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Some Say It's For Lovers, United States

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Missing Her

It's hard to believe that it has been almost 7 months since I said goodbye to my Mom. When people say "there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about her", truer words have never been spoken. Often times I am reduced to tears just thinking about her and wishing I could hear her voice. My mind plays vicious tricks on me and presents vivid images of her laying in a hospital bed or how her hand felt in mine as she took her last breath. I miss her just as much and I did as I sat there in the chair beside her praying that she wouldn't go.

If and when you lose your mother, these are the things you'll miss about her most.

1. You'll miss buying your mom a really nice present after traveling overseas. If anyone would appreciate a gift from my travels, it would be her. And if anyone deserved a special gift, it was her. I can picture her saying, "My daughter bought this for me in..."

2. You'll miss asking your mother questions about your childhood.

3. You'll miss hearing your mother tell you, in her own way, that you're amazing. Because no matter how much you doubt yourself, she never did.

4. You'll miss having someone you trust (really trust) and having someone there when you came home from work, who cleaned your house cleaner than when you left.

5. You'll miss her sarcastic humor, especially hearing her say things like, "I've got a lot of problems and that ain't one of them.'

6. You'll miss her emails. All those annoying forwards.

7. You'll miss seeing her handwriting in cards, notes, and lists. It was the most perfect, neat handwriting anyone had ever seen.

8. You'll miss her likes on Facebook.

9. You'll miss seeing the bravery she pulled from God knows where when told, in so many words, "I have a lesion on my liver." And you'll miss her trying to make the conversation all about the banal things going on in your life while pretending nothing was wrong.

10. You'll miss her criticizing you to your face, but bragging about you behind your back.

11. You'll miss getting to appreciate her a little more when something bad happens to someone else, not you.

12. My mom could be a tough-as-nails hard-ass when she wanted to be, but she was also a therapist and always knew the right way to tell me how to manage friend drama and dating troubles.

13. Her driving: My mom was the only person I knew who was a worse driver than I am now. I totally miss her being here to make me look good.

I could list so many other things that I miss and I will miss in the years to come. Right now, I miss everything.