repeat second down.

Today (Thursday):

The grass is greener on the other side because it is fertilized with bullshit.

Yesterday (Wednesday):

I may not be the most beautiful, or the sexiest, nor do I have the perfect body. I might not be everyone's first choice, but I'm a great choice! I don't pretend to be someone I'm not, because I'm good at being me! I might not be proud of some of the things I've done in the past, but I'm proud of who I am today! Take me... as I am, or watch me walk away!

Your freedom is visible at Arlington National Cemetary.

I would rather be too school for cool, than too cool for school.

Tuesday:

Stupid screen door is open and the wind is blowing it back and forth making creepy sounds. Guess that means I have to get up with the shotgun and go close it.

My hamster wheel is slow. I just can't seem to bring myself to run around it all excited right now.

Dear SNOTTY lady sitting beside me on the bus. If you are going to buy your clothes at Goodwill, wash them before you wear them. I can recognize that smell anywhere. I buy my clothes there too. Oh and with that attitude, I think you need to be reading something a little stronger than Billy Graham on your iPhone.

A lot of crazy stuff is going to happen when pigs learn to fly. Just think about it.

When it comes to driving, anybody going slower than me is an idiot, and anyone going faster than me is a maniac.

I'm not lying down. I'm in landscape mode.

Pennies are like seconds, you fail to realize how precious they are, until you are down to your last few.

˙ǝןƃuɐ ʇuǝɹǝɟɟıp ɐ ɯoɹɟ pןɹoʍ ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooן ɐ ƃuıʞɐʇ

Always look on the bright side. For example, don't think of yourself as an ugly person, think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

Monday:

Hey LCpl. Thanks for the lecture about my expired base sticker. But um yeah. I will tell "my Marine" as you called him, "to get right on that." Did you notice it expired TWO months ago? Yep, "my Marine" is all over it. Especially since he doesn't even have decals on his truck.

A U.S. military member is somewhere in the world tonight missing their family while you are safe at home. In the minute it takes you to read this, military members all over the world are not only saving lives, but they are also sacrificing their own life for your freedom.

Today, may you be as happy, as a person in an infomercial.

Go go Gadget car.

Nothing Moves Me Anymore

2010-10-21T15:38:00.000-04:00

This song explains just how I feel about my writing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVCYRtdtCPU

The Week In Pictures (TWIP)

2010-08-20T13:14:00.000-04:00

TWIP. That's the new thing. Or my new thing. Whatever. I do what I want. You're not the boss of me.

You get what you see. And I say what I feel.

Sleepy.

2010-08-17T09:24:00.000-04:00

Purely.
Utterly.
Exhausted.

By 9pm I am hardly able to speak or hold my eyes open.

Something has to give.

Aching

2010-08-11T11:41:00.001-04:00

Touch me.
My skin lays waiting.
Caress me.
My heart needs to know
a touch.

Emotions are empty.
They lack depth.
Silence is befitting.

My inner dreamer
wanst to know a
love
with
butterflies.

I'm aching.

Letter to Myself

2010-08-10T12:17:00.001-04:00

Where did you go?
It seems like it's been forever.
I haven't seen you around.
That wild girl I used to know
has disappeared.

I know that life changes,
we grow up.
But growing up
doesn't have to mean giving up.

I know she's in there.
Dying to bust out and dance.
Dreaming of the day you let her out
to show off again.

Let yourself shine.
Stop blowing out your candle.
Be yourself.

Let her go.
Stop holding her back.

What The EFF Friday?

2010-08-06T16:17:00.000-04:00

I need a drink. That is all really. I need something to make this day better.

As it stands right now, I want to face stomp or throat punch someone.

And rumor has it, traffic is a holy nightmare. I mean, after it taking me 3.5 hours to get home from work last night, the last thing I need to do is do it all over again today.

What the EFF Friday?

Hello August

2010-08-03T11:43:00.000-04:00

Let's hope that you don't act up like your friend July. I've had about enough.

I am exhausted. We drove over 900 miles to Illinois last Sunday, then we drove almost another 900 to Florida on Tuesday. Then we drove from Florida to Virginia this morning (another almost 900 miles). I made it just in time to hope on my charter bus to go to work.

A wedding and a funeral in the same week. *Sigh*. We were able to meet some amazing new friends and spend time with old friends and family. All in all, it was a great time.

Now I am -40 hours of vacation time though. Ack. Guess I won't be going anywhere anytime soon.

