This Is What Boredom Will Get You

1. What is in the back seat of your car right now? Chain saw, trash bags, rope, shovel, blah blah blah.

2. When was the last time you threw up? I don't throw up. You shut up.

3. What's your favorite curse word? Good girls don't curse. Shame on you for thinking so.

4. Name 3 people who made you smile today? Me, Myself and I. HEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYY...

5. What were you doing at 8 am this morning? If I tell you, I will have to kill you.

6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Please refer to the answer to #5 and stop asking questions that will get you hurt.

7. What will you be doing 3 hours from now? Layin it down on the flip side. Didn't I warn you about these questions?

8. Have you ever been to a strip club? Yes. It's amazing the skills those girls have. I guarantee they will be the future leaders of America. They hold the true moral values that our country should be founded upon.

9. What is the last thing you said aloud? You're so fine, you blow my mind, how bout I hit it from behind?

10. What is the best ice cream flavor? Bubble gum...u get free gum, c'mon!

11. What was the last thing you had to drink? Not telling. 'Cause you can't have none.

12. What are you wearing right now? White turtle neck, dark green vest, pink camisole, white bra with matching panties (grrr), red leggings, black pants, blue suspenders, black knee high socks, white knee pads, yellow sweatband, purple ring pop, red fruit roll-up earrings (made them myself), aluminum foil grill, neon green scrunchie.

13. What was the last thing you ate? Food. Interesting concept huh?

14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? Pocket protector. I'm pretty stoked about it.

15. When was the last time you ran? Last week when they had a prostitution ring bust in my neighborhood.

16. What's the last sporting event you watched? Dodgeball.

17. Have you been drinking? No officer. I am am the designated driver.

18. Who is the last person you emailed? Your mom.

19. Ever go camping? Around here, we call it livin.

20. Do you have a tan? Why's it always gotta be a tan thing?

21. Are you mad? Like Britney Spears mad?

22. What kind of car do you drive? None of your business. And no you can't get a ride.

23. What is today? It's ummmm...wait...what? Ummm...where am I?

24. Do you drink your soda from a straw? If I'm at a fancy sit-down restaurant. But that's only once every couple of years or so....

25. What did your last IM say? The body is buried in the backyard, if you talk, I kill you.

26. Are you someone's best friend? Hellz yeah I am. The bestest.

27. What are you doing tomorrow? Even street walkers have to rest.

28. Where is your mom right now? Wouldn't you like to know.

29. Look to your left, what do you see? The street sign. Sooo exciting! Take it off!

30. What color is your watch? Don't got no watch. I'm a rebel.

31. What do you think of when you think of Australia ? My Aunt, Uncle and cousins cookin somethin on the bar-bie!

32. Would you consider plastic surgery? Sometimes I think about it and I'm like, "well maybe just a little here or there" then I see someone later in life who had it done years ago and they look disgusting and I realize that I'd rather just diet and work out really hard and make good with what I got. Nothin a little tissue can't fix.

33. What is your birthstone? Skulls and Crossbones

34. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? Drive thru so I can peg the cashier woman in the head with a penny.

35. How many kids do you want? Do you have some you are bringing to the relationship? I can want those.

36. Do you have a dog? Yes. Two, and they can kick your dogs butt.

37. Last person you talked to on the phone? My pimp.

38. Have you met anyone famous? I am famous....for being amazing. What what.

39. Any plans today? Just filling this out and then skidaddling to bed. (I know you love that I brought out the skiddaddle, really, how long has it been since you've heard that one?).

40. How many states have you lived in? Notchyos.

41. Ever go to college? Been. Graduated and going again. I think I'm confused.

42. Where are you right now? Hello. Obvious. Like...duh.

43. Biggest annoyance in your life right now? Lack of sleep.

44. Last song listened to? If you stand on it...we stand behinnnnnnnnd it!

45. Where were you 6 hours ago? I have an alibi, I swear.

46. Are you allergic to anything? Dumb drunk men at the bar. Ick...

47. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? My bo bos. Walmart special yo.

48. Are you jealous of anyone? Nah brah.

49. Are you in love? Is that what I told you?

50. Is anyone jealous of you? Probably, there are many haters out there.

51. What time is it? You tell me. I ain't got not watch, remember?

*52. Do any of your friends have children? Yes, but we don't talk about their boyfriends like that.

