Mother Dearest

You know what, I don't know what your problem is lately but I am sick of your attitude.

I cannot believe you had the audacity to write me what you did. Have you lost your entire mind?

Your lack of concern or respect for me lately saddens me and infuriates me at the same time.

Today is not the day. I tried to refrain from responding to you, but the lack of caffeine, nicotine, good food, and the lack of sleep topped off by your horrific monthly timing, makes today a bad day for most people, you are no exception.

What have you done with my Mother? I want her back. Unless I have been blind for the last 34 years and this is who you really are? If so, I feel like I have no idea who raised me, it wasn't you.

I Need It

I need a Dr. Pepper like I need a computer to do my job.

I don't drink coffee or diet drinks. I can't stand the taste of them. I don't have a headache from the lack of caffeine, I am just going through withdrawals.

I think about Dr. Pepper every second. I crave the taste. I try to convince myself that just a little taste will do. I know it will not, I will want the whole bottle.

I drink 96+ ounces of water day. I should be able to have just one little ole Dr. Pepper.

At this point, I am willing to without food for a Dr. Pepper. It has been almost 3 days since I have tasted the sweet nectar of the Gods.

I need it.

****Can I get a hell yeah? Not for the redneck women, but for the $200.00 mistake (in my favor) I found in my check book. I balance my check book EVERYDAY, yet somehow missed this. That's what I get for paying a ton of crap off. ****

Well That Settles That

So I just read "The vice presidential buzz is circling around Gov. Tim Kaine, but the Virginia Democrat refused to address the speculation Tuesday."

Ughhh...I am a registered Republican. I have long since voted issue not party. I have been very, very torn this election season. I'm not a McCain fan, nor am I an Obama fan.


I've found it very hard hard to agree with the platforms of people these days because there are some major issues that I feel very strongly about.

One of my major issues now is, I think the Governor of Virginia Tim Kaine sucks out loud.

Word of the Day:

Pusillanimous: \pyoo-suh-LAN-uh-muhs\, adjective : Lacking in courage and resolution; contemptibly fearful; cowardly.

I've known many pusillanimous men in my lifetime.

Oh yeah, Bennigan's, Steak & Ale filed for bankruptcy. I used to work at a Bennigan's back in the day. I loved that place. I miss those people sometimes. I met LOTS of celebs there. What a sad day! RIP Bennigan's.

Do You Even Know Me?

Hear Ye, Hear Ye...

I do not believe in abortion. If you want to do it, whatever. Don't expect me to talk to you or be your friend afterwards. Sounds harsh. Oh effing well. That's just who I am.

I am not going to stand on a street corner and scream obscenities at you and I am not going to lecture you. I will simply state that I do not agree with your decision (*extreme circumstances are different*).

Just because you are not "where you want to be in life" and "don't want to be a single mother", or whatever the effing excuse is, it doesn't give you the right to spread your legs and create a child. Protection. Use it. For the love of everything holy or even unholy.

Yes, I know that certain people get pregnant on birth control and condoms break. I am not an idiot. My philosophy is, "if you are grown up enough to have sex, then you are grown up enough to pay the consequences."

This isn't even for the young teenagers. It's for the woman who have edcuations, careers and many other things and choose not to keep their child and use statements such as "there is NO WAY I could have this baby."

There is a way. There are plenty of ways.

*Stepping off of soapbox*

Priceless

Winery Adventures…..

