The Week In Pictures (TWIP)

TWIP. That's the new thing. Or my new thing. Whatever. I do what I want. You're not the boss of me.




You get what you see. And I say what I feel.

Sleepy.

Purely.
Utterly.
Exhausted.

By 9pm I am hardly able to speak or hold my eyes open.

Something has to give.

Aching

Touch me.
My skin lays waiting.
Caress me.
My heart needs to know
a touch.

Emotions are empty.
They lack depth.
Silence is befitting.


My inner dreamer
wanst to know a
love
with
butterflies.

I'm aching.

Letter to Myself

Where did you go?
It seems like it's been forever.
I haven't seen you around.
That wild girl I used to know
has disappeared.

I know that life changes,
we grow up.
But growing up
doesn't have to mean giving up.

I know she's in there.
Dying to bust out and dance.
Dreaming of the day you let her out
to show off again.

Let yourself shine.
Stop blowing out your candle.
Be yourself.

Let her go.
Stop holding her back.

What The EFF Friday?

I need a drink. That is all really. I need something to make this day better.

As it stands right now, I want to face stomp or throat punch someone.

And rumor has it, traffic is a holy nightmare. I mean, after it taking me 3.5 hours to get home from work last night, the last thing I need to do is do it all over again today.

What the EFF Friday?

Hello August

Let's hope that you don't act up like your friend July. I've had about enough.

I am exhausted. We drove over 900 miles to Illinois last Sunday, then we drove almost another 900 to Florida on Tuesday. Then we drove from Florida to Virginia this morning (another almost 900 miles). I made it just in time to hope on my charter bus to go to work.

A wedding and a funeral in the same week. *Sigh*. We were able to meet some amazing new friends and spend time with old friends and family. All in all, it was a great time.

Now I am -40 hours of vacation time though. Ack. Guess I won't be going anywhere anytime soon.

Here's to August.

Dear July. I hate you.

I mean really?

My husband and I drove to Jacksonville, Illinois on Sunday morning, to make it in time for a funeral on Monday morning.

One of my husband's closest friends was killed in action in Afghanistan on July 17th. Matt served with E for 4 years in the Corps, where they were roommates and deployed to Fallujah twice. Matt deployed a third time to Ramadi and E moved to another unit.

Matt's desire to do Special Ops lead him to get out and join the Army. Airborne. Rangers.

This was Matt's 5th deployment if you combine them all. He was due to come home on the 29th of this month.

What a heartbreaking experience this has been.

Can this month please get over?

RIP Matthew Weikert

When It's Finally Real

Over the years you hear about someone being KIA. Then you just want to believe it's not true. I've dealt with more than my fair share of losses thanks to Iraq and Afghanistan.

But when you see the DoD Release, then you know that's when it's finally real.

DOD Identifies Marine Casualty

The Department of Defense announced today the death of a Marine who was supporting Operation Enduring Freedom.

Staff Sgt. Justus S. Bartelt, 27, of Polo, Ill., died July 16 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 2nd Battalion, 6th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

Rest in Peace:

1stLt Frederick Pokorney KIA 23 Mar 2003
Sgt Edgar Lopez KIA 28 Aug 2004
Captain John Maloney KIA 16 June 2005
SSgt Jason Ramseyer KIA 20 Apr 2006
LCpl Eric Herzberg KIA 26 Oct 2006
Sgt Jerome "Jerry" Bell KIA 19 Sept 2008
SSgt Justus Bartelt KIA 16 July 2010

Rest in Peace Marines. I will see you at the gates of heaven.

TAPS

Staff Sergeant Justus Bartelt.

KIA. Afghanistan. July 2010.

Semper Fidelis.

You were truly one of a kind.

A Ten. I give it a Ten.

My ability to fall down stairs is astounding.

Monday morning, I fell down the last four stairs of the eight stairs in front of my house.

Seems I have torn some ligaments, tendons and muscles. No breaks. I mean that would be easy.

Here are a few pictures of my injuries:

In the ER:

In the ER:

Day Two:

I also scraped up my left knee and my left foot. My right arm escaped injury free until they gave me a tetanus shot in it.

Can I get a round of applause please?

I'm Not Touching You. I'm Not Touching You.

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel "pick up your shovel, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land".

Nearly 75 years ago, Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land".
Now Obama has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of Camels, and mortgaged the Promised Land!

