Monday In Pictures

The Things You Find

On Wikihow. They seem to think they can tell you how to do anything don't they?



How to Stop Being Afraid of Being Loved or Falling in Love

Are you afraid to fall in love or of being loved by someone? Does the thought make you feel suffocated, too deeply entwined, or just plain uninteresting? For some, previous scars from being in love drive a need to stay away from love altogether, for fear of being hurt again. For sure, love is a frightening journey but it is also a wondrous one too and it is important to note that you get out of something what you put into it. So, without further ado, it's time to forge on ahead and learn some mechanisms to make it less scary, more enticing, and definitely worth your while.

1 Understand that the feeling of love is permissible.Understand that the feeling of love is permissible. Let yourself be overcome by feelings of affection, care, intensity, and warmth. These feelings won't destroy you - they are good, positive feelings. And if you let them show, it is so much the easier for the other party to feel OK about letting their mutual affection show back.

2 Rid yourself of past shadows.Rid yourself of past shadows. When you start feeling great affection for someone but the ghost of love-gone-wrong in the past starts fluttering by, tell yourself that this is a different situation this time, different person, and a wiser, more emotionally healthy you. You should have learned the lessons from past losses, so make good now and trust this new beginning is going to be work for you both.

3 Face your fears.Face your fears. If you feel a sense of suffocation, loss of self, or disillusionment about love, then you probably have a tougher road ahead than a person who fears a repeat of the past. For you, the fear is about losing yourself, your individuality. Think about the past and anyone who may have made you feel this way, suffocated, watched over, criticized too much. Put that memory into its place and recognize that that person or situation is very different from a love in which two people at an equal level care about one another and make mature decisions together. It also helps to set very clear but friendly ground rules about yourself from the start of a loving relationship - let the other person know that you will always feel a need for space, time alone, and opportunities to do things separate from your relationship but that this does not impact your love and care for this person. rather, Make it clear that this is a healthy way for a couple to be together, always growing and being individuals as much as being part of a couple.

4 Take the plunge slowly.Take the plunge slowly. You are never going to be the type who sees fireworks and feels love at first sight. You are too cautious; this is a positive, not a negative as only fools rush in where angels fear to tread. Take your time developing your loving relationship, and be mature, honest, straightforward and open with your partner. The love that flourishes from this slowly-does-it approach is often an enduring and respectful one.

5 Don't give up your other passions.Don't give up your other passions. Being in a loving relationship means being in a supportive one. It is not about being changed by another person, or trying to change someone. If you fear that the person you love might end up wanting to change something about you, deal with this early on. Always make it clear that you come with the fox terriers, the summer vacation hunting trips, the night-out-with-the-girls once a week, the desire to never have children, the weekends locked away editing wikiHow etc. If you have passions that define you, a partner who seeks to take them away from you will leave both of you unhappy and if this is what is stopping you from falling in love, return to the mantra of being open, clear, and up front from the start. Now that all this is out of the way, you can start to fall in love and enjoy the journey to self-discovery that includes discovering someone else. Good luck leaving fear behind!Ads by Google


Tips: Remember that love is a multi-colored, many splendid thing that is hard to confine to one-box-fits-all or to a singular definition. It just may be that your problem is how you define love; change your perspective and you might just lose your fear. Love can creep up unawares, dressed in the clothing of friendship, a shared passion, a regular meet-up, a weekly conversation in the pub - it doesn't have to be anything spectacular or overwhelming and it can be as simple, or as complicated, as you want it to be. Maybe seeing it this way can lessen your fear of the amorphous, overly romanticized notion of love and help you to understand that at its most basic, love is companionship with somebody who means a great deal to you.

Warnings: No matter who it is, there is always a chance of being hurt, even if you eliminate the fear. Choose heartbreak over fear of heartbreak; choose doing over doing nothing. Be careful that you aren't mistaking "Love" for loneliness. Don't think you are putting someone in your heart, when all you really want is someone in your bed.