1. Driving in circles….check!

2. Stopping at the Redneck Macy's AKA Wal-Mart to buy a GPS…..check!

3. Making it to the winery….check!

4. Wine tasting….check!

5. Buying 7 bottles of wine….check!

6. Buying Brie, proscuitto, bread, water, and ANOTHER cutting board and knife….check!

7. Meeting old couple that wants to set up V with 25 year old, hot son….check!

8. Having old couple buy us wine….check!

9. Making fun of wanna be "Hills" stars at Vineyard….check! (Dude, take off your sunglasses inside…really!!)

10. Pictures of old places….check!

11. Shopping at Amish store…buying Hug Heinie wine….check!

12. Shopping at British Pantry…more pictures….check!

13. Falling in love with the taste of warm crotch water….check!

14. Putting on fresh deodorant on Rte. 28…check!!

15. Drunk dialing Mario….check!

16. Calling C because she's our Internet whore, but she doesn't answer….check!

17. Driving and starving….check!

18. Eating crustaceans and rehydrating….check!

19. Shopping at Target at 2100….check!2

0. Driving home and passing out….check!

21. A winery day with Mel & V-dog….PRICELESS!!

There's Rice In My Bra

I'm glad that I am the only one in my office right now. It seems that my stomach was starting to turn on me and I needed food quick like. So what do I do??? I order Chinese.

I have been craving Chinese food lately like it's my job. I almost kissed that little man when he handed me my food.

I rushed up the stairs and became angry that I work in a place we have to scan through doors. I lost precious food bonding moments.

Once at my desk, I ripped the bag open to find my order of crab rangoon. AKA heaven to me. Then I opened the styrofoam container and it almost had a light beaming from it as if I had hit the mother load. Orange chicken and fried rice. DROOL.

Let's not forget the sugar donuts. Those little fried sugar coasted drops of heaven speak for themselves.

I had to stop halfway between my chowdown fest, again, losing precious moments of food bonding. It seems that my fork wasn't a big enough shovel and along the way I lost all kinds of manners and was leaned over the container shoveling food in my mouth. Rice fell down my shirt and into my bra WHAT? I had to stand up and shake it out.

Classy.

Golf Shoes and Tylenol

Yeah so, V and I went to drink Blueberry Martinis last night. I had two.

We then left to go to another place where I drank something called a push pop and a Raspberry Lemonade.

We weren't done yet. We ended up at old faithful and had another push pop from Shot Boy Robbie (this guy always buys shots) and another drink.

I'm not feeling bad this morning I just need a little sleep and water. The tylenol that I discovered in my first aid kit I keep in my desk drawer was a savior. Hope no one really needs tylenol anytime soon.

At 8am E called me and asked me if he could spend $90.00 on golf shoes. 1) He really doesn't golf. He's just out of town for a tournament for something else and all of the guys are playing golf today. 2) Golf shoes??? Really. Are you going to use them? 3) Are golf shoes necessary? And why do they cost $90.00?

I need a nap.

I Live In A Pineapple Above The Sea

Why? How? When? What? Who? Where?


Why Is It That:

*Every time a Cop gets behind you or in front of you for that fact, knowing how to drive is no longer an option, and you automatically assume the, I’m going to get pulled over position?

*You never have just ONE lighter? You either can't find one to save your life, OR you have enough to supply the entire neighborhood.

How?

*Do FEMALES pee on a toilet seat? When they hover.. DON’T move before you wipe…Seriously.

*Did some people graduate High School, and to this day, not be able to pass a second grade spelling test?

*Do I miss a section on my knee, every time? Dry shaving after the fact sucks.

* Do I lose a million strands of hair each day, and still manage to have a FULL head of hair?

When?

*Did guys start thinking that it was ok to go to the bathroom together?

*Did the Seasons in Virginia all start meshing together? 80 degrees in December and 40 degrees in May.

*Did I start being able to function properly off of 15 hours of sleep... FOR the WEEK?

*Did fake breasts, fake nails, fake hair, fake personalities become hot?

*Did it become ok to wear socks during sex? Seriously?

What?

*Is REALLY in a Slim Jim? Furthermore, how the do you 'snap into one’?

*Difference does it make, if you have 4 channels, or 500? Regardless, nothing is EVER on TV.

*Did drama become a hobby? Better yet… when did it become a necessity?

Who?

*Came up with the idea to put rice in salt shakers? What could of made someone be like.. ' DUDE!!! I bet if you put rice in the salt, it won’t clump together!!

*Decided to make Spongebob live in a damn pineapple? There are no PINEAPPLES in the sea! What if he didn't want the smell of fruit all up in his nostrils every morning? You know fruit juice makes a sponge SWELL up… and above and beyond that.. Who decided that having a SPONGE live in water was a good idea? It’s a SPONGE! Don’t you think he might need to decrease his water intake ???

