Dear July. I hate you.

I mean really?

My husband and I drove to Jacksonville, Illinois on Sunday morning, to make it in time for a funeral on Monday morning.

One of my husband's closest friends was killed in action in Afghanistan on July 17th. Matt served with E for 4 years in the Corps, where they were roommates and deployed to Fallujah twice. Matt deployed a third time to Ramadi and E moved to another unit.

Matt's desire to do Special Ops lead him to get out and join the Army. Airborne. Rangers.

This was Matt's 5th deployment if you combine them all. He was due to come home on the 29th of this month.

What a heartbreaking experience this has been.

Can this month please get over?

RIP Matthew Weikert

TAPS

Staff Sergeant Justus Bartelt.

KIA. Afghanistan. July 2010.

Semper Fidelis.

You were truly one of a kind.

Hey Mom, Remember That Time

When you ran me over with our car? I know you do. Not really all that hard to forget. I know, I know, I shouldn't bring it up, especially since it was about 31 years ago, but hey, I want to tell a story and in order to do so, well...I have to tell this one.

Picture this if you will. I'm talking to you, yeah you, the readers. Pay attention. Anyway, back to the picture. It was circa December 1978, I was 4. My husband had not even been born yet. *NOT FUNNY* Moving on. We lived in a trailer park (what...bitches?) My mother drove a 1973 Plymouth Fury III. It was huge (that's what HE said).

So, one Monday morning, I came skipping out of the house ready to go to pre-school. I was a nerdy little tomboy kid who LOVED school. The night before, we had received some Christmas gifts from the church. My Mother had taken them from the passenger side of the car when we got home. Like all little kids who can't open a door that big, I climbed into my Moms side of the car (yes, kids sat up front back in those days).

As we started to back out of our circular driveway, the passenger car door flew open. What did little ole nerdy tomboy me do? I reached out to grab it to close it. What happened to me? I fell out of the car. What happened after that? Can you guess? You should be able to, I mentioned it in the first sentence of this posting. I'll wait while you go back and check. Hmmmm...hhmmmm....hmmmmm...

Back? Okay. So yeah, the right front tire ran across my chest. Yes sir/ma'm, that huge care ran over me. With my Mother behind the wheel. I was FOUR. Being the hard kid that I was, I picked myself up off the ground and walked over to my Mothers side of the car and stood there looking at her. Moments later, I collapsed. YA THINK?

My Mother is not one to panic. She didn't in this case either. She was a little freaked out as I had blood coming from my nose and my mouth and I wanted to go to sleep. However, she made me stay awake as she flew to the hospital. I remember that. She parked in the parking area of the emergency room, put me in her arms and walked into the ER and said "I ran her over with me car."

HOLY Doctors and Nurses. They came out of the woodworks like roaches when the lights get turned on. The next thing I remember, I said to my Mother "Call JD and Judy (the Pastor and his wife) and have them come pray for me."

I spent three days in the hospital. Yep, a whole three days. They deemed me the miracle child. I had a bald spot on the back of my head, a giant scrape down my right arm, a COOL tiremark embedded in my chest and a little scar from where they had to put the chest tube when lung collapsed from the puncture in it. That's another story in itself. My MOM made a nurse cry and threatened a Doctor within an inch of his life.

As for me, (because this is all about me), I was angry that they put me in a baby crib in the ICU. I was NOT a baby. I HATED my chest tube with a passion. And the old man that died while I was in there still haunts me. I remember them trying to save him.

I do still however, have the Santa from my crib, the book I was given from the present tree and the gift of life.

NO...this is NOT why I am so flat chested.

Look at that, even at four I was a clumsy hot mess.

It Doesn't Hurt So Good

Holy Pain. Or unholy pain. Whatever.

I have a very HIGH tolerance for pain. Normally, the Doctor looks at me and says "WHY didn't you come in sooner? Are you crazy?" Nope. Just didn't think it hurt that bad.

It seems that I have either broken/cracked/bruised a rib or torn a muscle. To say it hurts is a serious understatement. It was just a little uncomfortable yesterday. I would say about a 5 on the pain scale. Today, I woke up at a 12 and have remained at a constant 10 all day.

Breathing = Hurts
Driving = Hurts
Moving at all = Hurts

I mean brings me to tears hurts.

The breathing thing, not such a good idea to have problems breathing when you are an asthmatic.

Yes, I know, I should go to the Doctor. Stop pushing.

However, I do not have a Primary Care Physician. All of my Doctors are specialists. No need to have a PCP. Except in times likes these.

So it's an urgent care of the ER for me. Neither of which I want to deal with.