I was so depressed last night thinking about health care plans, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, savings, social security, retirement funds, etc. So, I called Lifeline, the suicide help line. Got a freakin' call center in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they all got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Style and Grace

How does one fall down a set of brick stairs and scrape their leg, hand and knee but doesn't tear their stockings?

Not so gracefully, that's how.

Excuse Me, Miss

So I'm walking all fast like out of a building. The Main building for the De-part-ment that I work for, when I hear, "excuse me, Miss?" I stopped and turned to see this security guard. He smirked. I did the squinty eye thing of "wait....I know you from somewhere thought." YEP. Sure as shit (never really understood that phrase), there stood RH.

RH is a guy that was standing outside of a local bar (down where I live), one night quite late. My girlfriends and I had been drinking a bit and somehow I was standing there talking to RH. And discovered that he worked as a Security Guard where I work. REALLY? Seriously? Small world huh? Of all the building and places to work he works for the same place? My building is HUGE. I mean HUGE (that's what she said). The chances of him seeing me walk out of his exit (there are a ton of exits) on a day that he works are pretty random. About as random as him being outside of a bar that I am at

Yeah, and so today was the first time I've seen him since that night. Nothing romantical about it, since I am a married women after all. It's just a small little world out there. DC is a big ass city. Where I live is about 40 miles away. There are a lot, I mean AAAAAAA LOOOOOTTTTTTTTT of places to work in between here and there.

I must learn to hide better.

Dear Monday

Monday, Monday. I haven't seen a really bad one of you in a long time. I thought that our life long rivalry had finally come to some sort of truce. Oh how wrong I was. I guess you were just waiting until my guard was down so that you could attack. Or were you waiting until the husband and I had a great Sunday and I woke up all happy and rainbowy and stuff? Either way. YOU SUCK. AGAIN. STILL. EFF You.

You couldn't even wait until the morning light to jack up my Monday. At 12:15am I received a text from an old friend in regards to another old friend. Really? ICU? Critical? Septic Shock? Come on. EFF Hospitals.

Then, my alarm was set for 5:42pm not am. NICE. Only woke up ONE hour late. No biggie. Then of course, the slug line was LONG and I missed the window to find a parking spot in the lot I needed to be in. EFF alarms.

Oh and who picks me up for a ride but my friend CC. I should have just gotten a ride with someone else because the fact that he has to text his girlfriend (who hates me) when I get in the car and when he drops me off, makes me want to hurl in his new Infinity. EFF jealous people.

And then, I realized I forgot my badge. Not only did I forget my badge, but I forgot my Smartrip Card. Damn it outloud. EFF forgetting things.

Last but not least, my HR department has been waiting for me to bring in a copy of something for over a week. Guess what I forgot this morning? You guessed it. The paper. EFF forgetting things. Squared.

Dear Monday. I hate you.

Effword Friday

The silence of my anger is deafening.

I can feel it ripping through my heart like an armor piercing bullet.

Tears puddle into the bottom of my eyes.

Ever so close to spilling over the edge.

I try to collect my thoughts and nothing but confusion seems to come.

It hurts to breath.

I'm suffocating in "I just don't understand".

I'm grasping at something to hold on to.

The more I grab, the more everything slips through my fingers.

Disconnected

Disconnected

My lungs burn with anticipation of feeling.

My nerves pinch as I try to use words to soothe my defeat.

My insecurities play war against my creativity.

Thoughts rush forth but the words will not spring from my tongue.

I am void of any communication that makes me feel alive.

I have learned to smile and hide the pain.

Not The Mama

I hate one uppers. I hate people who think that just because I am not a Mother that they can always try to one up my bad day or my late for work or my so busy statement.

I know, because you are a Mother, you can just trade with me because your life is worse than mine or better than mine depending on the day you want to try to be better or worse than me so that you can get attention or have someone pay attention to you. <----run on sentence.

And my smart ass answer will be "oh I know, maybe I will allow my vagina to produce an excuse for everything." Let me get right on that since I'm not busy enough with working and having a life.

Dum Dums - Suckers - But Not The Lollipops

In recent months, with all of my single girlfriends, I’ve come to notice that men around these parts want to date stupid women. Or women that they can control or “be the tough guy” with. They don’t want to date a woman who is secure and stable and knows who she is and what she wants because they fear that they cannot live up to the expectations. Even though those expectations are set somewhere in their minds and not in the woman’s mind.