Where?

* Did I leave My Sanity- *Reward If Found*

Someone Should

Seems to be the theme of the day.

I drove my dear dog to pet care this morning and no one was there. To say that I was livid is quite an understatement. Especially when I had to drive all the way back home to drop her off which made me late for work. SOMEONE SHOULD have been there. SOMEONE SHOULD have answered the phone. SOMEONE SHOULD have posted something if they weren't going to be there.

Yesterday at 3:30 it was 89 degrees in my office. WTF? There was a heat index of stupid and the temperature was hell like. SOMEONE SHOULD fix our damned air conditioning.

The parking situation where I work is horrendous. I shouldn't have to walk 1/2 of a mile in 100 degree heat to get to my office. Give us more parking. SOMEONE SHOULD.

That woman that lives in CA. She needs to get off of her stupid whorish, ignorant bitch kick and sign the effing papers before I fly to CA and kick her nasty ass. Atleast SOMEONE SHOULD.

E is out of town all weekend. I've already convinced all of my friends to have a girls weekend. SOMEONE SHOULD thank me.

I didn't know this man, but he was a great friend and brother in arms of my fiances best friend. Staff Sgt. Danny P. Dupre, 28, of Lockport, La., died July 15 from wounds sustained while supporting combat operations in Al Anbar province, Iraq. He was assigned to 1st Battalion, 9th Marines, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C. Thank a Veteran for your freedom. SOMEONE SHOULD.

Quote of the day: However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results. - Winston Churchill SOMEONE SHOULD.

Little Drummer Boys

Please stop having band practice in my head. I'm sorry that I woke you up on a Monday night. I know that it was completely inappropriate of me to drink those drinks.

Could you please go back to sleep just for a few more days?

I have too many things to make sure I take care of to have you banging away. I gave you food, water, caffeine and medicine.

What more you want from me? Sleep is not an option right now. PLEASE I beg you.

*On a side note* I read this today on a friends e-mail: "If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?"

Hey You, Stupid

Dickhead.

It is not okay to call me sweetie and smack me on the ass when I walk away.

Nor is it okay to think that because I am working in a bar that I have only 2 brain cells.

I am here to make a little extra cashola to party my little bit of free time away.

I have a college education and work two jobs because I CAN and because I want to.

Don't be jealous that I make more money than you. I'm smarter than you. Or I atleast have more class in my pinky toe than you have in that steroid ridden body of yours.

Hello, you are in the town I currently live in. Look around. Not to fabulous is it? HOWEVER, I do live within 45 minutes (on a good traffic day) of our Nations Capital. And Just because you think that you look better than most of the guys around this town, (which isn't hard to do) doesn't give you the right to act as if your are King Henry VIII and can have anything you want. Do you even know who King Henry the VIII is? Or why I refered to him? Probably not.

Oh...and don't go getting your dumb ass little pathetic feelings hurt when I tell you about yourself, or the lack thereof. If you are going to ack like a dickhead then I am going to treat you as such.

And FYI, you might want to ask around about people before you decide to talk smack to the girl in the bar who in the past was known as the leader of the Manhaters and often times has to remind inept fucktards such as yourself that hell hath no fury like a liberated woman whom you have just tried to treat as if she should be barefoot in the kitchen saying "yes dear" and sucking your dick on command. I enjoy shutting down the rantings of mindless egotistical wastes of space.

Spiraling

My fingers sit on the keys
restlessly tapping
impatiently waiting
for the emotions to pour from them.

Searching for relief...
From...the pain
Anger
Frustration

So many things to write,

Yet unable to put anything into words.

Tears fight to escape my eyes.

Stubborness pushes them back into hiding.

I want to scream out in rage.

Rage out in pure disgust.

I want to lay in the arms of my Mother and weep like a child.