Other Writers and Their Words of Wisdom

Sometimes another writer can just write almost exactly how you are feeling. Sure, the story is their personal story and not all of what they are writing about pertains to you, but the story remains the same.

Today is one of those days that I feel like Chelsea from Chelsea Talks Smack when she wrote a post a few weeks ago entitled Self-sabotage, loving yourself and NOT BEING SO DAMN CRAZY. Brilliant!

Spit or Swallow?

I know the title got your attention, so I will not disappoint with the contents of the post.

I know that some people that read my blog will get a kick out of this and since it's written by a woman and it's pretty funny, I had to share. Not sure I agree with the title but whatever.

One of the Most Detested Sex Acts Is Good for Women

Posted by Jamye Waxman on June 17, 2011 at 6:41 PM

I've always been a swallower. As a child I swallowed anything the vacuum cleaner failed to pick up. Crayons. Paper. Nose boogers. Nothing felt dirty or wrong, even if the look on my mother's face told me otherwise. It wasn't until I starting give blowjobs that I thought about what I swallowed. I had given up breastmilk long before then, and the idea of swallowing something out of someone else's body felt odd. But, then anything feels strange until you get used to doing it.

There's a lot of chatter over the age old sex debate, to spit or swallow, but when it comes to decisions, this is an easy one. If you love your partner and can muster up enough strength to take one for the team, take one for the team. Not only do guys love it when women swallow -- something about the whole completion thing -- but there are actually measurable benefits to swallowing, too.

1. Semen can boost your mood. Sure, this study had to do with intercourse, but if the hormones in semen, mainly testosterone and estrogen, make women happy when they screw, why wouldn't they make women happy when they swallow? Going on that theory, swallowing can make you happier. So next time the kids are screaming for Sponge Bob, think about the benefits another type of bob. The head bob.

2. Semen does a body good, pass it on. That's right, semen may be a cure for sore throats and diabetes! The next time you eat too much sugar and worry about your insulin levels, balance it out with a little semen (and, of course, talk to your doctor). If you lose your voice shouting, protect your throat with semen. These are only some of the possible medical benefits for semen. I can only imagine what else science will uncover about swallowing. Perhaps it's the cure for world hunger?

3. Semen can taste good. Like french fries or fruit, it all depends on what he eats. When you're looking for a filling snack, why not a little love juice? It's high in protein and only 20 calories per teaspoon. And when he eats celery, cranberries, watermelon and drinks pineapple juice, he'll taste even juicer.

4. And for those who you can't get themselves to swallow, fear not. You should feel good knowing that a little semen on your face may do wonders for your skin. According to The Sexual Teachings of the White Tigress semen facials are good for you. And in her memoir, I'm Wild Again, even Helen Gurley Brown recommends the semen facial: "Spread semen over your face, [it's] probably full of protein as sperm can eventually become babies. Makes a fine mask — and he'll be pleased."

Do you prefer to spit or swallow?

About the author

Jamye Waxman M.Ed is a sex educator and writer who loves to cuddle. She believes that intimacy takes work but should be fun, and communication is the key. She's also a TMI kind of girl.

Have a nice day! :)

Monday Mess

Do you ever have those days where you just can't seem to get rid of that, I'm pissed off at the world edge? You know, when you wake up and you feel like you didn't sleep at all. Where you sit at your desk and stare at the computer, aimlessly going through the motions of "work". By 1pm your eyes are burning and still red from exhaustion. You try to drink some caffeine or go smoke (for those of us in the world that still do) but nothing seems to remove that nasty "I want to punch something" grip that is on your day.

Then, you try to sit down and write about it and everything comes out a mess and makes no real sense. Then you end up with some damn post like this one.

There are about ten different reasons why I'm not in a good mood today, and I don't want to talk about any of them. Here are some random thoughts that keeps racing back and forth.

The answer is NO.
What the hell am I doing?
How am I going to make that happen?
Should I be doing this?
What am I thinking?
How the hell am I going to pay that?
I don't want to. I don't need to. And I'm not going to.


Monday is a MESS.