Men still fear being equal to a woman. They think that the same as being inferior or less than. And until they get over that, they will forever date women who will feed them and fuck them while they finance it all. What a waste of time and effort.

Back to WTFF?

I just don't understand why people can't do their jobs. I mean seriously, I've seen girls on the corner in Miami working harder to suck a dick for $20.00 than most people work at returning a phone call or an e-mail or "gasp" doing their job.

Hey hooker behind the desk over there at "that place". Stop being a See You Next Tuesday. I mean really. I don't give a damn if you are OLD and set in your ways. Times, they have changed. DO it electronically. That's the way it is done.

Oh and don't tell me to call my SA's to get an answer when it's YOUR SA's that I will be calling. Don't try to play me for a rookie. I know better.

WTF is going on with the workforce today? People are starving and killing themselves. Get your lazy ass out of that chair and go home and starve so that someone can come in and work.

That is it. Bless your hearts and have a nice day.

Dear Hateful Wild Animal From Last Night

Look here Raccoon, I know that we have a dog door and that it's big enough to fit most animals through, but you are not welcome in my basement. Especially at 2:30am. You ate dog food and then terrorized the dogs who terrorized you back and then my husband who tried to make you go away. You are lucky that I talked him out of putting a shotgun hole in the side of the house.

Your days are numbered. Just like those pesky squirrels in the backyard that keep chewing holes in my birdfeeders. My fancy BB gun was ordered before you even made an appearance and you be sorry that you scampered your way into our house.

TOO Much Tuesday

Let me just say that my Labor Day weekend was very Labor intensive.

I took Thursday and Friday off to move/unpack/clean/be miserable. 5 days later and I am done moving. WOOOOO!

I am NOT done cleaning or unpacking and I damn sure am still miserable.

I am exhausted 10 different ways from Sunday. Blah.

Currently, I am typing with one hand as I hold my cell phone and work phone to my ear (both on hold). WTF?

We had a meeting this morning. The F word was used more than 20 times. Voices were raised. Stomachs turned. Hearts skipped beats. It was awful.

I've had too much. I'm stressed to my max capacity.

Dear Verizon. You can kiss my white ass. Your entire company has lost their minds. FYI: I have been on hold/on the line for 30 minutes and counting. The next CS person that answers the phone is going to hate their Tuesday. I've had too much.

After piano practice this evening.

I am going to go home and have too much.

Cherry Vodka and Red Bull, please and thank you.

Monday In Pictures

WTFF

1) Dear Niece. You will never learn. You think it's a joke that you got kicked out of not only public school, but alternative school and then a school for girls. Your little ass if going to a program 5 hours away from home. Bet you won't be so gangster and hard then. WTF are you thinking?

2) Dear Guy in the convertible corvette with his son in the front seat. Yeah, that was me that reported you as an aggressive driver. Bet you will think twice about trying to run someone off the road and then trying to intimidate them by yelling at them and threatening them in STOPPED traffic. WTF were you thinking? Dumb ass.

3) Dear Wells Fargo. Just like last week. You can kiss my ass. WTF is your problem?

4) Dear husband. It would be nice to see you sometime. WTF?

5) Dear body. You and I are about to fight and I guarantee I will win. WTF are you thinking making me look like this?

6) Dear friend. I don't want to get up at 8am tomorrow to get to Hooters by 11am for the pre Kenny Chesney concert party. It's bad enough that the gates for the concert don't open until 6:30 but you want to be out all day? WTF are you thinking?

7) Dear Talon and Tayzon's mother. WTF were you thinking when you named your children?

8) Dear self. Ummmm...your move out date is in 9 days. WTF are you doing? Finish that packing. Please also refer to #4.

Monday In Pictures aka Mute Monday

WTFF

1) Mexican food for lunch = bad idea. WTF was I thinking?

2) Why do I have 50 bottles of unopened wine in my house? WTF? I am a disgrace to alcoholics , ahem, I mean wine lovers everywhere.

3) How in the H E double hockey sticks (hell for those of you that aren't as cool as me) did I accumluate so much shit wonderful things in my apartment? WTF?

4) If I go out with the girls tonight and THE Husband goes fishing and then he has plans to go see a Pre Season football game tomorrow, doesn't that mean I get another girls night out tomorrow? WTF would I even question that for? H E double hockey sticks (plural) Yeah. HELLS YEAH that is.

5) WHY can't Wells Fargo get off of their asses and fix their mess up so I can buy the house from them? WTF is wrong with that place?