Here's to August.

Dear July. I hate you.

2010-07-28T01:16:00.001-04:00

I mean really?

My husband and I drove to Jacksonville, Illinois on Sunday morning, to make it in time for a funeral on Monday morning.

One of my husband's closest friends was killed in action in Afghanistan on July 17th. Matt served with E for 4 years in the Corps, where they were roommates and deployed to Fallujah twice. Matt deployed a third time to Ramadi and E moved to another unit.

Matt's desire to do Special Ops lead him to get out and join the Army. Airborne. Rangers.

This was Matt's 5th deployment if you combine them all. He was due to come home on the 29th of this month.

What a heartbreaking experience this has been.

Can this month please get over?

RIP Matthew Weikert

When It's Finally Real

2010-07-20T09:40:00.009-04:00

Over the years you hear about someone being KIA. Then you just want to believe it's not true. I've dealt with more than my fair share of losses thanks to Iraq and Afghanistan.

But when you see the DoD Release, then you know that's when it's finally real.

DOD Identifies Marine Casualty

The Department of Defense announced today the death of a Marine who was supporting Operation Enduring Freedom.

Staff Sgt. Justus S. Bartelt, 27, of Polo, Ill., died July 16 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 2nd Battalion, 6th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

Rest in Peace:

1stLt Frederick Pokorney KIA 23 Mar 2003
Sgt Edgar Lopez KIA 28 Aug 2004
Captain John Maloney KIA 16 June 2005
SSgt Jason Ramseyer KIA 20 Apr 2006
LCpl Eric Herzberg KIA 26 Oct 2006
Sgt Jerome "Jerry" Bell KIA 19 Sept 2008
SSgt Justus Bartelt KIA 16 July 2010

Rest in Peace Marines. I will see you at the gates of heaven.

TAPS

2010-07-19T15:41:00.007-04:00

Staff Sergeant Justus Bartelt.

KIA. Afghanistan. July 2010.

Semper Fidelis.

You were truly one of a kind.

A Ten. I give it a Ten.

2010-07-14T09:08:00.004-04:00

My ability to fall down stairs is astounding.

Monday morning, I fell down the last four stairs of the eight stairs in front of my house.

Seems I have torn some ligaments, tendons and muscles. No breaks. I mean that would be easy.

Here are a few pictures of my injuries:

In the ER:

In the ER:

Day Two:

I also scraped up my left knee and my left foot. My right arm escaped injury free until they gave me a tetanus shot in it.

Can I get a round of applause please?

I'm Not Touching You. I'm Not Touching You.

2010-07-08T15:51:00.001-04:00

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel "pick up your shovel, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land".

Nearly 75 years ago, Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land".
Now Obama has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of Camels, and mortgaged the Promised Land!

I was so depressed last night thinking about health care plans, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, savings, social security, retirement funds, etc. So, I called Lifeline, the suicide help line. Got a freakin' call center in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they all got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Style and Grace

2010-07-01T13:35:00.002-04:00

How does one fall down a set of brick stairs and scrape their leg, hand and knee but doesn't tear their stockings?

Not so gracefully, that's how.

Excuse Me, Miss

2010-06-18T11:00:00.004-04:00

So I'm walking all fast like out of a building. The Main building for the De-part-ment that I work for, when I hear, "excuse me, Miss?" I stopped and turned to see this security guard. He smirked. I did the squinty eye thing of "wait....I know you from somewhere thought." YEP. Sure as shit (never really understood that phrase), there stood RH.

RH is a guy that was standing outside of a local bar (down where I live), one night quite late. My girlfriends and I had been drinking a bit and somehow I was standing there talking to RH. And discovered that he worked as a Security Guard where I work. REALLY? Seriously? Small world huh? Of all the building and places to work he works for the same place? My building is HUGE. I mean HUGE (that's what she said). The chances of him seeing me walk out of his exit (there are a ton of exits) on a day that he works are pretty random. About as random as him being outside of a bar that I am at

Yeah, and so today was the first time I've seen him since that night. Nothing romantical about it, since I am a married women after all. It's just a small little world out there. DC is a big ass city. Where I live is about 40 miles away. There are a lot, I mean AAAAAAA LOOOOOTTTTTTTTT of places to work in between here and there.

I must learn to hide better.