Wordless Wednesday

How I feel in pictures

50 Is My Favorite Number

"There comes a time in every life when the world gets quiet and the only thing left is your heart." — Sarah Dessen

Check, 1, 2, 3...Is anyone out there.

Well hello. WAVING FRANTICALLY.

What a month.

I went on a work trip in April and had an amazing time. Then I went on another trip just last week and was hiding in the inner rooms of a hotel and a training center on two separate occassions while tornado sirens were going off outside. GOOD TIMES.

Lots of things going on. A promotion at work. YAY ME! A new car. Someone who makes me smile. And just life being great.

I have two trips coming up. Both personal and I can't wait. My second trip cannot possibly get here fast enough. I am almost crawling out of my skin for it to get here.

Oh yeah, and I am smiling. A lot. I mean a lot alot.

Should Have

And There You Have It

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Interesting

Hmmm...you don't say.


Inside women's sexual brains, preferences and porn

Men everywhere have probably wondered for thousands of years: What turns women on?

In the age of the Internet, it's possible to find out. And with countless genres of images, videos and erotic stories available online, women are both able and empowered to access arousing material, and figure out for themselves what they like. Some are watching porn, as our sex columnist Ian Kerner pointed out in a recent column.

But what women are viewing and reading is usually not what men are searching for, according to a new book on the subject. In "A Billion Wicked Thoughts," released Thursday, neuroscientists Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam combine web searches, personal search histories, websites, and classified ads with insights from brain science to discover precisely how different women are from men.

Just like we're all born with taste cues - sweet, salty, savory, spicy, bitter - men and women's brains are wired with sexual cues, Ogas said. For men, the cues are predominantly visual, and aimed at the partner; they often enjoy seeing women orgasm, which may be one of the reasons why so many women fake. But women are more complex; they place a high importance on feeling desired, for example, whereas it appears men generally don't need to feel desired at all in order to feel aroused.

"A woman wants to know that there’s going to be repeat action, that he’s committed and is going to be coming back," Ogas said.

Women are sexually complex in other important ways. If a man is physically turned on, he's also psychologically turned on, which is why medications for erectile dysfunction (i.e. Viagra) can deliver fairly straightforward results. But a woman can be physically turned on and mentally turned off at the very same time, making efforts toward a treatment for low female sexual desire all the more complicated. And as to what makes a woman go beyond mere arousal and have sex, you'll have to read this other article.

The female sexual brain is also like a “detective agency” that investigates a man’s many qualities before deciding whether he’s worth her attention, the authors said. Evolutionarily, that makes sense. In the earliest days of humans, females who mated with the first males they encountered would not have fared as well as those who took the time to investigate their partners a little more. The "detective agency" would make sure that the chosen male would not be cruel, unfaithful or sneaky, would protect the woman and her child.

More important than evolution, though, is the "software" of the sexual brain, Ogas and Gaddam said.

Again, men are simple: The male brain is designed so that any stimulus can trigger arousal. For some, a single cue is necessary and sufficient, which is what makes a fetish, well, a fetish. For instance, some men get turned on in the presence of attractive shoes or feet, and need to see that in order to feel stimulated. On the other hand, fetishes are extremely rare among women. The female brain usually doesn't respond to a single trigger every time; there can be lots of different combinations of things that can get them in the mood.

"The male sexual brain is like a single toggle switch, whereas the female sexual brain is like the cockpit of an F1 fighter jet," Gaddam said. "There are tons of dials and instruments, and there's sophisticated calibration going on."