6) WTF is up with people traveling so much today? Traffic has been backed up for miles since 8am.

7) WTF? Have you seen my stapler?

8) WTF? Why am I not off work yet and sitting somewhere macking on a tasty beverage?


Bueller?

Bueller?

Bueller?

Happy Bday G-Ma

SHE SO DOES!!!

Not that my Grandma reads this, and not because she is practically blind and wouldn't know how to operate a computer if I did it for her, but hey, shot out to G-ma.

Happy Birthday! 89 years. WOW! What a wonderful life! August 18, 1920. My how the world has changed.

What an inspiration you still are. Growing up on a farm as an only child. You were able to go to college and graduate with a nursing degree (GO SYRACUSE ORANGE). In 1941 you became a mother for the first time (God Rest your soul Aunt Peggy) and a nurse.

You found the courage to leave an alcoholic abusive husband and move with your three children over 1,800 miles away. How things would have changed if you had not done that. Such as, I probably wouldn't be writing this message. So thanks for that.

For 40 years you worked at a nursing home, making it your career and eventually retiring as the Director and one of the most respected women in healthcare in your day.

May the funny old men in the assisted living home not astound you too much with their sex stories and may you know that your family loves you and misses you more than they often show.

Happy Birthday To the Best Grandma in the World.

Your first Granddaughter!!!! (The Best One of Course) --- **there are only two of us***

11 Days

**August 01, 2009 **

DoD Identifies Marine Casualties

The Department of Defense announced today the death of two Marines who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom.

Lance Cpl. Gregory A. Posey, 22, of Knoxville, Tennessee.
Lance Cpl. Jonathan F. Stroud, 20, of Cashion, Okla., died July 30 of wounds suffered while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan.


**August 03, 2009 **

DoD Identifies Army Casualties

The Department of Defense announced today the death five soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.

Staff Sgt. Johnny R. Polk, 39, of Gulfport, Miss., died July 25 at Landstuhl Regional Medical Center, Landstuhl, Germany, of wounds suffered when his vehicle was struck by an anti-tank grenade on July 23 in Kirkuk, Iraq.

Spc. Alexander J. Miller, 21, of Clermont, Fla., died July 31 in Nuristan Province, Afghanistan.

The Department of Defense announced today the death of three soldiers who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom. They died Aug. 1 in Mushan Village, Afghanistan, of wounds sustained when insurgents attacked their patrol with improvised explosive devices and rocket-propelled grenades.
Killed were:

Cpl. Jonathan M. Walls, 27, of West Lawn, Penn.;
Pfc. Richard K. Jones, 21, of Roxboro, N.C.; and
Pvt. Patrick S. Fitzgibbon, 19, of Knoxville, Tenn


**August 04, 2009 **

DoD Identifies Army Casualties

The Department of Defense announced today the death of three soldiers who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom. They died from wounds suffered when insurgents attacked their vehicle with an improvised explosive device Aug. 2 in Qole Gerdsar, Afghanistan.

Killed were:

Capt. Ronald G. Luce Jr., 27, of Fayetteville, N.C.;
Sgt. 1st Class Alejandro Granado, 42, of Fairfax, Va.; and
Sgt. 1st Class Severin W. Summers III, 43, of Bentonia, Miss.


**August 05, 2009 **

DoD Identifies Army Casualty

The Department of Defense announced today the death of a soldier who was supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.

Pvt. Keiffer P. Wilhelm, 19, of Plymouth, Ohio, died August 4 in Maysan province, Iraq.


**August 06, 2009 **

DoD Identifies Navy Casualty

The Department of Defense announced today the death of a sailor who was supporting Operation Enduring Freedom.

Petty Officer 3rd Class Anthony C. Garcia, 21, of Panama City, Fla. died Aug. 5 while supporting combat operations in Farah Province, Afghanistan.


**August 07, 2009 **

DoD Identifies Marine Casualties

The Department of Defense announced today the death of four Marines who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom.

The following Marines died Aug. 6 while supporting combat operations in Farah province, Afghanistan:

Lance Cpl. James D. Argentine, 22, of Farmingdale, N.Y.
Lance Cpl. Travis T. Babine, 20, of San Antonio, Texas.
Cpl. Christian A. Guzman Rivera, 21, of Homestead, Fla.
Sgt. Jay M. Hoskins, 24, of Paris, Texas.