Save The Drama

For someone other than me.

For a small town, this one sure has a lot of stupid ass women. Damn it ladies. You all are killing me. Stop being such pathetic excuses and woman up. For the love of woman kind. You make it really hard for me to defend women. Oh and you men, don't think that just because I am bashing on my kind today that you won't get yours. Trust me. Don't even get me started.

1) I don't care what he did or didn't do. It is NEVER, E.V.E.R. okay to post naked pictures of your ex sleeping, on the internet. Stupid woman.

2) If you text me five times and say five different versions of "don't tell him, I don't want him to think I'm obsessed", guess what...YOU ARE OBSESSED.

3) If you tell him that you think he will be disrespecting you if he tries go into a bar that you are in, then don't do it to him and then say "he's the one that says we need to co-exist." Dumb ass.

4) I DO NOT want to hear about how you don't want people to think you are a whore. Especially when you slept with FOUR different men last week and you picked them all up in the same damn bar. TRAMP.

5) And you, you triffling skank whore. Not only did you sleep with my friends husband, I DON'T CARE IF IT WAS SEVEN YEARS AGO, but you claim to have an "open" marriage, yet you are the only one effing anyone else. And don't you EVER in your sorry skanktastic life refer to me as a nobody that means nothing or I will snatch your face off. Got that stupid cunt?

Get away from me. All of you.

Bless your hearts and have a nice day.

63

Dear Daddy,

Today, you would have been 63. It's hard to believe you have been gone for over 20 years.

I wish you would have been there on:

May 29th of 1992 to see me walk across the stage and receive my diploma.
On September 10th 1997 to watch me graduate from boot camp and become a Marine.
On May 26th 2007 to watch me (finally) graduate from college.
On November 29th 2008 to walk me down the aisle as I married my husband.

Most of all, I just wish you could be here.

Happy Birthday Daddy!

Farewell Friday

I know that everyone is talking about Michael Jackson and his death. Who am I to not do so as well? Especially since my heart is broken.

In my defense, I am a lifelong fan of the King of Pop. I was the President of the Michael Jackson fan club for a year. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY FANS MJ has (had)? A shit ton, let me tell you.

I had the privelege of seeing him in concert. Once as the black MJ. WOW out loud. That man could move.

I used to want to live at Neverland. I mean come on, what kid didn't? NO KID JOKES EITHER. I don't want to hear them.

Regardless of how people may feel about him today, they cannot take away his talent. He was an extraordinary entertainer. His music spans decades, continents and can bring together a room full of strangers with a little Billie Jean or PYT.

His music will never leave us. His legend will go on for eternity. The man may not be as missed now as he might have once been but the music world is a better place for having had him in it. Thanks to him, we have so many other amazing entertainers and music to listen to.

May he finally rest in peace and be rid of his life long demons. Thank whoever for giving us MJ for the time we had him.

The way I remember him:

Thought Provoking Tuesdays

"You cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the wealthy out of freedom. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friend, is about the end of any nation.. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it."

~~~~~ Dr. Adrian Rogers, 1931 - 2005 ~~~~~

Don't Lean On Me

***Disclaimer: The names of people and schools have been changed.***

So my Mom will lose her job next year and so will everyone that she works with.

Let me tell you something, the school she teaches at is BAD BAD BAD. The kids are BAD. Picture Lean on Me but ten (10) times worse and in middle school. Those kids are horrendous. The parents are worse and the community is worse than the two combined. TRUST ME. I grew up there. I know.

Anyway. This school has been bad for a long time. It has been progressing, slowly but surely. They BARELY failed the testing last year but not for the lack of killing themselves just to get that far. My Mom has only been there for three (3) years. And she is an ESE teacher. Each year getting a little closer to finally passing that test.

The Superintendent of Schools thinks he is Joe Clark. Joe clark HE IS NOT. So I will refer to him as Mr. Wanna Be Joe Clark. WBJC if you will.

For a school that must have TWO armed police officers on staff and six (6) others on call, with locked gates and various other things. Not to mention, it has more fights and threats than any other middle school, let him get a new staff. Trust me. It's not the staff. My Mom has been punched, knocked down, slammed against walls, spit on, bit and called every name in the book. Her purse has been stolen, her cell phone has been stolen more times than I care to think about and various other random crap. Not just by ESE kids either.

Those that know about ESE kids, they need consistency. Change will freak them out.

Here's are some excerpts from the newspaper article that my Mom sent me.

A Giant EFF YOU, TO Mr. Wanna Be Joe Clark (WBJC).

A new day has dawned for WMS
MAY 3, 2009

On Wednesday, WBJC announced wholesale staff changes for the middle school next year.

And the man means wholesale.

WBJC already has advertised for a new principal and announced the school will have new administrators, new teachers, new counselors and new coaches. Nearly all of the 80 staff positions will be filled with new people next school year. ***WTFever***

The action is a result of the 850-student school being one of 11 in Florida that failed to meet state and federal standards for student learning. As a result, the new school administration will report directly to WBJC.

As for the fate of WM, WBJC has proclaimed that it will become a "district turnaround school.'' ***Translated as: Alternative School. Now we can have bad kids and NOT be considered a 'real' school.***

It is good that WBJC sees opportunity where others might see despair. We believe WM can become a school that redefines how our children, those who might not come from the best economic backgrounds, are educated.

While we realize there are many (too many, some might say) rules and regulations from **our states capital** on how students are taught, we hope and trust that WM will become a center for innovative teaching. How can WM parents become more involved in their school? What can the community do to increase reading scores? How do we establish and sustain high standards and high expectations in children who might not be familiar with such a culture? How do we lure the best teachers to WM?

****Basically they are saying, hey lazy crackheads, put down the pipe and get involved with your children. Hey community of ignorants (yes, I know that's not a word), get involved with the kids. Hey bad ass kids from crackhouses and the ghetto, yes, you are stupid, but hey, we are going to change everything down to your level so it's okay to be that way, we will make it to where you can pass. something. And how can we LURE. They used the word LURE and said "how can we?" WMS is in the GHETTO. It is filled with gangs, drugs, violence and a shit load of kids and parents that don't give a iF YOU SEEK (C&K). Best of luck. *********I AM NOT CALLING PEOPLE STUPID. NOR AM I SAYING THAT PEOPLE FROM THE GHETTO CAN'T RISE ABOVE.**********

---Back to the article---

It certainly would be easy to sit back, point fingers and assign blame for how WM became such a problem school, at least in the eyes of the state. We have heard the same accusations as you: teachers who didn't want to teach, students that didn't want to learn and a community that didn't want to care. Unquestionably, it is a tragedy that WM has reached this point.

But we remain optimistic because WBJC is optimistic. ****Oh yeah, because he is WBJC after all. Didn't you see Lean on Me? It worked there didn't it? Maybe they will learn a class song and everything.****

"This is an opportunity,'' WBJC said, "where we can step up and do something pretty bold and significant for our students.'' We can't wait to see what's in store.

****Yeah me either.****

What Effing Time Is It?

Okay, so I am sick of the different time zone thing. When I lived in Hawaii, I would have to remember how far ahead New York was so I could call my friends at a decent hour (unless it was New Years and then I KNEW when it was midnight they were already in sweet passed out slumber). Then I had to remember how far ahead Florida was to call my Mom. And don't even get me started on the difference in time between Hawaii and Okinawa and Australia. Oh yeah and Hawaii doesn't have daylight savings time. For the love of baby Jesus.

THEN I moved back to Virginia. My Mom is in Florida and one hour behind me because she is in the Panhandle. That goes for my in laws as well. My boss is in South Dakota so he is an hour behind me. Then Corporate is in Alaska. They are 4 hours behind us right now.

So, when I get an e-mail from someone in Corporate who I am trying to make a last minute project setup meeting request with, I am planning on Alaska time. How in the hell is she going to e-mail me and tell me that she is in Texas and needs it on CST? Damn it woman.