To fully appreciate this, feast your eyes on these two real search histories from America Online users:

MAN: college cheerleaders; cheerleaders in Hawaii; pics of bikinis and girls; pretty girls in bikinis; girls suntanning in bikinis; college cheerleader pics in bikinis; noooooooo; christian advice on lust

WOMAN: orlando bloom as vampire fanfiction; 321 sex chat; kingdom of heaven fanfiction; cinderella wedding dresses; gossip on orlando bloom; legolas erotica; legolas heterosexual erotica; evil orlando bloom dark fanfiction

As you can see, this woman tends to prefer stories ("fanfiction," or narratives based on existing movies/TV/literature) much more than the man, who searches for specific images. The majority of these stories are romantic and lightly erotic, but plenty of women like graphic erotic stories, too. In the search above you can see this one gal is particularly interested in Legolas from "Lord of the Rings" and the actor who portrays him: Orlando Bloom. And there's a lot of conversation that goes on among women about erotic stories about the inner feelings of the characters, whereas men consume porn alone and don't talk about the aesthetics, Gaddam said.

"Male erotica is a solitary enterprise, and female erotica is a social enterprise," Ogas said.

A minority of women do watch visual porn. Based on analyses of user profiles on a porn website, these ladies tend to be more socially aggressive, comfortable taking risks, and open to bisexual experiences. They also tend to have a higher sex drive.

And while many men do seek out porn involving young women, there's a substantial interest in seeing scantily clad (or not clad at all) older women too. Significant numbers of web searches and websites out there are devoted to women in their 40s, 50s, 60s. There's even a genre called "granny porn," with a consistent following, in which the male performer's age is highly variable. It's hard to know how old the men are who are seeking this class of erotica, but the authors speculate they come from a wide range of ages, since men's sexual interests are pretty solid by age 25. Women, on the other hand, have much more flexible and dynamic interests during a lifetime.

What about homosexuality? The authors compared gay and straight male sexuality, and found they were strikingly similar. The differences: gay men like men, and are more likely to be aroused by the submissive role in sex than straight men. Lesbians are far more complicated, and Ogas and Gaddam don't think they have enough information to make any definitive comparisons about it.

The authors don't take any moral positions on any of this, but they do point out that individual tastes and preferences are difficult or impossible to modify. Yet everyone assumes their own interests are the norm, and we quickly label anything else as weird or even dangerous, Gaddam said.

"We should all be more sexually tolerant," Ogas said.

I'm Just Sayin'

How to Tell If Someone Is a Sociopath


Sociopaths are always looking out for themselves.

A sociopath is characterized by the deficit of social emotions such as love, guilt, shame or remorse. According to the University of Tennessee-Knoxville, the sociopath lacks "a sense of moral responsibility and social conscience." Sociopaths often scheme to manipulate others without regard to consequences of inflicting harm. It is the cold-hearted way the sociopath reacts to his victims that illustrates his lack of moral compass and detachment from other human beings.

1 Observe the person in his day-to-day life to assess her interactions with others. Sociopaths may be charming, but their actions are calculated to manipulate others. Common behaviors include scams, fraud and deception and may include feigned emotions to appeal to the victim's emotions.

2 Watch for indications that the individual pursues anything they want at the expense of others. According to Austin Peay State University, the sociopath's life revolves around meeting his own needs without regards to others.

3 Verify stories and information provided by the suspected sociopath. Sociopaths typically concoct elaborate backgrounds, inflate their worth and experience and simply lie to convince others to give them what they want.

4 Look for lack of expression of guilt or remorse for wrongful actions towards others. Lack of emotion and failure to express remorse typically signals sociopathic tendencies. Sociopaths convicted of violent crimes typically remain expressionless and exhibit a cold exterior.

5 Assess whether the individual has the mental capability to understand their actions. Sociopaths typically understand their actions and know they are wrong or socially unacceptable but simply don't care. Mentally challenged individuals may lack the cognitive abilities to understand their own actions.

6 Arrange for psychological testing to determine the stability of the individual. Children may exhibit sociopathic traits in the early teens. Lying, stealing and violating laws may signal the onset of sociopathic personalities. Psychological testing rules out other psychological issues that may present with similar traits.

Songs That Get You

You know when you hear a song and even though you don't know the words yet, you love the feeling the music gives you? And if the guy singing is pretty to look at, that helps too.

The song I linked had been dubbed The Country Rap Song. The title is actually Dirt Road Anthem.

This song makes me smile. And smiles are few and far between these days.