**August 09, 2009 **

DoD Identifies Marine Casualty

The Department of Defense announced today the death of a Marine who was supporting Operation Enduring Freedom.

Capt. Matthew C. Freeman, 29, of Richmond Hill, Ga., died Aug. 7 while supporting combat operations in Kapisa province, Afghanistan.

**August 10, 2009 **

DoD Identifies Army Casualties

The Department of Defense announced today the death of three soldiers who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom.

Staff Sgt. Tara J. Smith, 33, of Nashville, N.C., died Aug. 8 in Bagram, Afghanistan.

Spc. Matthew K.S. Swanson, 20, of Lake Forest, Calif., died Aug. 8 at the National Naval Medical Center in Bethesda, Md., of injuries sustained during a vehicle roll-over July 19 in Logar Province, Afghanistan.

Sgt. Jerry R. Evans Jr., 23, of Eufaula, Ala., died Aug. 7 in Wardak Province, Afghanistan.


**August 10, 2009 **

DoD Identifies Marine Casualty

The Department of Defense announced today the death of three Marine who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom.

Lance Cpl. Dennis J. Burrow, 23, of Naples, Fla., died Aug. 7, 2009 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan.

Lance Cpl. Javier Olvera, 20, of Palmdale, Calif. died Aug. 8, 2009 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan.

Lance Cpl. Patrick W. Schimmel, 21, of Winfield, Mo., died Aug. 9, 2009 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan.

**August 11, 2009 **

DoD Identifies Army Casualty

The Department of Defense announced today the death of a soldier who was supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.

Spc. Richard A. Walters Jr., 41, of Cleveland, Ohio, died Aug. 10 in Ali Al Salem, Kuwait.

Mute Mondays

Where The Hell Have I Been?

Last week, I had to fly to THE A K (as one of the locals called it). That would be Alaska for those of you that don't know your state abbreviations.

The picture above is of a nice tasty morsel that found itself as my meal one night. YUM!

I was gone from Monday-Thurday. In case you didn't know, during the summer in AK (the), there are about 19.5 hours of daylight and about 4.5 hours of darkness. Which is actually only dusk like.

This picture was taken downtown at about 11:30pm. Don't ask where all the people are. It was just as creepy to me.



I returned home on Thursday evening and worked from home on Friday because I was jet effing lagged. Thanks to meeting up with some locals on Wednesday night and partaking in some Alaskan nightlife (read, they tricked me into going to a strip club by just calling it ABC --Alaskan Bush Company--).

On Saturday night, THE Husband and I went to a concert here in VA. Jimmy Wayne, Dierks Bentley and Brad Paisley . To say our seats were great is really an understatement. I was touched (literally) by all three of the men. ONLY ON THE HAND you pervs.

Below are some pics for you enjoyment. All taken with the iPhone that does NOT have zoom, so yes, I was that close.

First up we had Jimmy Wayne:



Next we had Dierks Bentley (one of those hands is mine as someone else too the pic for me):




And last but not least, Brad Paisley:

WTFF

I am so TIRED. SOOOOO TIRED. Need a nap now! I wonder if I crawl under my desk if anyone will see me. Or miss me???

Anywhoway.

1) Why is it that when you have to get up to take your significant other to work that you end up being late and they don't? WTF?

2) Why is it that when you are running late, you always have to stop to get gas? WTF?

3) WHY does it take so long to get the pump started. WTF?
3a) Step one. Pop gas tank.
3b) Step two. Get out of car and open gas door then twist off cap.
3c) Step three. Slip card into slot.
3d) Step four. Pick pay credit outside.
3e) Step five. Choose YES I want a receipt.
3f) Step six. Choose which type of gas I want.
3g) Step seven. Remove nozzle from holder.
3h) Step eight. Place nozzle in gas tank and begin pumping.

SERIOUSLY? WTF?

4) Why does my pulled muscle (not a cracked or broken rib) still hurt? WTF? Go away.

5) Why did my husband think it was okay to spend $87.25 at the bar (tip not included) with me there and I didn't get anything? No drink. No shot. No food. WTF?

6) Why are my Fridays always so damn busy. Come on. I know I am going on travel next week but seriosuly, WTF?

7) WHY do banks take so long to respond to a short sale? WTF already. I agreed to everything they are asking for. Let me buy that damn house. I have things planned around a certain closing date. Damn it. WTF?