The meeting is 2pm my time EST. You and the rest of the people can figure out what time that is to you and be there. Got it?

Out of Control

My niece is not just a bad kid, she is out of control.

My Mom would love to put her in a reform type program but have any of you ever checked into those kinds of places?

Anywhere from $2,500+ A MONTH. In whose world do most of the families that have the bad ass kids like my niece have that kind of money?

The state is so "afraid" of putting her in the system (sending her to juvenile) that they make empty threats and she knows it.

Yesterday, by direction of child services and the local law enforcement, my brother reported her as a runaway because she has been gone since THURSDAY NIGHT. SHE IS 14. YES 14.

She doesn't go to school, when she does, she fights and gets suspended. She thinks that she is a grown up. She smokes, drinks, does drugs and I'm 99% sure is having sex.

Let me add that she is a pathological liar and according to the State Shrink is bi-polar and has ADHD.

My brother is a worthless piece of crap and their Mother is just as bad as him. My Mom tried to do what she could when the opportunity came for her to step in, but by that time, the damage was done. She has done everything she knows to do and has gotten NO WHERE.

My niece hangs out in the projects. The neighborhood is so bad, that the cops told my Mother that even if she did call for a ride home to NOT go into the neighborhood to get her, allow the police department to do so. She has already been given TWO trespassing tickets for being in another projects and is NOT allowed to be there.

When I talk to her, she is all Yes Ma'm, No Ma'm, I'm sorry, I promise I will be good, I promise I will be better etc etc. My Mom told me to not believe a word that comes out of her mouth.

I want to believe that she is fixable. That she needs stability and to see a life outside of drugs, crime and the crap that not only did I grow up in but she is now growing up in.

I'm almost 1,000 miles away. I want to drive down there and snatch her up and lock her in a room but I know that is not the answer. I'm sad and heartbroken that my only niece is becoming the kind of kid that I see on TV that makes me shudder and think "what happened to her." Or worse, one day I am going to get the phone call to identify the body.

Whoosh, Whoosh, Whoosh

For the love of God and everything Holy, please, make the whooshing sound in my right ear go away.

It has been ONE WHOLE WEEK since it started. I went to the ENT today and he told me that there isn't any fluid build up or infection. YIPPEEE...but that he wants me to have an audiogram before he proceeds with any treatments.

My appointment isn't until next THURSDAY. I may gouge my ear out by then.

Get this. Being overtired makes it worse.

UMMMM...hello. Have you ever tried to fall asleep while hearing nothing but your heartbeat in your ear. Not the bump bump kind either. The WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH kind.

Kill me now.

Overwhelmed

I am a pretty organized person and a workaholic, but lately I feel like I am sinking and fast.

Granted, I work two jobs. One of which I am going to have to go ahead and bite the bullet and say "I just can't do this anymore." The not getting home until 1am on Monday nights is killing me. Playing pool on Tuesdays and not getting home until 12am is just adding gas to the fire.

This week I am working Monday, Wednesday and Friday night. The money is nice but my sanity is suffering.

My house looks like 5 teenagers live there. And I am a clean freak. Often times I will get home at 1am and clean for an hour because I cannot go to bed and think about waking up to the mess.

I have three titles at work (my real job as I so kindly refer to it as) and somedays I spend ALL DAY doing one portion of it and the other stuff suffers. On nights I am not working or spending my one night a week playing pool, you can find me in front of my laptop doing work or answering e-mails on my crackberry.

I need a maid, a dog walker and a cook.

And people wonder why I drink.

Hell I Tell You

***Religious Post to Follow***

According to the
religious tract like this one, I am going to hell. Unless I repent NOW and never sin again.

Some guy gave me one of those tracts last night. Ummm...I was working my one day a week at "the bar" and he handed it to me. I thought it was a joke because it's a million dollar bill. It wasn't until after he left, that I looked at it.

I read around the back of the bill, turning and turning so that I could keep up with all of the crap it way saying.

Basically, it said "...if you have ever told a lie, lusted after a woman/man or have used the Lords name in vain, God see's you as a blasphemous, lying, thieiving adulterer at heart and you are going straight to hell."

So, like any good little girl that was raised in church all of her life by a Mother who has her own ministers license, I laughed out loud and exclaimed, "I am going straight to hell."

Seriously. Do people really think that threatening people into religion is the way to go? Made me want to sit the man down and have a nice chat with him about how he just ate dinner in a place that can be seen as a Den of Inquity, or that the huge steak with baked potato and sour cream with salad and an appetizer and three glasses of sweet tea can be viewed as

Gluttonous to some. But I'm sure that he forgot that those are things that are seen as sins as well.

Oh I could go on and on. I'm sure that I would seriously hurt his feelings if he started trying to spew scripture, as most people that come from a church like this: Living Waters mostly only know scriptures about how I am going to hell and God hates sinner and unbelievers.

I like to start off a religious discussion with....well, who am I kidding? I am not one for the discussion of religion, as my Husband and I are pretty well studied and grew up pretty indoctrinated. Often times it only takes us a few minutes to shoot down a freaks arguments and confuse them into a mumbling fool.