Today

So the song is one that I try to listen to everyday. I need to hear the words. It has nothing to do with the first part of what I am going to write though. There isn't a song that can really describe how I'm feeling about that.

Today, my best friend had to deliver her baby that she knew would be born still born. On Monday (my birthday) the Doctors told her that her baby had died at 18 1/2 weeks in to her pregnancy. At 0720 this morning the baby was delivered with it's umbilical cord wrapped around it's neck.

Today SUCKS.

Happy Birthday To Me!

That is all.

Well Then

So, Friday I wrecked my car. GOOD JOB. Haven't heard from the body shop yet so I am not sure if it's going to be totaled or not yet.

I bumped my head and had a mild concussion. Of course I didn't know that until I was on my way home to get my rental car and became really sick. To the ER I went. Drugs and rest. :( I'm sick and tired. And really sick and tired.

And sick of being tired. And tired of being sick.

Wordless Wednesday (almost)

I used to do wordless Wednesday. I think I will try to get back to that. Wordless Wednesday means I will just use pictures to explain how I feel.

Cupid is Stupid

I don't love me. There I admitted it. I mean, I like me and I like all kinds of things about me, but I don't love me. I'm working on that though. List is made. Plan is in motion. I've got a job to do.

For far too long, I allowed myself to try to find self validation by making others feel good. I married a man that didn't love me. I mean sure, I thought he did when I married him. I mean he said he did so he had to have right? Yeah well, we all know how that is ending.

There's nothing like making you love yourself like being married to someone who made you hate what little bit you did like about yourself in the first place. And then walks away to go be with another woman. HELLO, kick to the stomach of my self esteem CHECK.

I'm that smart, pretty, successfull, funny, educated all around girl. I can go anywhere and start a conversation or hold my own in most games and in most environments, whether it is in heels, boots or tennis shoes. I know all these things about myself but yet I still allow people who don't deserve me to be a part of my life. HEY SELF. Get a clue. A big clue. Like Colonel Mustard in the study with the candlestick kind of clue.

Today. I think cupid is stupid. BUT most of us have our own arrows and sit and shoot them until we hit something. Never paying attention to why we might have missed our target the first couple of times. Because you are shooting at the wrong target. HELLO.

I Don't

I don't hope like I used to
I don't dream like I once did

Trust is not in my vocabulary
Love is only in fairy tales

Sometimes I get lost along the way
Staring out across the horizon
Hopeful

Only to find myself
Taking a step back
Afraid

My hopes and dreams
Picked apart
By my emotions of the past

There are moments when my heart flutters
When tears of joy spring into my eyes
But then
through a tiny crack
doubt creeps in

Doubts rapidly invade my mind
No question is left unasked
Walls go up
around my heart
I’m suffocating, I can’t breathe

My mind races, my heart aches
My needs and wants are confused
I am my own worst enemy

I struggle and pull
I push and fight
I scream inside

Silently impatient
Waiting on a change
Restless with emotion
Angered by the pain

I Will Survive

I can't.

I CAN

I WILL.

I MUST.

How I Feel : In Pictures

Things Other People Said

The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won't. ~Henry Ward Beecher

When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving oneself, and one always ends by deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance. ~Oscar Wilde

Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. ~Malachy McCourt

Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose. ~Helen Keller

Profound

It's not often that we find something or hear something that grips you.

Even if you cannot put yourself in the shoes of ther person speaking, you can hear their pain, see it, feel it. Your chest clinches and tears flow from your eyes.

That is what this girl did.

I Mean Really?

Today marks the SIXTEETH DAY since I have been sick. What gives? I went to the Doctor about four days in. Sinus infection, cold, etc etc. I got a round of antibiotics and some codeine laced cough syrup. Yeah well. That didn't help. I spent every other day the week before last at home in bed. Last week I made it to work every day feeling miserable. This week. STILL SICK. WHAT THE?

This morning I woke up with my nose completely stopped up, a hacking cough and feeling like someone drop kicked me in my sleep.