53. Do you eat healthy? Define healthy.

54. What do you usually do during the day? Square dance, play jenga, and do a little break dancing.

55. Do you hate anyone right now? No...got only love for yas.

56. Do you use the word 'hello' daily? And howdy...can't forget howdy.

57. Ever been in the military? My DD-214 says I was.

58. How old will you be turning on your next birthday? How old are you looking for?

59. Have you ever been to Six Flags? Nah, I just ride real fast around corners through Northeast DC. Same thing. Ghetto rollerocaster.

Can We Have It All?

A few friends and I get in to a certain discussion from time to time. It's the "can we actually have it all" conversation.

Tides have changed over the years and women are more successful than ever. All of the sudden, we spend our lives getting an education and obtaining a career and then we find ourselves alone, with no one to share it with. There you are, standing in your big house or driving in your new car and there is no one standing next to you, or riding in the passenger seat, or driving while you sit in the passenger seat.

It seems these days that we have to give up something to get something else. Like we just can't have it all. We can't be educated, have a great career, be healthy and have love and be happy.

OR maybe we should just be happy with all of the "things" we do have. BUT what is all that "stuff" if you don't have someone to share it with? If at the end of the day, you go home to an empty house and talk to yourself (or your dogs) and when something exciting happens, you don't have that person to call and share it with that will exude pride and love in their voice when they get excited with you.

Can we have hit all? Or do we need to change our definition of what having it all is?

My Mama always told me that I am never satisfied. I used to think this was a good thing, maybe a bit of ambition but lately, I'm not so sure.

If You Forget Me

If You Forget Me by Pablo Neruda


I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

That's All Folks

Tuesday was divorce court day. I'm officially divorced.

Wednesday proceeded to suck the life out of me with a speeding ticket, a tow truck driver scam, damage to my car and just being unsure if I am on the road of getting my heart broken again.

Today has pretty much sucked too. I need to find a nice bar stool and pull up to the bar and make friends with a tasty beverage or two.

Mindless Forty Eight

Why not answer some questions? Yeah, yeah, I know, this is a blog. I'm supposed to write stuff not use random questionnaires like a teenager to entertain. Well, whatever. Read them anyway, I'm kind of funny today. Oh, and bless your heart.

1. What time did you get up this morning? Not what time I was supposed to, that's for sure.

2. How do you like your steak? Preferably on a plate and cooked.

3. What is your favorite TV show? DVR

4. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? Ireland. Under the rainbow, with the rest of my leprechaun friends. But right now that would have to be switched out with Japan. The land of the other little people.

5. Are you tired? I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. Sleep is obviously overrated. Well for some people anyway.

6. What is your favorite food? FREE.

7. Favorite Place to Eat? At home. I hate people. Or Top of The World in Vegas. I like those people.

8. Favorite dressing? The kind you put in turkeys.

9. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? Not sure. Where the hell is my cup?

10. Favorite time of day? After work. Not in traffic. You know. Vodka thirty or something.

11. Where were you born? In a hospital. Nifty concept huh?

12. Are you a morning person or a night person? HAHAHAHAHA! Talk to me in the morning. I dare you. Unless you live in a different time zone.

13. Do you have any pets? Yep. Three of them. All holy terrors. Want one?

14. Any new and exciting news you would like to share? Ummmm...nope. But thanks for asking.

15. What did you want to be when you were little? Bigger.

16. Are you a cat or dog person? Well, since I have both, I guess both. But I'm allergic to cats and dogs. Go figure. And we all know that I've had my fair share of dogs in my life. And not the kind with 4 legs.

17. Are you married? Technically for another 6 days. Why you want to get married or something?

18. Always wear your seat belt? Define always.

19. Any pet peeves? OOOO...I have lots of peeves. Pets too.

20. Favorite ice cream? I GOT ICE CREAM. AND YOU DON'T

21. Favorite fast food restaurant? Jack in the box. Even if I am scared of the game, I hate when that little guy pops out at me. So I just quit turning the handle.

22. Do anything spontaneous lately? Spontaneity is the spice of life and I am a habanero pepper.

23. Like your job? Yep and you can't have it.

24. Broccoli? What about it? We're friends. Do you have a problem with that?

25. What is your favorite color? Depends. Are there any bulls around?

26. Where are your pets right now? Two of them are probably tearing something up in the basement. Rotten animals. The cat is probably sleeping.

27. Last time you kissed someone? Ugh. WAY too long ago. June 20th to be precise. BOO. Now I have a pouty face. Thanks a lot.

