This Week On Facebook

So it seems that I am quite the funny person per all of my friends on Facebook. Often times I am profound as well. Maybe my writing has not really gone away, it is just quick and brilliant (a little arrogant huh?)

Anywhoway. I figured that I would list my status updates for this week. Ready? Set? GO! False start. 5 yard penalty. Repeat second down.

Today (Thursday):

The grass is greener on the other side because it is fertilized with bullshit.

Yesterday (Wednesday):

I may not be the most beautiful, or the sexiest, nor do I have the perfect body. I might not be everyone's first choice, but I'm a great choice! I don't pretend to be someone I'm not, because I'm good at being me! I might not be proud of some of the things I've done in the past, but I'm proud of who I am today! Take me... as I am, or watch me walk away!

Your freedom is visible at Arlington National Cemetary.

I would rather be too school for cool, than too cool for school.

Tuesday:

Stupid screen door is open and the wind is blowing it back and forth making creepy sounds. Guess that means I have to get up with the shotgun and go close it.

My hamster wheel is slow. I just can't seem to bring myself to run around it all excited right now.

Dear SNOTTY lady sitting beside me on the bus. If you are going to buy your clothes at Goodwill, wash them before you wear them. I can recognize that smell anywhere. I buy my clothes there too. Oh and with that attitude, I think you need to be reading something a little stronger than Billy Graham on your iPhone.

A lot of crazy stuff is going to happen when pigs learn to fly. Just think about it.

When it comes to driving, anybody going slower than me is an idiot, and anyone going faster than me is a maniac.

I'm not lying down. I'm in landscape mode.

Pennies are like seconds, you fail to realize how precious they are, until you are down to your last few.

˙ǝןƃuɐ ʇuǝɹǝɟɟıp ɐ ɯoɹɟ pןɹoʍ ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooן ɐ ƃuıʞɐʇ

Always look on the bright side. For example, don't think of yourself as an ugly person, think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

Monday:

Hey LCpl. Thanks for the lecture about my expired base sticker. But um yeah. I will tell "my Marine" as you called him, "to get right on that." Did you notice it expired TWO months ago? Yep, "my Marine" is all over it. Especially since he doesn't even have decals on his truck.

A U.S. military member is somewhere in the world tonight missing their family while you are safe at home. In the minute it takes you to read this, military members all over the world are not only saving lives, but they are also sacrificing their own life for your freedom.

Today, may you be as happy, as a person in an infomercial.

Go go Gadget car.