I've tried baths, showers, Vicks, cough medicine, theraflu, inhalers, nasal spray, sleep and various other tricks. Nothing is working.

PLEASE make it go away. Someone? Anyone? Light a candle, say a chant, dance in a circle, pray, cast a spell, something.

What Makes Me Happy

With all of the depressing posts I have been making lately, I figured I would jump on the bandwagon of posters and Facebookers and post about what makes me happy. I am a different sort so enjoy.

What makes me happy...

A cold glass of sweet white wine
A good book
A porch swing
Ballet
Singing
Playing the Piano
Dancing
Silence
Music
Dr. Pepper
A clean house
The way someone that loves me looks at me
Sarcasm
Art
Learning
Discovering
Writing
Hoping
Dreaming
Success

Shattered

Words can be like a bullet
The kind that only has an entry wound.
They pierce the heart
Only to bounce around
hitting every major artery and organ
until all the damage is done.

You are on life support
All hope escapes you
Something else is breathing for you

Where do you go?
Do you stay in between?
Do you let go and succumb to your injuries?
Do you fight and wake up, damaged and lost?

Happy 235th Birthday to ME (and the United States Marine Corps)

THE UNITED STATES MARINE CORPS... is 235 years of romping, stomping, hell, death and destruction. The finest fighting machine the world has ever seen. We were born in a Bomb Crater, Our Mother was an M-16 & Our Father was the Devil. Each moment that I live is an additional threat upon your life. I am a rough looking, roving soldier of the sea. I am cocky, self-centered, overbearing, and do not know the meaning of fear, for I am fear itself. I am a green amphibious monster, made of blood and guts, who arose from the sea, feasting on anti-Americans throughout the globe. Whenever it may arise, and when my time comes, I will die a glorious death on the battlefield, giving my life for Mom, the Corps, and the American Flag. We stole the eagle from the Air Force, the anchor from the Navy, and the rope from the Army. On the 7th day, while God rested, we over-ran his perimeter and stole the globe, and we've been running the show ever since. We live like soldiers and talk like sailors and slap the Hell out of both of them. Marine by day, lover by night, American by the grace of God.

SEMPER FIDELIS to my fellow Marines. Both active, reserves, retired and those that only spent a few years. To those that are no longer with us, Rest In Peace Brothers and Sisters.

This Week On Facebook

So it seems that I am quite the funny person per all of my friends on Facebook. Often times I am profound as well. Maybe my writing has not really gone away, it is just quick and brilliant (a little arrogant huh?)

Anywhoway. I figured that I would list my status updates for this week. Ready? Set? GO! False start. 5 yard penalty. Repeat second down.

Today (Thursday):

The grass is greener on the other side because it is fertilized with bullshit.

Yesterday (Wednesday):

I may not be the most beautiful, or the sexiest, nor do I have the perfect body. I might not be everyone's first choice, but I'm a great choice! I don't pretend to be someone I'm not, because I'm good at being me! I might not be proud of some of the things I've done in the past, but I'm proud of who I am today! Take me... as I am, or watch me walk away!

Your freedom is visible at Arlington National Cemetary.

I would rather be too school for cool, than too cool for school.

Tuesday:

Stupid screen door is open and the wind is blowing it back and forth making creepy sounds. Guess that means I have to get up with the shotgun and go close it.

My hamster wheel is slow. I just can't seem to bring myself to run around it all excited right now.

Dear SNOTTY lady sitting beside me on the bus. If you are going to buy your clothes at Goodwill, wash them before you wear them. I can recognize that smell anywhere. I buy my clothes there too. Oh and with that attitude, I think you need to be reading something a little stronger than Billy Graham on your iPhone.

A lot of crazy stuff is going to happen when pigs learn to fly. Just think about it.

When it comes to driving, anybody going slower than me is an idiot, and anyone going faster than me is a maniac.

I'm not lying down. I'm in landscape mode.

Pennies are like seconds, you fail to realize how precious they are, until you are down to your last few.