28. Last time you consumed alcohol? Ummm...Last night. *looking around*

29. What color phone do you have? Naked or dressed?

30 . Ever laid under the stars?: Well, I reckon every night...I've never been able to make it OVER them. My rocket ship bed idea didn't really pan out.

31. What outfit do you have on at this exact moment? Outfit? We office people don't really wear outfits. Well, unless you count the skank downstairs on the 3rd floor. Anyway...Black and white. That's how I roll.

32. What do you want to be? A billionaire so freaking bad.

33. What are you doing tomorrow? Working. What are you doing?

34. Do you know someone who likes you? I THINK A LOT OF PEOPLE LIKE ME :) I am cool like that. But is there someone that "likes" me? Yes, yes there is. I kinda like him too. Shhhh...

35. Have you ever had a friend named "Fred, Frank, or Felipe"? I used to have a friend name Fred. HI FRED. Last I heard, he was busy catching border jumpers in Texas. I know two Franks. I need a Felipe.

36. What is the closest green object to you? I have a few green things. I don't feel like measuring to find out which one is the closest. Oh I know, a post-it. Did you know that my friend Michelle and I invented them?

37. Did you enjoy your last kiss? Yes and no. The kiss was amazing, but, it was in an aiport before I got on a plane. And I haven't had one since. So, thank you sir, may I have another?

38. What is/are your favorite kind of band(s)? The rubber ones.

39. Do you believe in Karma? I believe in Karma Chameleons. They are red, gold and green...red gold and greeeeennnnn.

40. Do you have any imaginary friends? Well, there are some people that wave to me and say hi and think I like them, they are imagining they are my friend. Does that count?

41. When was the last time you were interested in someone? I'm currently interested in someone. SO the last time was right now....and now....and now...

42. Do you miss someone right now? Like I would miss oxygen if I didn't have it for my next breath.

43. Do you believe the statement "bigger is always better"? No I do not. The woman at breakfast this morning was a perfect example.

44. Do you have a friend with benefits? Like medical and dental? 401k?

45. Ever fell down the steps? Come on. You underestimate my clumsiness. I fall, trip, knock people down, spill things, drop things...it's really funny. Until someone gets hurt. Namely me.

46. Have you ever almost died?: Almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. A hand grenade would probably kill you....I don't know about a horseshoe, maybe...with a direct blow. If you got hit in the leg with a horseshoe, it wouldn't dismember you like a hand grenade. I think we should just disregard the whole horseshoe thing anyway. "Almost only counts with Hand Grenades...period...that's all." And yes, I have almost died.

47. Have you ever been to jail?: Yes, but I rolled doubles and got out free. GO ME!

48. Are we there yet? By golly, I think we are. Please keep your hands and feet in the plane until the plane has come to a comlete stop and the pilot has turned off the fasten seatbelt signs.