Dear Monday

2010-06-14T09:48:00.003-04:00

Monday, Monday. I haven't seen a really bad one of you in a long time. I thought that our life long rivalry had finally come to some sort of truce. Oh how wrong I was. I guess you were just waiting until my guard was down so that you could attack. Or were you waiting until the husband and I had a great Sunday and I woke up all happy and rainbowy and stuff? Either way. YOU SUCK. AGAIN. STILL. EFF You.

You couldn't even wait until the morning light to jack up my Monday. At 12:15am I received a text from an old friend in regards to another old friend. Really? ICU? Critical? Septic Shock? Come on. EFF Hospitals.

Then, my alarm was set for 5:42pm not am. NICE. Only woke up ONE hour late. No biggie. Then of course, the slug line was LONG and I missed the window to find a parking spot in the lot I needed to be in. EFF alarms.

Oh and who picks me up for a ride but my friend CC. I should have just gotten a ride with someone else because the fact that he has to text his girlfriend (who hates me) when I get in the car and when he drops me off, makes me want to hurl in his new Infinity. EFF jealous people.

And then, I realized I forgot my badge. Not only did I forget my badge, but I forgot my Smartrip Card. Damn it outloud. EFF forgetting things.

Last but not least, my HR department has been waiting for me to bring in a copy of something for over a week. Guess what I forgot this morning? You guessed it. The paper. EFF forgetting things. Squared.

Dear Monday. I hate you.

Effword Friday

2010-06-11T09:46:00.003-04:00

The silence of my anger is deafening.

I can feel it ripping through my heart like an armor piercing bullet.

Tears puddle into the bottom of my eyes.

Ever so close to spilling over the edge.

I try to collect my thoughts and nothing but confusion seems to come.

It hurts to breath.

I'm suffocating in "I just don't understand".

I'm grasping at something to hold on to.

The more I grab, the more everything slips through my fingers.

Disconnected

2010-06-10T15:40:00.004-04:00

Disconnected

My lungs burn with anticipation of feeling.

My nerves pinch as I try to use words to soothe my defeat.

My insecurities play war against my creativity.

Thoughts rush forth but the words will not spring from my tongue.

I am void of any communication that makes me feel alive.

I have learned to smile and hide the pain.

Not The Mama

2010-06-08T16:19:00.003-04:00

I hate one uppers. I hate people who think that just because I am not a Mother that they can always try to one up my bad day or my late for work or my so busy statement.

I know, because you are a Mother, you can just trade with me because your life is worse than mine or better than mine depending on the day you want to try to be better or worse than me so that you can get attention or have someone pay attention to you. <----run on sentence.

And my smart ass answer will be "oh I know, maybe I will allow my vagina to produce an excuse for everything." Let me get right on that since I'm not busy enough with working and having a life.

Dum Dums - Suckers - But Not The Lollipops

2010-06-07T15:53:00.004-04:00

In recent months, with all of my single girlfriends, I’ve come to notice that men around these parts want to date stupid women. Or women that they can control or “be the tough guy” with. They don’t want to date a woman who is secure and stable and knows who she is and what she wants because they fear that they cannot live up to the expectations. Even though those expectations are set somewhere in their minds and not in the woman’s mind.

Men still fear being equal to a woman. They think that the same as being inferior or less than. And until they get over that, they will forever date women who will feed them and fuck them while they finance it all. What a waste of time and effort.

Back to WTFF?

2010-06-04T10:18:00.002-04:00

I just don't understand why people can't do their jobs. I mean seriously, I've seen girls on the corner in Miami working harder to suck a dick for $20.00 than most people work at returning a phone call or an e-mail or "gasp" doing their job.

Hey hooker behind the desk over there at "that place". Stop being a See You Next Tuesday. I mean really. I don't give a damn if you are OLD and set in your ways. Times, they have changed. DO it electronically. That's the way it is done.

Oh and don't tell me to call my SA's to get an answer when it's YOUR SA's that I will be calling. Don't try to play me for a rookie. I know better.

WTF is going on with the workforce today? People are starving and killing themselves. Get your lazy ass out of that chair and go home and starve so that someone can come in and work.

That is it. Bless your hearts and have a nice day.

Dear Hateful Wild Animal From Last Night

2010-06-02T13:03:00.003-04:00

Look here Raccoon, I know that we have a dog door and that it's big enough to fit most animals through, but you are not welcome in my basement. Especially at 2:30am. You ate dog food and then terrorized the dogs who terrorized you back and then my husband who tried to make you go away. You are lucky that I talked him out of putting a shotgun hole in the side of the house.