Today is like a kite plumenting to the earth

Out of control Wildly

Spiraling

Half Mast

Sgt. Merlin German, 22 of Manhattan, N.Y., died April 11 at Brooke Army Medical Center, San Antonio, Texas, from wounds he suffered while conducting combat operations in Al Anbar province, Iraq, on Feb. 22, 2005. On February 20, 2005, an IED exploded underneath LCpl Merlin German's humvee in Fallujah. He was blown out of the turret but he was on fire. After some very brave Marines got to him and put the fire out on their buddy, Merlin was left with 3rd degree burns over 97% of his body. The soles of his feet and the top of his head were the only areas not burned. http://merlinsmiracles.com/

The headlines read with dramatic dread as the pundits shake their heads

Irreverently counting the cost asking how many more kids will be lost?

They should for a second pause and ease their concern over what they consider a lost cause.

They should stop wringing their hands and remember other times and distant lands.

A little history of the Corps they should learn,

They should read the stories of the greatest Marine whose equal few even in the Corps has seen.

Sergeant Dan Daly whose immortal words in polite company can't be heard

Who in the midst of Belleau Woods strife

told his Marines to consider the implications of eternal life

They should ask the youngest boot who's barely learned to salute

Why the stripe in his uniform is red commemorating the blood of the Corps honored dead.

Perhaps they should stand on Surabachis sacred mount

and lament the horrific body count and question

the price that was paid where uncommon valor was so clearly displayed.

Let them go to places with strange sounding names

like Chateau-Thierry, Soissons, St. Mihiel, and Muesu Argonne.

Let them gaze upon these hallowed places

Let them see the tears on old Leathernecks faces

Let them watch as The Proud and The Few in unchanged tradition pass in review.

Then let them try if they dare this current war to compare

and if for a moment after all they have seen believe

this noble cause is lost and not worth the horrible cost

let them try to tell it to a Marine.

Daddy

Tomorrow you will have been gone for 19 years.

It's hard to believe that you have been gone that long. I still miss you. At this time of the year the pain still feels so brand new.

I'm still sad that you weren't able to be there at my high school graduation.

You weren't able to see me walk across the stage to receive my college diploma.

You won't be there to walk me down the aisle when E and I get married.

I didn't grow up with you living in our house and I didn't get to see you that often but you were still my Daddy.

I cherished the moments we shared and I know that I was the light of your life.

You died the day after your oldest sons birthday.

I'm angry that you weren't able to put down the bottle. Weren't we worth living for?

I'm still hurt, sad and angry.

I still miss you like the 15 year old girl who lost her Daddy.

SECTION 60 SITE 8325

I found a story written about my friend Jason who was KIA on April 20, 2006. I wanted to post it in my blog so that I can always be reminded of what kind of heroes we have fighting for our country. There isn't a day that goes by that my heart does not ache for Jasons wife Mandy and their two daughters. Anyone who ever had the pleasure of meeting Jason was instantly a better person just for being in his presence. He truly was an amazing husband, father, friend, Marine, Son and so many other things. The world lost a hero on April 20, 2006. This is the link to the site I found the article: http://www.blackfive.net/main/2007/11/marine-staff-se.html

The title of this blog is Jasons grave marker in Arlington.

Sports Wench

I am a sports girl. I LOVE SPORTS.

However, today this journal entry is about the players form my hometown (Pensacola, Florida).

Pensacola has produced some pretty big named players and even some small named players. If you look at the high school teams playing around there now, they have some kids giving the college recruiters a tough time.

Now, my issue with talking to people about Pensacola is that the questions they ask me are: Isn't Emmitt Smith from there? Do you know him? Yes to both. I haven't seen Emmitt since 1994 though so I don't really "know" him anymore but I knew him then.

AND...Isn't that where Roy Jones Jr., is from? Do you know him? Yes again to both. I haven't seen Roy since about 1997 so I don't really "know" him anymore either.

With that out of the way, there are quite a few other athletes from my hometown. Some bigger than others.

Ever heard of Derrick Brooks? Yeah, he plays for Tampa Bay. He is from Pensacola. How come no one talks about him?