ROALL

Random Observations and Lessons Learned

1) Don't fight with your significant other in front of people. And learn that sometimes the fighting is pointless anyway.
2) Be careful who you give your heart to. Some people think they are toys and find new ways to break them.
3) Never drink more drinks at a bar than you are willing to pay for (people are sneaky).
4) Traffic on I-95 from Maryland to Virginia and throughout will always suck, at any given time. Deal with it or don't drive on it. Plain and simple.
5) People will spend way too long in the plastic bin aisle at Wal-Mart and Target trying to match the lid to the bin. (Funny stuff).
6) Wanting and needing are two totally different things. Learn the difference. Especially when it comes to love.
7) The officer does NOT care how fast anyone else but YOU were going.
8) The first person to say, "Are we going to play real poker?" is the first person to play a donkey hand and/or suck out on you.
9) Never put your pool stick away.
10) The designated driver is not the person who has had the least to drink.
11) What happens in the parking lot stays in the parking lot.
12) No matter how funny you think it is, your friend should not approach a police officer drunk in WaWa at 2 am and tell him how much she loves a man in uniform.
13) If you cannot name at least 5 people that play on your favorite sports team then you are NOT a true fan.
14) Some women are just that stupid.
15) Some men are just that stupid.
16) If more than 3 people tell you that your boyfriend is a jerk, he is 99% of the time a jerk. And stop holding on to that 1%, those are the confused people.
17) Men: Please refer to #17 and change boyfriend to girlfriend and jerk to ho.
18) Red jello stains your fingers if you don't wash it off until the next morning.
19) The Chili's on 610 sucks. The food and service is horrendous, unless you are sitting AT the bar (not IN the bar).
20) Don't run your mouth about something you aren't willing to take or give a beat down for.
21) Don't talk smack about the Marine Corps. Only Marines are allowed to do that.
22) Take your hat off, place your hand over your heart and shut your mouth when the National Anthem is being performed or played. End of discussion.
23) Never underestimate the power of fear.
24) People who you never thought you would talk to again, will undoubtedly call you, write you or e-mail you from Iraq.
25) Deny, deny, deny.
26) Try to always answer your phone. You never know when someone is going to need you.
27) High school for me was over 19 years ago. Please refrain from acting like you are still in it when around me. Thanks.
28) If you say you are going to call, then call. End of story.
29) I love the Goodwill. Yes, I know that not everyone can have a brand new one that is color coordinated and has great clothes. Sorry about your luck.
30) There will come a day when your heart truly is completely broken and cannot be repaired.
31) You must party with someone in a kilt and hear bagpipes on St. Patrick's Day or it's just not the same.
32) No matter how close redbox is to your house, the local bar or the bank, your movies will more than likely still be late.
33) Don't talk to me when I am watching the game, unless you are on fire.
34) Sometimes I wonder (not wander) well I do that too, but sometimes I just wonder. Shaking my head and sighing. Flabergasted.
35) People will never cease to amaze me. (where 34 gets me).
36) If you don't know who, make sure it's not you before you start talking about it.
37) Do it. I dare you.
38) Men will never learn.
39) Women won't either.
40) People who start off lying to you, will always lie to you.
41) There is a Jack In The Box off of exit 48A on I-85 in South Carolina. Don't keep driving thinking you will see another one. You won't.
42) The Fish House in Pensacola has the best Filet Oscar. Yummmy! Get it.
43) I do not get enough sleep. Ever.
44) Commencement ceremonies are boring.
45) I have the best friends. Smart and successful. We are a force to be reckoned with. Beware.
46) Some things are just better left unsaid. Period.
47) If you wouldn't want someone to do it to you, don't do it to them.
48) I do not believe "once a cheater, always a cheater."
49) Do not be rude to someone and get offended when they are twice as rude back to you.
50) Put that stupid collar down. It wasn't cool in the 80's and it is twice as uncool now. Idiot.
51) Yes I know I have colorful past. I lived it.
52) Yes, I have an accent. It took many years to get rid of it. Sometimes it creeps back in. No, I am not from NY, NJ, NE or any other state that talks like that either. Don't ask me where it came from. Ask my mom.
53) If I wouldn't date you myself, I will not introduce you to any of my friends for you to date them. Not happening. Move along.
54) I need to get more sleep. Much more.
55) Wear a bra, and a shirt that fits. While you are at it, wear some pants that fit too. It's not cute to do otherwise.

Fridays are for feelings...

The universe always has an interesting way of reminding me of who I am when I have somewhat lost my way.

When you start a new relationship, all of the ego based emotions, all of the walls you've built as a means for protection, all of the new insecurities, and barriers, seem to grow 3 inches thicker. Not only is the other person unknowingly trying to break down walls they don't even know are there, but you find yourself trying to break those walls down too, some days to no avail.

I thrive on being a planner, and I seriously feel that I never have enough. But I didn't plan on being single at 37. Yet another failed marriage. I didn't plan on meeting someone new even after being single became my new plan. I didn't plan on it being a long distance relationship that will test me in every way it can. I didn't plan on this. I had rules that I set for myself. And I broke them all.

I've learned that I set the expectations of people too high. I get caught up in the things that they do so much, that when they don't do them, I feel like they have let me down. I've been told before that I often times make people feel like they can't do anything right because when they do something wrong I let them know in a way that makes them feel disappointed in themselves. The issue is, I love with 110% and I do everything I can to let the people I love know it. I want them to know that I appreciate them and care about them and love them and need them and want them. I get all giddy when I get an email or a card in the mail or a phone call. But what happens is, I start to expect those things. And I start to make them part of my PLAN. And when I don't get the daily email or the phone call, I in a sense retreat. When someone tells me they are going to do something I expect them to do it. And when they don't, to me, it's a direct reflection on how they feel about me. I know, I just wrote about this the other day in another blog post entitled Wait What Did You Say. At the end of that post I wrote "Then I won't be disappointed when they don’t do what they say. I understand that we all have our own internal conflicts about what we say we want and what we are actually capable of doing. Maybe truly trusting someone, is understanding why they act the way they do." Here's the problem with that, once you start expecting less, you start to feel like you are receiving less. And when you feel like someone is giving you less than you deserve you start to not even want the little bit they are giving you.

