Thanks For Calling

Thanks For Calling

You said you thought of me the other day.
It was nice to know
I had somehow found my way into your thoughts.
Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you;
Never a sun has set that I haven’t longed for you.

You miss me, you said.
I have learned to live with missing you.
It’s not so hard.
All I have to do is live:
Close my mind,
Breathe,
And walk and talk,
But, never feel . . .

In other words, I miss you, too.

I make it through with the hope
That only time stands between us,
And each day will bring you closer.
But, I grow impatient.
Why can’t it be tomorrow?

What is this strange enchantment that is cast upon our fate?
Never really together,
Yet, we’ve never really said goodbye.
I just loiter in your memory,
And you linger in my heart,
While each passing day reminds me
That our lives are miles apart.

Don’t you see?
You are my hopes, my thoughts, my dreams.
But, it was nice to hear you say
You thought of me the other day.

. . . NancySue Krenrich Hamm

Bye Bye 2011

I will not be sad to see 2011 go away. This year has sucked monumentally.

I ended last year heartbroken and it looks like I will do the same this year. From car accidents, to speeding tickets, to inuries, to financial disasters, to the loss of my Grandmother and Kate, it's almost more than one girl can take. I don't want to end this year sad. I want to be happy at Christmas and happy at the New Year. Aside from my aching heart, I will do my best to make it happy.

For all of my complaining though, let me just say that there were good things that happened in 2011.

I met an amazing person.
I traveled out of the US for the first time.
I spent Easter Sunday at the site where Jesus was baptized.
I started my Masters Degree.
I bought a new car.
I lost 28 pounds.
I got promoted at work.
I got divorced.

And a few others things that are escaping my thoughts right now.

I guess I will just take the good with the bad and say goodbye to 2011 and get ready for 2012 and what it has in store for me.

Sign On The Door

I'm a big Edwin McCain fan. There is one of his songs that always seems to get to me and right now, more than ever.

"Sign On The Door"

Wendy's sittin' next to me
She's trying hard to drink it away
And I feel the rumble of the subway
Beneath the stage
And her eyes are screaming
And her lips are pursed
And this ain't her first heartache
But it feels like, it feels like the worst
And she says
Can someone tell me how this can happen
And I guess that God only knows
My heart used to be
The sweet shop of love
But now the sign on the door
It says sorry we're closed
And I hear myself tell her
Some old words I know they won't help
And then I feel guilty
'Cause I closed some sweet shops myself
And we all talk about timing
And lifestyles and such
But to a heart that's been shattered
Those words don't mean that much
And all of our pining
It just goes to show
Don't you enter a shop
With the sign on the door
Saying sorry we're closed
And she's been through all the pain
That one can endure
And her new man thinks she loves him
But he can't be sure
And his heart pines for Wendy
She says that's how it goes
How am I supposed to know
He can't read the sign saying
Sorry we're closed
Yeah we're closed
And she says
Can someone tell me how this can happen
And I guess that God only knows
My heart used to be
The sweet shop of love
But there's a sign on the door
There's a sign on the door [3x]
One more sign...

Yippee

Wait what? Yippee is NOT how I am feeling. But hey, you know those people that say their daily mantras? You know, the ones that leave little post its all over that say "you can do this", "today is your day" well the Yippee is my mantra.

Just say it. It's hard not to picture yourself or someone else jumping up and clicking their feet together with their hands stretched out on the air screaming "Yippee" at the top of their lungs like they just got some great news.

So for today, I say YIPPEE. Tomorrow I am going to have to come up with something else clever.

At a loss

At a loss for words.
Dismissed without a thought.
Erased.

Sometimes there just aren't words to explain a hurt.
Thoughts stumble around in my mind.
Unable to form a sentence.
What do you say when someone says goodbye but you never hear the word?

Love Your Fear