How about Fred Robbins? He plays for this years SuperBowl Championship Team THE NEW YORK GIANTS (my favorite NFL team) AND he graduated from the same high school as I did.

Reggie Evans plays for the Philadelphia 76ers. He previoulsy played for the Seattle SuperSonics (2002–2006) and the Denver Nuggets (2006-07). I went to the high school he graduated from for 6 months. That high school is no longer in existence.

Joe Durant won 4 PGA Tours.

Travis Fryman played for the Detroit Tigers and the Cleveland Indians. Another graduate of the same high school as me. As a matter of fact, the gym at that school is named after him.

Danny Wuerffel was born in Pensacola but went to FWB High School. He played for the Florida Gators (my favorite college team). Granted he fell apart in the NFL but hey. He is a Heisman Trophy winner and a National Championship Winner.

Jay Bell played for the Cleveland Indians (1986-88), Pittsburgh Pirates (1989-96), Kansas City Royals (1997), Arizona Diamondbacks (1998-2002) and New York Mets (2003). He is another graduate from the same high school as me.

Going a little futher back, we find Don Sutton. He was a pitcher for 23 years, playing for the Los Angeles Dodgers, Houston Astros, Milwaukee Brewers, Oakland Athletics, and California Angels. He is in the Baseball Hall of Fame and ANOTHER graduate of the same high school as me. So let's recap. We have football players, baseball players, a basketball player and a golfer. Go us! Let's not even get into the whole State of Florida because we will be here for days on end.

Chainsaws and Rollercoasters

I pride myself on being able to write funny stuff from time to time. Even if that stuff is written in a MySpace bulletin format.



1. What is in the back seat of your car right now? Chain saw, trash bags, rope, shovel, blah blah blah.

2. When was the last time you threw up I don't throw up. You shut up.

3. What's your favorite curse word? Good girls don't curse. Shame on you for thinking so.

4. Name 3 people who made you smile today? Me, Myself and I. HEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYY...

5. What were you doing at 8 am this morning? That is an ungodly hour to speak of on a Saturday morning. Especially to those of us that work 2 jobs. Whatever.

6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Judging my boss' cartwheel technique.

7. What will you be doing 3 hours from now? Layin it down on the flip side.

8. Have you ever been to a strip club? Yes. It's amazing the skills those girls have. I guarantee they will be the future leaders of America. They hold the true moral values that our country should be founded upon.

9. What is the last thing you said aloud? You're so fine, you blow my mind, how bout I hit it from behind?

10. What is the best ice cream flavor? Bubble gum...u get free gum, c'mon!

11. What was the last thing you had to drink? Not telling. 'Cause you can't have none.

12. What are you wearing right now? White turtle neck, dark green vest, pink camisole, white bra with matching panties (grrr), red leggings, black pants, blue suspenders, black knee high socks, white knee pads, yellow sweatband, purple ring pop, red fruit roll-up earrings (made them myself), aluminum foil grill, neon green scrunchie.

13. What was the last thing you ate? Food. Interesting concept huh?

14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? Pocket protector. I'm pretty stoked about it.

15. When was the last time you ran? Last week when they had a prostitution ring bust in my neighborhood.

16. What's the last sporting event you watched? Dodgeball.

17. Have you been drinking? No officer. I am am the designated driver.

18. Who is the last person you emailed? Your mom.

19. Ever go camping? Around here, we call it livin.

20. Do you have a tan? Why's it always gotta be a tan thing?

21. Are you mad? Like Britney Spears mad?

22. What kind of car do you drive? Whatever kind the John that pays the most is driving.

23. What is today? It's ummmm...wait...what? Ummm...where am I?

24. Do you drink your soda from a straw? If I'm at a fancy sit-down restaurant. But that's only once every couple of years or so....