Here's the thing. Once you have been hurt for the last time, you tend to freak out. A LOT. Sure, most of the time it's internally, but you still freak out. You always think the worst. Because too many times in the past, you thought the best and you were sadly, sadly mistaken and devastated. The truth of the matter is, there are some holes and tears, in my heart that are still mending- or a need to be replaced.

I'm always dreaming up the next move. But what I need to do is just allow "the process". I see what love is and I know that I can have it and I know I'm fully capable of giving it in return.

I'm in the process. I cannot fight it. So, I'm putting down the gloves for a second and I'm just going to let it be. I'm going to let myself sit in the "panic" for a moment and rather than flipping out, which tends to be my initial reaction, (sorry baby...I know you are reading this), I think that I'm going to roll with this. Yes, I am uncomfortable, and unsure of where this is all leading, I don't see the perfect plan, the perfect step, the booming voice of guidance isn't calling my name, and for once. It's okay.

Telling It Tuesday

If I could do it over
I'd have waited for this moment
To give my heart to you unbroken
But if our mistakes brought us together
Doesn't really matter whether
We were saints or sinners in the past
I don't care if I'm your first love
I'd just love to be your last

Excerpt from "I'd Love To Be Your Last" by Clay Walker

Wait...what did you say?

Trust
–noun
1. reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
2. confident expectation of something; hope.

Maya Angelou said, “When people show you who they are the first time, believe them.”

Have you ever been completely in love? You know, where you TRUST someone completely? Or 99.9% as I like to say? Sometimes, it feels like you just ran on to I-95 North or South in the Northern Virginia/DC/MD area, hoping you won't get hit. Or maybe traffic will be at a standstill and and if some car does bump you, you will only get a small bruise and you will still be able to stumble off to the side of the road to treat your wounds. Trusting can feel like walking on a tight rope with no net below to catch you if you fall.

Even though you might have fallen off of that tight rope a time or two, and you know how bad the pain is, you still climb back up that ladder and get back on that rope and put one foot in front of the other and start walking again repeating affirmations such as "I will not fall", "I will not look down", "I will reach the other side." (run on sentence much?)

Anyway. Trusting someone means that you learn to know them through their words. In the beginning stages of a relationship, all you have to judge your level of trust on is words that they give you. You find yourself on a rollercoaster ride where you are reaching for one of those locking bars to hold you in and you are wondering what will happen if the ride gets stuck at the top? Will anyone hear you screaming?

Sometimes relationships start off with the intention of never becoming a relationship and people aren't necessarily the most truthful. On a rare occassion, you find that the make believe turns into a fairytale and you are left standing their questioning everything. "Wait, what did you say?"
Things that you didn't really know were untruthful at the time you were told them and believed them tend to have a way of rearing their ugly heads. Then doubt creeps in to every crevice of your mind and makes you feel like you want to just jump off of the tightrope even though you know there isn't a net? You make excuses for why you should stay on the rope. "I will not quit. Just a little more time and I will get my balance. I will make it to the other side damn it. I WILL not fall off again."

The only things you can know of a person for sure (or 99.9%) is what you see, what you feel and what you experience (if you have your eyes open and aren't closing them that is). What you don't know are the things you don't see or feel or experience.

In my experience, what people say and do are generally two different things. Not necessarily because they are trying to lie but because at the time the statement was made, it was the truth. We all have our own set of fears and patterns that affect how we interact with people. In every hurtful situation where my trust has been breached, people have responded from their own unique set of fears. Because I wanted to trust and believe them, I ignored the truth to keep seeking love.

Maybe I should stop looking at people as to whether or not they can be trusted. Then I won't be disappointed when they don’t do what they say. I understand that we all have our own internal conflicts about what we say we want and what we are actually capable of doing. Maybe truly trusting someone, is understanding why they act the way they do.

Monday In Pictures

The Things You Find

On Wikihow. They seem to think they can tell you how to do anything don't they?



How to Stop Being Afraid of Being Loved or Falling in Love

Are you afraid to fall in love or of being loved by someone? Does the thought make you feel suffocated, too deeply entwined, or just plain uninteresting? For some, previous scars from being in love drive a need to stay away from love altogether, for fear of being hurt again. For sure, love is a frightening journey but it is also a wondrous one too and it is important to note that you get out of something what you put into it. So, without further ado, it's time to forge on ahead and learn some mechanisms to make it less scary, more enticing, and definitely worth your while.