˙ǝןƃuɐ ʇuǝɹǝɟɟıp ɐ ɯoɹɟ pןɹoʍ ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooן ɐ ƃuıʞɐʇ

Always look on the bright side. For example, don't think of yourself as an ugly person, think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

Monday:

Hey LCpl. Thanks for the lecture about my expired base sticker. But um yeah. I will tell "my Marine" as you called him, "to get right on that." Did you notice it expired TWO months ago? Yep, "my Marine" is all over it. Especially since he doesn't even have decals on his truck.

A U.S. military member is somewhere in the world tonight missing their family while you are safe at home. In the minute it takes you to read this, military members all over the world are not only saving lives, but they are also sacrificing their own life for your freedom.

Today, may you be as happy, as a person in an infomercial.

Go go Gadget car.

Nothing Moves Me Anymore

This song explains just how I feel about my writing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVCYRtdtCPU

The Week In Pictures (TWIP)

TWIP. That's the new thing. Or my new thing. Whatever. I do what I want. You're not the boss of me.




You get what you see. And I say what I feel.

Sleepy.

Purely.
Utterly.
Exhausted.

By 9pm I am hardly able to speak or hold my eyes open.

Something has to give.

Aching

Touch me.
My skin lays waiting.
Caress me.
My heart needs to know
a touch.

Emotions are empty.
They lack depth.
Silence is befitting.


My inner dreamer
wanst to know a
love
with
butterflies.

I'm aching.

Letter to Myself

Where did you go?
It seems like it's been forever.
I haven't seen you around.
That wild girl I used to know
has disappeared.

I know that life changes,
we grow up.
But growing up
doesn't have to mean giving up.

I know she's in there.
Dying to bust out and dance.
Dreaming of the day you let her out
to show off again.

Let yourself shine.
Stop blowing out your candle.
Be yourself.

Let her go.
Stop holding her back.

What The EFF Friday?

I need a drink. That is all really. I need something to make this day better.

As it stands right now, I want to face stomp or throat punch someone.

And rumor has it, traffic is a holy nightmare. I mean, after it taking me 3.5 hours to get home from work last night, the last thing I need to do is do it all over again today.

What the EFF Friday?

Hello August

Let's hope that you don't act up like your friend July. I've had about enough.

I am exhausted. We drove over 900 miles to Illinois last Sunday, then we drove almost another 900 to Florida on Tuesday. Then we drove from Florida to Virginia this morning (another almost 900 miles). I made it just in time to hope on my charter bus to go to work.

A wedding and a funeral in the same week. *Sigh*. We were able to meet some amazing new friends and spend time with old friends and family. All in all, it was a great time.

Now I am -40 hours of vacation time though. Ack. Guess I won't be going anywhere anytime soon.

Here's to August.

Dear July. I hate you.

I mean really?

My husband and I drove to Jacksonville, Illinois on Sunday morning, to make it in time for a funeral on Monday morning.

One of my husband's closest friends was killed in action in Afghanistan on July 17th. Matt served with E for 4 years in the Corps, where they were roommates and deployed to Fallujah twice. Matt deployed a third time to Ramadi and E moved to another unit.

Matt's desire to do Special Ops lead him to get out and join the Army. Airborne. Rangers.

This was Matt's 5th deployment if you combine them all. He was due to come home on the 29th of this month.

What a heartbreaking experience this has been.

Can this month please get over?

RIP Matthew Weikert

When It's Finally Real

Over the years you hear about someone being KIA. Then you just want to believe it's not true. I've dealt with more than my fair share of losses thanks to Iraq and Afghanistan.

But when you see the DoD Release, then you know that's when it's finally real.

DOD Identifies Marine Casualty

The Department of Defense announced today the death of a Marine who was supporting Operation Enduring Freedom.