25. What did your last IM say? The body is buried in the backyard, if you talk, I kill you.

26. Are you someone's best friend? Hellz yeah I am. The Johns lost to tell me whatever I want them to.

27. What are you doing tomorrow? Even street walkers have to rest.

28. Where is your mom right now? Wouldn't you like to know.

29. Look to your left, what do you see? The street sign. Sooo exciting! Take it off!

30. What color is your watch? Don't got no watch. I'm a rebel.

31. What do you think of when you think of Australia ? My Aunt, Uncle and cousins cookin somethin on the bar-bie!

32. Would you consider plastic surgery? Sometimes I think about it and I'm like, "well maybe just a little here or there" then I see someone later in life who had it done years ago and they look disgusting and I realize that I'd rather just diet and work out really hard and make good with what I got. Nothin a little tissue can't fix.

33. What is your birthstone? Skulls and Crossbones

34. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit thedrive thru? Drive thru so I can peg the cashier woman in the head with a penny.

35.How many kids do you want? Can my man count as all that I want?

36. Do you have a dog? Yes. And she can kick your dogs butt.

37. Last person you talked to on the phone? My pimp.

38. Have you met anyone famous? I am famous....for being amazing. What what.

39. Any plans today? Just filling this out and then skidaddling to bed. (I know you love that I brought out the skiddaddle, really, how long has it been since you've heard that one?).

40. How many states have you lived in? Notchyos.

41. Ever go to college? School of the hard knocks NOVA DAME. Oh and an accredited one too.

42. Where are you right now? Hello. Obvious. Like...duh.

43. Biggest annoyance in your life right now? Lack of sleepizzle fo shizzle.

44. Last song listened to? If you stand on it...we stand behinnnnnnnnd it!

45. Where were you 6 hours ago? I have an alibi, I swear.

46. Are you allergic to anything? Dumb drunk men at the bar. Ick...

47. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? My bo bos. Walmart special yo.

48. Are you jealous of anyone? Nah brah.

49. Are you in love? How much are you paying?

50. Is anyone jealous of you? Probably, there are many haters out there.

51. What time is it? You tell me. I ain't got not watch, remember?

*52. Do any of your friends have children? Yes, but we don't talk about their boyfriends like that.

53. Do you eat healthy? Define healthy.

54. What do you usually do during the day? Square dance, play jenga, and do a little break dancing.

55. Do you hate anyone right now? No...got only love for yas.

56. Do you use the word 'hello' daily? And howdy...can't forget howdy.

57. Ever been in the military? My DD-214 says I was.

58. How old will you be turning on your next birthday? How old are you looking for?

59. Have you ever been to Six Flags? Nah, I just ride real fast around corners through Northeast DC. Same thing. Ghetto rollerocaster.

I'm A Giant

GO GIANTS! I am so freaking happy. I ran around screaming so much that my throat hurts this morning. I am exhausted and slightly hungover sitting at my desk, but it was worth it. I the G-Men. I love that Tom Brady ate grass many times last night. WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!

NO NO NO

AND I QUOTE: "...Hillary Clinton has always been a strong woman and a passionate protector of families. For 35 years, that’s exactly what she has been doing."

Even worse than the quote is who said it. Maya Angelou. Seriously. I am losing all kinds of respect for so many people who I once thought had a brain in their head. "...a passionate proctector of families." REALLY? Hmm...let me see. Hey little girls out there. It's okay to grow up and get married and allow your husband to get his dick sucked by some other woman and have sex with her too because that's the way men should treat women. Now go and elect me as leader of the free world because I have family values. Can't you tell?

Give me an effing break. Hillary is worthless. Always has been and always will be. I hate Bill Clinton too. Always have and always will. I would rather vote for Mickey Mouse than to vote for her.

A Grammar Smackdown

Todays grammar lesson is about the use of i.e and e.g: When you mean "for example," use e.g. It is an abbreviation for the Latin phrase exempli gratia. When you mean "that is," use "i.e." It is an abbreviation for the Latin phrase id est. Either can be used to clarify a preceding statement, the first by example, the second by restating the idea more clearly or expanding upon it. Because these uses are so similar, the two abbreviations are easily confused. If you just stick with good old English "for example" and "that is" you won't give anyone a chance to sneer at you. If you insist on using the abbreviation, perhaps "example given" will remind you to use "e.g.," while "in effect" suggests "I.E."