Your days are numbered. Just like those pesky squirrels in the backyard that keep chewing holes in my birdfeeders. My fancy BB gun was ordered before you even made an appearance and you be sorry that you scampered your way into our house.

TOO Much Tuesday

2009-09-08T15:51:00.003-04:00

Let me just say that my Labor Day weekend was very Labor intensive.

I took Thursday and Friday off to move/unpack/clean/be miserable. 5 days later and I am done moving. WOOOOO!

I am NOT done cleaning or unpacking and I damn sure am still miserable.

I am exhausted 10 different ways from Sunday. Blah.

Currently, I am typing with one hand as I hold my cell phone and work phone to my ear (both on hold). WTF?

We had a meeting this morning. The F word was used more than 20 times. Voices were raised. Stomachs turned. Hearts skipped beats. It was awful.

I've had too much. I'm stressed to my max capacity.

Dear Verizon. You can kiss my white ass. Your entire company has lost their minds. FYI: I have been on hold/on the line for 30 minutes and counting. The next CS person that answers the phone is going to hate their Tuesday. I've had too much.

After piano practice this evening.

I am going to go home and have too much.

Cherry Vodka and Red Bull, please and thank you.

Monday In Pictures

2009-08-31T13:29:00.003-04:00

WTFF

2009-08-28T09:30:00.003-04:00

1) Dear Niece. You will never learn. You think it's a joke that you got kicked out of not only public school, but alternative school and then a school for girls. Your little ass if going to a program 5 hours away from home. Bet you won't be so gangster and hard then. WTF are you thinking?

2) Dear Guy in the convertible corvette with his son in the front seat. Yeah, that was me that reported you as an aggressive driver. Bet you will think twice about trying to run someone off the road and then trying to intimidate them by yelling at them and threatening them in STOPPED traffic. WTF were you thinking? Dumb ass.

3) Dear Wells Fargo. Just like last week. You can kiss my ass. WTF is your problem?

4) Dear husband. It would be nice to see you sometime. WTF?

5) Dear body. You and I are about to fight and I guarantee I will win. WTF are you thinking making me look like this?

6) Dear friend. I don't want to get up at 8am tomorrow to get to Hooters by 11am for the pre Kenny Chesney concert party. It's bad enough that the gates for the concert don't open until 6:30 but you want to be out all day? WTF are you thinking?

7) Dear Talon and Tayzon's mother. WTF were you thinking when you named your children?

8) Dear self. Ummmm...your move out date is in 9 days. WTF are you doing? Finish that packing. Please also refer to #4.

Monday In Pictures aka Mute Monday

2009-08-24T16:32:00.002-04:00

WTFF

2009-08-21T13:54:00.002-04:00

1) Mexican food for lunch = bad idea. WTF was I thinking?

2) Why do I have 50 bottles of unopened wine in my house? WTF? I am a disgrace to ~~alcoholics~~ , ahem, I mean wine lovers everywhere.

3) How in the H E double hockey sticks (hell for those of you that aren't as cool as me) did I accumluate so much ~~shit~~ wonderful things in my apartment? WTF?

4) If I go out with the girls tonight and THE Husband goes fishing and then he has plans to go see a Pre Season football game tomorrow, doesn't that mean I get another girls night out tomorrow? WTF would I even question that for? H E double hockey sticks (plural) Yeah. HELLS YEAH that is.

5) WHY can't Wells Fargo get off of their asses and fix their mess up so I can buy the house from them? WTF is wrong with that place?

6) WTF is up with people traveling so much today? Traffic has been backed up for miles since 8am.

7) WTF? Have you seen my stapler?

8) WTF? Why am I not off work yet and sitting somewhere macking on a tasty beverage?

Bueller?

Bueller?

Bueller?

Happy Bday G-Ma

2009-08-18T12:34:00.003-04:00

SHE SO DOES!!!

Not that my Grandma reads this, and not because she is practically blind and wouldn't know how to operate a computer if I did it for her, but hey, shot out to G-ma.

Happy Birthday! 89 years. WOW! What a wonderful life! August 18, 1920. My how the world has changed.

What an inspiration you still are. Growing up on a farm as an only child. You were able to go to college and graduate with a nursing degree (GO SYRACUSE ORANGE). In 1941 you became a mother for the first time (God Rest your soul Aunt Peggy) and a nurse.