Staff Sgt. Justus S. Bartelt, 27, of Polo, Ill., died July 16 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 2nd Battalion, 6th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

Rest in Peace:

1stLt Frederick Pokorney KIA 23 Mar 2003
Sgt Edgar Lopez KIA 28 Aug 2004
Captain John Maloney KIA 16 June 2005
SSgt Jason Ramseyer KIA 20 Apr 2006
LCpl Eric Herzberg KIA 26 Oct 2006
Sgt Jerome "Jerry" Bell KIA 19 Sept 2008
SSgt Justus Bartelt KIA 16 July 2010

Rest in Peace Marines. I will see you at the gates of heaven.

TAPS

Staff Sergeant Justus Bartelt.

KIA. Afghanistan. July 2010.

Semper Fidelis.

You were truly one of a kind.

A Ten. I give it a Ten.

My ability to fall down stairs is astounding.

Monday morning, I fell down the last four stairs of the eight stairs in front of my house.

Seems I have torn some ligaments, tendons and muscles. No breaks. I mean that would be easy.

Here are a few pictures of my injuries:

In the ER:

In the ER:

Day Two:

I also scraped up my left knee and my left foot. My right arm escaped injury free until they gave me a tetanus shot in it.

Can I get a round of applause please?

I'm Not Touching You. I'm Not Touching You.

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel "pick up your shovel, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land".

Nearly 75 years ago, Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land".
Now Obama has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of Camels, and mortgaged the Promised Land!

I was so depressed last night thinking about health care plans, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, savings, social security, retirement funds, etc. So, I called Lifeline, the suicide help line. Got a freakin' call center in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they all got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Style and Grace

How does one fall down a set of brick stairs and scrape their leg, hand and knee but doesn't tear their stockings?

Not so gracefully, that's how.

Excuse Me, Miss

So I'm walking all fast like out of a building. The Main building for the De-part-ment that I work for, when I hear, "excuse me, Miss?" I stopped and turned to see this security guard. He smirked. I did the squinty eye thing of "wait....I know you from somewhere thought." YEP. Sure as shit (never really understood that phrase), there stood RH.

RH is a guy that was standing outside of a local bar (down where I live), one night quite late. My girlfriends and I had been drinking a bit and somehow I was standing there talking to RH. And discovered that he worked as a Security Guard where I work. REALLY? Seriously? Small world huh? Of all the building and places to work he works for the same place? My building is HUGE. I mean HUGE (that's what she said). The chances of him seeing me walk out of his exit (there are a ton of exits) on a day that he works are pretty random. About as random as him being outside of a bar that I am at

Yeah, and so today was the first time I've seen him since that night. Nothing romantical about it, since I am a married women after all. It's just a small little world out there. DC is a big ass city. Where I live is about 40 miles away. There are a lot, I mean AAAAAAA LOOOOOTTTTTTTTT of places to work in between here and there.

I must learn to hide better.

Dear Monday

Monday, Monday. I haven't seen a really bad one of you in a long time. I thought that our life long rivalry had finally come to some sort of truce. Oh how wrong I was. I guess you were just waiting until my guard was down so that you could attack. Or were you waiting until the husband and I had a great Sunday and I woke up all happy and rainbowy and stuff? Either way. YOU SUCK. AGAIN. STILL. EFF You.

You couldn't even wait until the morning light to jack up my Monday. At 12:15am I received a text from an old friend in regards to another old friend. Really? ICU? Critical? Septic Shock? Come on. EFF Hospitals.

Then, my alarm was set for 5:42pm not am. NICE. Only woke up ONE hour late. No biggie. Then of course, the slug line was LONG and I missed the window to find a parking spot in the lot I needed to be in. EFF alarms.

Oh and who picks me up for a ride but my friend CC. I should have just gotten a ride with someone else because the fact that he has to text his girlfriend (who hates me) when I get in the car and when he drops me off, makes me want to hurl in his new Infinity. EFF jealous people.

And then, I realized I forgot my badge. Not only did I forget my badge, but I forgot my Smartrip Card. Damn it outloud. EFF forgetting things.

Last but not least, my HR department has been waiting for me to bring in a copy of something for over a week. Guess what I forgot this morning? You guessed it. The paper. EFF forgetting things. Squared.

Dear Monday. I hate you.