8) WHY do I have to fly back from Alaska on Thursday in the middle of rush our DC traffic and have to drive home jet lagged and then have to work on Friday? WTF?

9) Why can't I go home? It's noon. I'm tired. I want a break. WTF?

10) Why can't I think of anything fun to do tonight but sleep? WTF? Sleep is for the weak right?

Hey Mom, Remember That Time

When you ran me over with our car? I know you do. Not really all that hard to forget. I know, I know, I shouldn't bring it up, especially since it was about 31 years ago, but hey, I want to tell a story and in order to do so, well...I have to tell this one.

Picture this if you will. I'm talking to you, yeah you, the readers. Pay attention. Anyway, back to the picture. It was circa December 1978, I was 4. My husband had not even been born yet. *NOT FUNNY* Moving on. We lived in a trailer park (what...bitches?) My mother drove a 1973 Plymouth Fury III. It was huge (that's what HE said).

So, one Monday morning, I came skipping out of the house ready to go to pre-school. I was a nerdy little tomboy kid who LOVED school. The night before, we had received some Christmas gifts from the church. My Mother had taken them from the passenger side of the car when we got home. Like all little kids who can't open a door that big, I climbed into my Moms side of the car (yes, kids sat up front back in those days).

As we started to back out of our circular driveway, the passenger car door flew open. What did little ole nerdy tomboy me do? I reached out to grab it to close it. What happened to me? I fell out of the car. What happened after that? Can you guess? You should be able to, I mentioned it in the first sentence of this posting. I'll wait while you go back and check. Hmmmm...hhmmmm....hmmmmm...

Back? Okay. So yeah, the right front tire ran across my chest. Yes sir/ma'm, that huge care ran over me. With my Mother behind the wheel. I was FOUR. Being the hard kid that I was, I picked myself up off the ground and walked over to my Mothers side of the car and stood there looking at her. Moments later, I collapsed. YA THINK?

My Mother is not one to panic. She didn't in this case either. She was a little freaked out as I had blood coming from my nose and my mouth and I wanted to go to sleep. However, she made me stay awake as she flew to the hospital. I remember that. She parked in the parking area of the emergency room, put me in her arms and walked into the ER and said "I ran her over with me car."

HOLY Doctors and Nurses. They came out of the woodworks like roaches when the lights get turned on. The next thing I remember, I said to my Mother "Call JD and Judy (the Pastor and his wife) and have them come pray for me."

I spent three days in the hospital. Yep, a whole three days. They deemed me the miracle child. I had a bald spot on the back of my head, a giant scrape down my right arm, a COOL tiremark embedded in my chest and a little scar from where they had to put the chest tube when lung collapsed from the puncture in it. That's another story in itself. My MOM made a nurse cry and threatened a Doctor within an inch of his life.

As for me, (because this is all about me), I was angry that they put me in a baby crib in the ICU. I was NOT a baby. I HATED my chest tube with a passion. And the old man that died while I was in there still haunts me. I remember them trying to save him.

I do still however, have the Santa from my crib, the book I was given from the present tree and the gift of life.

NO...this is NOT why I am so flat chested.

Look at that, even at four I was a clumsy hot mess.

WTFF

I'm going to try to start a new thing. WTFF. It stands for WTF Fridays.

Fridays are either horribly busy or so slow that I can barely keep my eyes open with out toothpicks.

Today is one of those toothpick days. So here is my first entry into WTFF.

1) WHO names their child AWESOME? Are you serious? Really? That's your name? WOW. Out loud. WTF?

2) While we are on the topic of names, there is a girl that I know, whose name is Crystal. Her last name is Day. Take a wild guess at what her middle name is? Come on...Crystal _______ Day. If you guessed CLEAR then you are todays winner (of nothing). Crystal Clear Day. REALLY people? WTF?

3) Dear Smart Ones Meals. If you are going to make a dish hot. I mean, my throat and lips are burning from the spices hot, then you should warn a bitch. WTF?

4) Hey dumb ass. My rib is either cracked or I tore my intercosal muscle (still waiting on the xray results). What makes you think I want to go to
Kings Dominion???? Roller costers and rides that slam you around are not condusive to such injuries. WTF?

5) Hey Steve McNair. WTF were you thinking? Guess it doesn't matter anymore. Dumb ass. Did you honestly think that a 20 year old waitress wasn't going to cap your ass when she figured out you really weren't leaving your wife? WTF?