You found the courage to leave an alcoholic abusive husband and move with your three children over 1,800 miles away. How things would have changed if you had not done that. Such as, I probably wouldn't be writing this message. So thanks for that.

For 40 years you worked at a nursing home, making it your career and eventually retiring as the Director and one of the most respected women in healthcare in your day.

May the funny old men in the assisted living home not astound you too much with their sex stories and may you know that your family loves you and misses you more than they often show.

Happy Birthday To the Best Grandma in the World.

Your first Granddaughter!!!! (The Best One of Course) --- **there are only two of us***

11 Days

2009-08-11T09:50:00.009-04:00

**August 01, 2009 **

DoD Identifies Marine Casualties

The Department of Defense announced today the death of two Marines who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom.

Lance Cpl. Gregory A. Posey, 22, of Knoxville, Tennessee.
Lance Cpl. Jonathan F. Stroud, 20, of Cashion, Okla., died July 30 of wounds suffered while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan.

**August 03, 2009 **

DoD Identifies Army Casualties

The Department of Defense announced today the death five soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.

Staff Sgt. Johnny R. Polk, 39, of Gulfport, Miss., died July 25 at Landstuhl Regional Medical Center, Landstuhl, Germany, of wounds suffered when his vehicle was struck by an anti-tank grenade on July 23 in Kirkuk, Iraq.

Spc. Alexander J. Miller, 21, of Clermont, Fla., died July 31 in Nuristan Province, Afghanistan.

The Department of Defense announced today the death of three soldiers who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom. They died Aug. 1 in Mushan Village, Afghanistan, of wounds sustained when insurgents attacked their patrol with improvised explosive devices and rocket-propelled grenades.
Killed were:

Cpl. Jonathan M. Walls, 27, of West Lawn, Penn.;
Pfc. Richard K. Jones, 21, of Roxboro, N.C.; and
Pvt. Patrick S. Fitzgibbon, 19, of Knoxville, Tenn

**August 04, 2009 **

DoD Identifies Army Casualties

The Department of Defense announced today the death of three soldiers who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom. They died from wounds suffered when insurgents attacked their vehicle with an improvised explosive device Aug. 2 in Qole Gerdsar, Afghanistan.

Killed were:

Capt. Ronald G. Luce Jr., 27, of Fayetteville, N.C.;
Sgt. 1st Class Alejandro Granado, 42, of Fairfax, Va.; and
Sgt. 1st Class Severin W. Summers III, 43, of Bentonia, Miss.

**August 05, 2009 **

DoD Identifies Army Casualty

The Department of Defense announced today the death of a soldier who was supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.

Pvt. Keiffer P. Wilhelm, 19, of Plymouth, Ohio, died August 4 in Maysan province, Iraq.

**August 06, 2009 **

DoD Identifies Navy Casualty

The Department of Defense announced today the death of a sailor who was supporting Operation Enduring Freedom.

Petty Officer 3rd Class Anthony C. Garcia, 21, of Panama City, Fla. died Aug. 5 while supporting combat operations in Farah Province, Afghanistan.

**August 07, 2009 **

DoD Identifies Marine Casualties

The Department of Defense announced today the death of four Marines who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom.

The following Marines died Aug. 6 while supporting combat operations in Farah province, Afghanistan:

Lance Cpl. James D. Argentine, 22, of Farmingdale, N.Y.
Lance Cpl. Travis T. Babine, 20, of San Antonio, Texas.
Cpl. Christian A. Guzman Rivera, 21, of Homestead, Fla.
Sgt. Jay M. Hoskins, 24, of Paris, Texas.

**August 09, 2009 **

DoD Identifies Marine Casualty

The Department of Defense announced today the death of a Marine who was supporting Operation Enduring Freedom.

Capt. Matthew C. Freeman, 29, of Richmond Hill, Ga., died Aug. 7 while supporting combat operations in Kapisa province, Afghanistan.

**August 10, 2009 **

DoD Identifies Army Casualties

The Department of Defense announced today the death of three soldiers who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom.

Staff Sgt. Tara J. Smith, 33, of Nashville, N.C., died Aug. 8 in Bagram, Afghanistan.

Spc. Matthew K.S. Swanson, 20, of Lake Forest, Calif., died Aug. 8 at the National Naval Medical Center in Bethesda, Md., of injuries sustained during a vehicle roll-over July 19 in Logar Province, Afghanistan.