1 Understand that the feeling of love is permissible.Understand that the feeling of love is permissible. Let yourself be overcome by feelings of affection, care, intensity, and warmth. These feelings won't destroy you - they are good, positive feelings. And if you let them show, it is so much the easier for the other party to feel OK about letting their mutual affection show back.

2 Rid yourself of past shadows.Rid yourself of past shadows. When you start feeling great affection for someone but the ghost of love-gone-wrong in the past starts fluttering by, tell yourself that this is a different situation this time, different person, and a wiser, more emotionally healthy you. You should have learned the lessons from past losses, so make good now and trust this new beginning is going to be work for you both.

3 Face your fears.Face your fears. If you feel a sense of suffocation, loss of self, or disillusionment about love, then you probably have a tougher road ahead than a person who fears a repeat of the past. For you, the fear is about losing yourself, your individuality. Think about the past and anyone who may have made you feel this way, suffocated, watched over, criticized too much. Put that memory into its place and recognize that that person or situation is very different from a love in which two people at an equal level care about one another and make mature decisions together. It also helps to set very clear but friendly ground rules about yourself from the start of a loving relationship - let the other person know that you will always feel a need for space, time alone, and opportunities to do things separate from your relationship but that this does not impact your love and care for this person. rather, Make it clear that this is a healthy way for a couple to be together, always growing and being individuals as much as being part of a couple.

4 Take the plunge slowly.Take the plunge slowly. You are never going to be the type who sees fireworks and feels love at first sight. You are too cautious; this is a positive, not a negative as only fools rush in where angels fear to tread. Take your time developing your loving relationship, and be mature, honest, straightforward and open with your partner. The love that flourishes from this slowly-does-it approach is often an enduring and respectful one.

5 Don't give up your other passions.Don't give up your other passions. Being in a loving relationship means being in a supportive one. It is not about being changed by another person, or trying to change someone. If you fear that the person you love might end up wanting to change something about you, deal with this early on. Always make it clear that you come with the fox terriers, the summer vacation hunting trips, the night-out-with-the-girls once a week, the desire to never have children, the weekends locked away editing wikiHow etc. If you have passions that define you, a partner who seeks to take them away from you will leave both of you unhappy and if this is what is stopping you from falling in love, return to the mantra of being open, clear, and up front from the start. Now that all this is out of the way, you can start to fall in love and enjoy the journey to self-discovery that includes discovering someone else. Good luck leaving fear behind!Ads by Google


Tips: Remember that love is a multi-colored, many splendid thing that is hard to confine to one-box-fits-all or to a singular definition. It just may be that your problem is how you define love; change your perspective and you might just lose your fear. Love can creep up unawares, dressed in the clothing of friendship, a shared passion, a regular meet-up, a weekly conversation in the pub - it doesn't have to be anything spectacular or overwhelming and it can be as simple, or as complicated, as you want it to be. Maybe seeing it this way can lessen your fear of the amorphous, overly romanticized notion of love and help you to understand that at its most basic, love is companionship with somebody who means a great deal to you.

Warnings: No matter who it is, there is always a chance of being hurt, even if you eliminate the fear. Choose heartbreak over fear of heartbreak; choose doing over doing nothing. Be careful that you aren't mistaking "Love" for loneliness. Don't think you are putting someone in your heart, when all you really want is someone in your bed.

Other Writers and Their Words of Wisdom

Sometimes another writer can just write almost exactly how you are feeling. Sure, the story is their personal story and not all of what they are writing about pertains to you, but the story remains the same.

Today is one of those days that I feel like Chelsea from Chelsea Talks Smack when she wrote a post a few weeks ago entitled Self-sabotage, loving yourself and NOT BEING SO DAMN CRAZY. Brilliant!

Spit or Swallow?

I know the title got your attention, so I will not disappoint with the contents of the post.

I know that some people that read my blog will get a kick out of this and since it's written by a woman and it's pretty funny, I had to share. Not sure I agree with the title but whatever.

One of the Most Detested Sex Acts Is Good for Women

Posted by Jamye Waxman on June 17, 2011 at 6:41 PM

I've always been a swallower. As a child I swallowed anything the vacuum cleaner failed to pick up. Crayons. Paper. Nose boogers. Nothing felt dirty or wrong, even if the look on my mother's face told me otherwise. It wasn't until I starting give blowjobs that I thought about what I swallowed. I had given up breastmilk long before then, and the idea of swallowing something out of someone else's body felt odd. But, then anything feels strange until you get used to doing it.