6) I meant what I said the last time I saw you. What happened was 21 years ago. If you choose not to remember then that is your damn fault. I choose to hate you. I also choose to wish nothing but the worst for you. Don't you ever ask someone if they know anything about me or where I am. WTF are you thinking? Stupid bastard.

7) Dear drivers/travelers. In case you haven't noticed, or you can't read, the DC area has the SECOND worst traffic in the nation. WHY on earth would you plan a trip that will put you in rush hour traffic? Granted the traffic here SUCKS all the time but rush hour is much worse. GET ouf of my way. I'm trying to go home. You should have been 100 miles from here by now. WTF?

8) Why is it only 2:30pm? 5:00 can't come fast enough. Why is the President of the Company as well as the Director of Operations on vacation and they can't see it fit to give us a "go home a little early day?" They do it all the time when they are here. WTF?

9) Dear self. When someone in the office says "I can't get it in the hole" while talking about the plug for their computer speakers. It is NOT appropraiate to say "that's what HE said." WTF woman?

10) Dear husband. When you say "we are going to that party tonight" and I have no idea what you are talking about, don't proceed to say "we are leaving at 7:30" when I won't even be home from work until 6:30 thanks to the idiots from #7. WTF are you thinking?

It's Friday. I should be sleeping or drinking or something. Not working. WTF?

It Doesn't Hurt So Good

Holy Pain. Or unholy pain. Whatever.

I have a very HIGH tolerance for pain. Normally, the Doctor looks at me and says "WHY didn't you come in sooner? Are you crazy?" Nope. Just didn't think it hurt that bad.

It seems that I have either broken/cracked/bruised a rib or torn a muscle. To say it hurts is a serious understatement. It was just a little uncomfortable yesterday. I would say about a 5 on the pain scale. Today, I woke up at a 12 and have remained at a constant 10 all day.

Breathing = Hurts
Driving = Hurts
Moving at all = Hurts

I mean brings me to tears hurts.

The breathing thing, not such a good idea to have problems breathing when you are an asthmatic.

Yes, I know, I should go to the Doctor. Stop pushing.

However, I do not have a Primary Care Physician. All of my Doctors are specialists. No need to have a PCP. Except in times likes these.

So it's an urgent care of the ER for me. Neither of which I want to deal with.

Save The Drama

For someone other than me.

For a small town, this one sure has a lot of stupid ass women. Damn it ladies. You all are killing me. Stop being such pathetic excuses and woman up. For the love of woman kind. You make it really hard for me to defend women. Oh and you men, don't think that just because I am bashing on my kind today that you won't get yours. Trust me. Don't even get me started.

1) I don't care what he did or didn't do. It is NEVER, E.V.E.R. okay to post naked pictures of your ex sleeping, on the internet. Stupid woman.

2) If you text me five times and say five different versions of "don't tell him, I don't want him to think I'm obsessed", guess what...YOU ARE OBSESSED.

3) If you tell him that you think he will be disrespecting you if he tries go into a bar that you are in, then don't do it to him and then say "he's the one that says we need to co-exist." Dumb ass.

4) I DO NOT want to hear about how you don't want people to think you are a whore. Especially when you slept with FOUR different men last week and you picked them all up in the same damn bar. TRAMP.

5) And you, you triffling skank whore. Not only did you sleep with my friends husband, I DON'T CARE IF IT WAS SEVEN YEARS AGO, but you claim to have an "open" marriage, yet you are the only one effing anyone else. And don't you EVER in your sorry skanktastic life refer to me as a nobody that means nothing or I will snatch your face off. Got that stupid cunt?

Get away from me. All of you.

Bless your hearts and have a nice day.

Well Then

I am usually not a person to jump on a band wagon when it comes to music and reality shows. However, since I am bored out of my skull at work, I decided to zip around the internet. When I came across the clip from last night of Kevin Skinner on "America's Got Talent", I pulled out my trusty iPhone headphones, plugged them into the computer and waited for it to download. Why the hell not, I had nothing better to do.

Let me just tell you a little something (my Southern girl speak is coming out), I love to hear a good singer. I love to hear someone who has honesty and emotion in their voice. Even if they miss a note or two, the talent is raw. I actually had little water dots in my eyes.

I'm not really sure (nor do I care to learn) how to put a video on here so you will have to just follow the link and watch it yourself.

Chicken.

And that's my contribution for the year to the world of reality shows and music.