Sgt. Jerry R. Evans Jr., 23, of Eufaula, Ala., died Aug. 7 in Wardak Province, Afghanistan.

**August 10, 2009 **

DoD Identifies Marine Casualty

The Department of Defense announced today the death of three Marine who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom.

Lance Cpl. Dennis J. Burrow, 23, of Naples, Fla., died Aug. 7, 2009 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan.

Lance Cpl. Javier Olvera, 20, of Palmdale, Calif. died Aug. 8, 2009 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan.

Lance Cpl. Patrick W. Schimmel, 21, of Winfield, Mo., died Aug. 9, 2009 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan.

**August 11, 2009 **

DoD Identifies Army Casualty

The Department of Defense announced today the death of a soldier who was supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.

Spc. Richard A. Walters Jr., 41, of Cleveland, Ohio, died Aug. 10 in Ali Al Salem, Kuwait.

Mute Mondays

2009-08-10T09:43:00.003-04:00

Where The Hell Have I Been?

2009-07-27T10:22:00.005-04:00

Last week, I had to fly to THE A K (as one of the locals called it). That would be Alaska for those of you that don't know your state abbreviations.

The picture above is of a nice tasty morsel that found itself as my meal one night. YUM!

I was gone from Monday-Thurday. In case you didn't know, during the summer in AK (the), there are about 19.5 hours of daylight and about 4.5 hours of darkness. Which is actually only dusk like.

This picture was taken downtown at about 11:30pm. Don't ask where all the people are. It was just as creepy to me.

I returned home on Thursday evening and worked from home on Friday because I was jet effing lagged. Thanks to meeting up with some locals on Wednesday night and partaking in some Alaskan nightlife (read, they tricked me into going to a strip club by just calling it ABC --Alaskan Bush Company--).

On Saturday night, THE Husband and I went to a concert here in VA. Jimmy Wayne, Dierks Bentley and Brad Paisley . To say our seats were great is really an understatement. I was touched (literally) by all three of the men. ONLY ON THE HAND you pervs.

Below are some pics for you enjoyment. All taken with the iPhone that does NOT have zoom, so yes, I was that close.

First up we had Jimmy Wayne:

Next we had Dierks Bentley (one of those hands is mine as someone else too the pic for me):

And last but not least, Brad Paisley:

WTFF

2009-07-17T11:52:00.005-04:00

I am so TIRED. SOOOOO TIRED. Need a nap now! I wonder if I crawl under my desk if anyone will see me. Or miss me???

Anywhoway.

1) Why is it that when you have to get up to take your significant other to work that you end up being late and they don't? WTF?

2) Why is it that when you are running late, you always have to stop to get gas? WTF?

3) WHY does it take so long to get the pump started. WTF?
3a) Step one. Pop gas tank.
3b) Step two. Get out of car and open gas door then twist off cap.
3c) Step three. Slip card into slot.
3d) Step four. Pick pay credit outside.
3e) Step five. Choose YES I want a receipt.
3f) Step six. Choose which type of gas I want.
3g) Step seven. Remove nozzle from holder.
3h) Step eight. Place nozzle in gas tank and begin pumping.

SERIOUSLY? WTF?

4) Why does my pulled muscle (not a cracked or broken rib) still hurt? WTF? Go away.

5) Why did my husband think it was okay to spend $87.25 at the bar (tip not included) with me there and I didn't get anything? No drink. No shot. No food. WTF?

6) Why are my Fridays always so damn busy. Come on. I know I am going on travel next week but seriosuly, WTF?

7) WHY do banks take so long to respond to a short sale? WTF already. I agreed to everything they are asking for. Let me buy that damn house. I have things planned around a certain closing date. Damn it. WTF?

8) WHY do I have to fly back from Alaska on Thursday in the middle of rush our DC traffic and have to drive home jet lagged and then have to work on Friday? WTF?

9) Why can't I go home? It's noon. I'm tired. I want a break. WTF?

10) Why can't I think of anything fun to do tonight but sleep? WTF? Sleep is for the weak right?

Hey Mom, Remember That Time

2009-07-14T11:45:00.007-04:00

When you ran me over with our car? I know you do. Not really all that hard to forget. I know, I know, I shouldn't bring it up, especially since it was about 31 years ago, but hey, I want to tell a story and in order to do so, well...I have to tell this one.