There's a lot of chatter over the age old sex debate, to spit or swallow, but when it comes to decisions, this is an easy one. If you love your partner and can muster up enough strength to take one for the team, take one for the team. Not only do guys love it when women swallow -- something about the whole completion thing -- but there are actually measurable benefits to swallowing, too.

1. Semen can boost your mood. Sure, this study had to do with intercourse, but if the hormones in semen, mainly testosterone and estrogen, make women happy when they screw, why wouldn't they make women happy when they swallow? Going on that theory, swallowing can make you happier. So next time the kids are screaming for Sponge Bob, think about the benefits another type of bob. The head bob.

2. Semen does a body good, pass it on. That's right, semen may be a cure for sore throats and diabetes! The next time you eat too much sugar and worry about your insulin levels, balance it out with a little semen (and, of course, talk to your doctor). If you lose your voice shouting, protect your throat with semen. These are only some of the possible medical benefits for semen. I can only imagine what else science will uncover about swallowing. Perhaps it's the cure for world hunger?

3. Semen can taste good. Like french fries or fruit, it all depends on what he eats. When you're looking for a filling snack, why not a little love juice? It's high in protein and only 20 calories per teaspoon. And when he eats celery, cranberries, watermelon and drinks pineapple juice, he'll taste even juicer.

4. And for those who you can't get themselves to swallow, fear not. You should feel good knowing that a little semen on your face may do wonders for your skin. According to The Sexual Teachings of the White Tigress semen facials are good for you. And in her memoir, I'm Wild Again, even Helen Gurley Brown recommends the semen facial: "Spread semen over your face, [it's] probably full of protein as sperm can eventually become babies. Makes a fine mask — and he'll be pleased."

Do you prefer to spit or swallow?

About the author

Jamye Waxman M.Ed is a sex educator and writer who loves to cuddle. She believes that intimacy takes work but should be fun, and communication is the key. She's also a TMI kind of girl.

Have a nice day! :)

Monday Mess

Do you ever have those days where you just can't seem to get rid of that, I'm pissed off at the world edge? You know, when you wake up and you feel like you didn't sleep at all. Where you sit at your desk and stare at the computer, aimlessly going through the motions of "work". By 1pm your eyes are burning and still red from exhaustion. You try to drink some caffeine or go smoke (for those of us in the world that still do) but nothing seems to remove that nasty "I want to punch something" grip that is on your day.

Then, you try to sit down and write about it and everything comes out a mess and makes no real sense. Then you end up with some damn post like this one.

There are about ten different reasons why I'm not in a good mood today, and I don't want to talk about any of them. Here are some random thoughts that keeps racing back and forth.

The answer is NO.
What the hell am I doing?
How am I going to make that happen?
Should I be doing this?
What am I thinking?
How the hell am I going to pay that?
I don't want to. I don't need to. And I'm not going to.


Monday is a MESS.

Wordless Wednesday

How I feel in pictures

50 Is My Favorite Number

"There comes a time in every life when the world gets quiet and the only thing left is your heart." — Sarah Dessen

Check, 1, 2, 3...Is anyone out there.

Well hello. WAVING FRANTICALLY.

What a month.

I went on a work trip in April and had an amazing time. Then I went on another trip just last week and was hiding in the inner rooms of a hotel and a training center on two separate occassions while tornado sirens were going off outside. GOOD TIMES.

Lots of things going on. A promotion at work. YAY ME! A new car. Someone who makes me smile. And just life being great.

I have two trips coming up. Both personal and I can't wait. My second trip cannot possibly get here fast enough. I am almost crawling out of my skin for it to get here.

Oh yeah, and I am smiling. A lot. I mean a lot alot.

Should Have

And There You Have It

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Interesting

Hmmm...you don't say.


Inside women's sexual brains, preferences and porn

Men everywhere have probably wondered for thousands of years: What turns women on?

In the age of the Internet, it's possible to find out. And with countless genres of images, videos and erotic stories available online, women are both able and empowered to access arousing material, and figure out for themselves what they like. Some are watching porn, as our sex columnist Ian Kerner pointed out in a recent column.

But what women are viewing and reading is usually not what men are searching for, according to a new book on the subject. In "A Billion Wicked Thoughts," released Thursday, neuroscientists Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam combine web searches, personal search histories, websites, and classified ads with insights from brain science to discover precisely how different women are from men.