So because I believe in forgiveness, here are a few scriptures that you might want to start off with. Or place on your tract for next time, because the God that I know and love is all seeing, all knowing and all forgiving.

Psalm 51:2
"Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity and guilt and cleanse me and make me wholly pure from my sin!"

1 John 1:9
"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."

Matthew 6:14
"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you."

Ephesians 1:7
"In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace"

Colossians 1:13-14
"For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins."

Anyway...try preaching or teaching love and understanding rather than basically yelling in someone's face, YOU ARE GOING TO HELL.

I am in a handbasket though.

I'm Just Sayin

As the saying goes: "there are those that do and then there are those that lie about it."

I'm just sayin, I'm not a liar.

In The Words Of

Gretchen Wilson

I don't feel like loving you today,
So don't you even try to change my mind,
The best thing you can do right now,
Is just go away,
Cause I don't feel like loving you today,

I don't wanna talk about last night,
I'm angry and I haven't had much sleep,
And I'm so tired and bloodshot,
they ain't no tellin' what I'd say,
I don't feel like loving you today,

But you know I will anyway,
Even though we make it hard sometimes.
I'll wind up forgiving you and probably loving you,
For the rest of my life,
But I don't feel like loving you today,
And I've got 16 hours left to go.
I might tell you that I'm leaving
Even though you know I'll stay,
Cause I don't feel like loving you today.

But you know I will anyway,
Even though we make it hard sometimes.
I'll wind up forgiving you and probably loving you,
For the rest of my life.
But I don't feel like loving you today.

I just don't feel like loving you today.

New Year Black Cloud

Seriously?

There is a black cloud floating above my friends. It's been a horrible last few weeks.

N and T had their baby 3 months premature. He is only 1.5 lbs and 12.5 inches long. Still in the NICU (day 8) and still in critical condition.

Paj was just diagnosed with breast cancer. She is going in for a mastectomy on Monday.

Zips daughter was in a bad accident and had to be life flighted to the trauma center with head injuries.

C had her twin babies 3 month premature and they are fighting for their lives.

J and her husband have just been told that their baby (who is still in the womb) will be born with severe mental retardation.

We all feel like we are sitting around going "who's next?"

Please for the love of everything holy give me some good news.

Well Damn

I had lunch today with an old co-worker and an old friend.

The old friend used to live here with his wife and two kids. They moved to Louisiana, got divorced and then he moved back.

Anyway...I said "how are the kids." They have a daughter and a son. Kerry (their son was just a little punk teenager when he lived here but he was a funny kid and a good kid). Their daughter Erica now lives here with her Dad.

After I asked the question, I instantly regretted it after I saw the look in his eyes and then heard This: "you didn't hear about my son?"

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH...I was so hoping that he was going to say that he got a great job and got married or invented the cure for cancer or something.

NOPE...instead he followed with the story of Kerry that is described in the article below:

St. Tammany Sheriff's Office releases name of deputy killed in weekend accident
February 25, 2008 4:09PM

The St. Tammany Sheriff's Office on Monday released the name of a deputy killed in a Sunday morning motorcycle accident. Deputy Kerry Snaples, 22, of Ponchatoula, died at about 4:20 a.m. Sunday when his motorcycle struck a pickup that was stopped in the westbound lane of U.S. 190 near Covington High School.

Covington Police, who are investigating the case, booked the driver of the pickup, James E. Delancey Jr., 37, of Gulfport, Miss., with vehicular homicide, DWI and driving with a suspended license.

Delancey's blood alcohol level was "several times" the legal limit and he admitted to taking prescription opiates before driving, Covington Police spokesman Lt. Jack West said Sunday.
Snaples had worked as a corrections officer in the St. Tammany Parish Jail in Covington since March 2006, according to the Sheriff's Office.

_____________________________________________________

According to my friend, the "several times" equates to a .346. And to follow up, the guy has been indicted for Vehicular Homicide and they are awaiting a trial.

Damn it.

Black Ribbon

DoD Identifies Marine Casualty

The Department of Defense announced today the death of a Marine who was supporting Operation Enduring Freedom.

Sgt. Jerome C. Bell Jr., 29, of Auburn, N.Y., died Sept. 19 while supporting combat operations in Farah province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 2nd Battalion, 7th Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Twentynine Palms, Calif.

Today, I am wearing a black ribbon over my heart.

Late last week, my friend Melissa, lost her dear husband Jerry in Afghanistan.

My heart breaks for her and their three children.

I cannot even fathom.

I cannot even put into words and explain to you the devestation of his loss.

TAPS

Day is done,
Gone the sun,
From the hills,
From the lake,
From the sky,
All is well,
Safely rest,
God is nigh.

Rest In Peace Marine.

Shattered

With every tear that falls.
With every breath I take
My heart beats slower.
Crushing the life out of me

Who are you?
How could I have been so wrong?

Your apologies are meaningless to me.
In a matter of moments
You became everything I despise.

There are no excuses.
None.

****To borrow a few words from Gretchen Wilson****

I don't feel like loving you today
So don't you even try to change my mind
The best thing you can do right now is just go away
Cause I don't feel like loving you today
I don't want to talk about last night
I'm angry and haven't had much sleep
And I'm so tired and bloodshot, there ain't no telling what I'd say
Cause I don't feel like loving you today...