Picture this if you will. I'm talking to you, yeah you, the readers. Pay attention. Anyway, back to the picture. It was circa December 1978, I was 4. My husband had not even been born yet. *NOT FUNNY* Moving on. We lived in a trailer park (what...bitches?) My mother drove a 1973 Plymouth Fury III. It was huge (that's what HE said).

So, one Monday morning, I came skipping out of the house ready to go to pre-school. I was a nerdy little tomboy kid who LOVED school. The night before, we had received some Christmas gifts from the church. My Mother had taken them from the passenger side of the car when we got home. Like all little kids who can't open a door that big, I climbed into my Moms side of the car (yes, kids sat up front back in those days).

As we started to back out of our circular driveway, the passenger car door flew open. What did little ole nerdy tomboy me do? I reached out to grab it to close it. What happened to me? I fell out of the car. What happened after that? Can you guess? You should be able to, I mentioned it in the first sentence of this posting. I'll wait while you go back and check. Hmmmm...hhmmmm....hmmmmm...

Back? Okay. So yeah, the right front tire ran across my chest. Yes sir/ma'm, that huge care ran over me. With my Mother behind the wheel. I was FOUR. Being the hard kid that I was, I picked myself up off the ground and walked over to my Mothers side of the car and stood there looking at her. Moments later, I collapsed. YA THINK?

My Mother is not one to panic. She didn't in this case either. She was a little freaked out as I had blood coming from my nose and my mouth and I wanted to go to sleep. However, she made me stay awake as she flew to the hospital. I remember that. She parked in the parking area of the emergency room, put me in her arms and walked into the ER and said "I ran her over with me car."

HOLY Doctors and Nurses. They came out of the woodworks like roaches when the lights get turned on. The next thing I remember, I said to my Mother "Call JD and Judy (the Pastor and his wife) and have them come pray for me."

I spent three days in the hospital. Yep, a whole three days. They deemed me the miracle child. I had a bald spot on the back of my head, a giant scrape down my right arm, a COOL tiremark embedded in my chest and a little scar from where they had to put the chest tube when lung collapsed from the puncture in it. That's another story in itself. My MOM made a nurse cry and threatened a Doctor within an inch of his life.

As for me, (because this is all about me), I was angry that they put me in a baby crib in the ICU. I was NOT a baby. I HATED my chest tube with a passion. And the old man that died while I was in there still haunts me. I remember them trying to save him.

I do still however, have the Santa from my crib, the book I was given from the present tree and the gift of life.

NO...this is NOT why I am so flat chested.

Look at that, even at four I was a clumsy hot mess.

WTFF

2009-07-10T14:04:00.002-04:00

I'm going to try to start a new thing. WTFF. It stands for WTF Fridays.

Fridays are either horribly busy or so slow that I can barely keep my eyes open with out toothpicks.

Today is one of those toothpick days. So here is my first entry into WTFF.

1) WHO names their child AWESOME? Are you serious? Really? That's your name? WOW. Out loud. WTF?

2) While we are on the topic of names, there is a girl that I know, whose name is Crystal. Her last name is Day. Take a wild guess at what her middle name is? Come on...Crystal _______ Day. If you guessed CLEAR then you are todays winner (of nothing). Crystal Clear Day. REALLY people? WTF?

3) Dear Smart Ones Meals. If you are going to make a dish hot. I mean, my throat and lips are burning from the spices hot, then you should warn a bitch. WTF?

4) Hey dumb ass. My rib is either cracked or I tore my intercosal muscle (still waiting on the xray results). What makes you think I want to go to
Kings Dominion???? Roller costers and rides that slam you around are not condusive to such injuries. WTF?

5) Hey Steve McNair. WTF were you thinking? Guess it doesn't matter anymore. Dumb ass. Did you honestly think that a 20 year old waitress wasn't going to cap your ass when she figured out you really weren't leaving your wife? WTF?

6) I meant what I said the last time I saw you. What happened was 21 years ago. If you choose not to remember then that is your damn fault. I choose to hate you. I also choose to wish nothing but the worst for you. Don't you ever ask someone if they know anything about me or where I am. WTF are you thinking? Stupid bastard.

7) Dear drivers/travelers. In case you haven't noticed, or you can't read, the DC area has the SECOND worst traffic in the nation. WHY on earth would you plan a trip that will put you in rush hour traffic? Granted the traffic here SUCKS all the time but rush hour is much worse. GET ouf of my way. I'm trying to go home. You should have been 100 miles from here by now. WTF?