Just like we're all born with taste cues - sweet, salty, savory, spicy, bitter - men and women's brains are wired with sexual cues, Ogas said. For men, the cues are predominantly visual, and aimed at the partner; they often enjoy seeing women orgasm, which may be one of the reasons why so many women fake. But women are more complex; they place a high importance on feeling desired, for example, whereas it appears men generally don't need to feel desired at all in order to feel aroused.

"A woman wants to know that there’s going to be repeat action, that he’s committed and is going to be coming back," Ogas said.

Women are sexually complex in other important ways. If a man is physically turned on, he's also psychologically turned on, which is why medications for erectile dysfunction (i.e. Viagra) can deliver fairly straightforward results. But a woman can be physically turned on and mentally turned off at the very same time, making efforts toward a treatment for low female sexual desire all the more complicated. And as to what makes a woman go beyond mere arousal and have sex, you'll have to read this other article.

The female sexual brain is also like a “detective agency” that investigates a man’s many qualities before deciding whether he’s worth her attention, the authors said. Evolutionarily, that makes sense. In the earliest days of humans, females who mated with the first males they encountered would not have fared as well as those who took the time to investigate their partners a little more. The "detective agency" would make sure that the chosen male would not be cruel, unfaithful or sneaky, would protect the woman and her child.

More important than evolution, though, is the "software" of the sexual brain, Ogas and Gaddam said.

Again, men are simple: The male brain is designed so that any stimulus can trigger arousal. For some, a single cue is necessary and sufficient, which is what makes a fetish, well, a fetish. For instance, some men get turned on in the presence of attractive shoes or feet, and need to see that in order to feel stimulated. On the other hand, fetishes are extremely rare among women. The female brain usually doesn't respond to a single trigger every time; there can be lots of different combinations of things that can get them in the mood.

"The male sexual brain is like a single toggle switch, whereas the female sexual brain is like the cockpit of an F1 fighter jet," Gaddam said. "There are tons of dials and instruments, and there's sophisticated calibration going on."

To fully appreciate this, feast your eyes on these two real search histories from America Online users:

MAN: college cheerleaders; cheerleaders in Hawaii; pics of bikinis and girls; pretty girls in bikinis; girls suntanning in bikinis; college cheerleader pics in bikinis; noooooooo; christian advice on lust

WOMAN: orlando bloom as vampire fanfiction; 321 sex chat; kingdom of heaven fanfiction; cinderella wedding dresses; gossip on orlando bloom; legolas erotica; legolas heterosexual erotica; evil orlando bloom dark fanfiction

As you can see, this woman tends to prefer stories ("fanfiction," or narratives based on existing movies/TV/literature) much more than the man, who searches for specific images. The majority of these stories are romantic and lightly erotic, but plenty of women like graphic erotic stories, too. In the search above you can see this one gal is particularly interested in Legolas from "Lord of the Rings" and the actor who portrays him: Orlando Bloom. And there's a lot of conversation that goes on among women about erotic stories about the inner feelings of the characters, whereas men consume porn alone and don't talk about the aesthetics, Gaddam said.

"Male erotica is a solitary enterprise, and female erotica is a social enterprise," Ogas said.

A minority of women do watch visual porn. Based on analyses of user profiles on a porn website, these ladies tend to be more socially aggressive, comfortable taking risks, and open to bisexual experiences. They also tend to have a higher sex drive.

And while many men do seek out porn involving young women, there's a substantial interest in seeing scantily clad (or not clad at all) older women too. Significant numbers of web searches and websites out there are devoted to women in their 40s, 50s, 60s. There's even a genre called "granny porn," with a consistent following, in which the male performer's age is highly variable. It's hard to know how old the men are who are seeking this class of erotica, but the authors speculate they come from a wide range of ages, since men's sexual interests are pretty solid by age 25. Women, on the other hand, have much more flexible and dynamic interests during a lifetime.

What about homosexuality? The authors compared gay and straight male sexuality, and found they were strikingly similar. The differences: gay men like men, and are more likely to be aroused by the submissive role in sex than straight men. Lesbians are far more complicated, and Ogas and Gaddam don't think they have enough information to make any definitive comparisons about it.

The authors don't take any moral positions on any of this, but they do point out that individual tastes and preferences are difficult or impossible to modify. Yet everyone assumes their own interests are the norm, and we quickly label anything else as weird or even dangerous, Gaddam said.

"We should all be more sexually tolerant," Ogas said.