8) Why is it only 2:30pm? 5:00 can't come fast enough. Why is the President of the Company as well as the Director of Operations on vacation and they can't see it fit to give us a "go home a little early day?" They do it all the time when they are here. WTF?

9) Dear self. When someone in the office says "I can't get it in the hole" while talking about the plug for their computer speakers. It is NOT appropraiate to say "that's what HE said." WTF woman?

10) Dear husband. When you say "we are going to that party tonight" and I have no idea what you are talking about, don't proceed to say "we are leaving at 7:30" when I won't even be home from work until 6:30 thanks to the idiots from #7. WTF are you thinking?

It's Friday. I should be sleeping or drinking or something. Not working. WTF?

It Doesn't Hurt So Good

2009-07-09T09:58:00.003-04:00

Holy Pain. Or unholy pain. Whatever.

I have a very HIGH tolerance for pain. Normally, the Doctor looks at me and says "WHY didn't you come in sooner? Are you crazy?" Nope. Just didn't think it hurt that bad.

It seems that I have either broken/cracked/bruised a rib or torn a muscle. To say it hurts is a serious understatement. It was just a little uncomfortable yesterday. I would say about a 5 on the pain scale. Today, I woke up at a 12 and have remained at a constant 10 all day.

Breathing = Hurts
Driving = Hurts
Moving at all = Hurts

I mean brings me to tears hurts.

The breathing thing, not such a good idea to have problems breathing when you are an asthmatic.

Yes, I know, I should go to the Doctor. Stop pushing.

However, I do not have a Primary Care Physician. All of my Doctors are specialists. No need to have a PCP. Except in times likes these.

So it's an urgent care of the ER for me. Neither of which I want to deal with.

Save The Drama

2009-07-07T11:38:00.004-04:00

For someone other than me.

For a small town, this one sure has a lot of stupid ass women. Damn it ladies. You all are killing me. Stop being such pathetic excuses and woman up. For the love of woman kind. You make it really hard for me to defend women. Oh and you men, don't think that just because I am bashing on my kind today that you won't get yours. Trust me. Don't even get me started.

1) I don't care what he did or didn't do. It is NEVER, E.V.E.R. okay to post naked pictures of your ex sleeping, on the internet. Stupid woman.

2) If you text me five times and say five different versions of "don't tell him, I don't want him to think I'm obsessed", guess what...YOU ARE OBSESSED.

3) If you tell him that you think he will be disrespecting you if he tries go into a bar that you are in, then don't do it to him and then say "he's the one that says we need to co-exist." Dumb ass.

4) I DO NOT want to hear about how you don't want people to think you are a whore. Especially when you slept with FOUR different men last week and you picked them all up in the same damn bar. TRAMP.

5) And you, you triffling skank whore. Not only did you sleep with my friends husband, I DON'T CARE IF IT WAS SEVEN YEARS AGO, but you claim to have an "open" marriage, yet you are the only one effing anyone else. And don't you EVER in your sorry skanktastic life refer to me as a nobody that means nothing or I will snatch your face off. Got that stupid cunt?

Get away from me. All of you.

Bless your hearts and have a nice day.

Well Then

2009-07-01T13:42:00.003-04:00

I am usually not a person to jump on a band wagon when it comes to music and reality shows. However, since I am bored out of my skull at work, I decided to zip around the internet. When I came across the clip from last night of Kevin Skinner on "America's Got Talent", I pulled out my trusty iPhone headphones, plugged them into the computer and waited for it to download. Why the hell not, I had nothing better to do.

Let me just tell you a little something (my Southern girl speak is coming out), I love to hear a good singer. I love to hear someone who has honesty and emotion in their voice. Even if they miss a note or two, the talent is raw. I actually had little water dots in my eyes.

I'm not really sure (nor do I care to learn) how to put a video on here so you will have to just follow the link and watch it yourself.

Chicken.

And that's my contribution for the year to the world of reality shows and music.

63

2009-06-30T11:52:00.003-04:00

Dear Daddy,

Today, you would have been 63. It's hard to believe you have been gone for over 20 years.

I wish you would have been there on:

May 29th of 1992 to see me walk across the stage and receive my diploma.
On September 10th 1997 to watch me graduate from boot camp and become a Marine.
On May 26th 2007 to watch me (finally) graduate from college.
On November 29th 2008 to walk me down the aisle as I married my husband.

Most of all, I just wish you could be here.

Happy Birthday Daddy!