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Some Say It's For Lovers, United States

Monday, February 14, 2011

Cupid is Stupid

I don't love me. There I admitted it. I mean, I like me and I like all kinds of things about me, but I don't love me. I'm working on that though. List is made. Plan is in motion. I've got a job to do.

For far too long, I allowed myself to try to find self validation by making others feel good. I married a man that didn't love me. I mean sure, I thought he did when I married him. I mean he said he did so he had to have right? Yeah well, we all know how that is ending.

There's nothing like making you love yourself like being married to someone who made you hate what little bit you did like about yourself in the first place. And then walks away to go be with another woman. HELLO, kick to the stomach of my self esteem CHECK.

I'm that smart, pretty, successfull, funny, educated all around girl. I can go anywhere and start a conversation or hold my own in most games and in most environments, whether it is in heels, boots or tennis shoes. I know all these things about myself but yet I still allow people who don't deserve me to be a part of my life. HEY SELF. Get a clue. A big clue. Like Colonel Mustard in the study with the candlestick kind of clue.

Today. I think cupid is stupid. BUT most of us have our own arrows and sit and shoot them until we hit something. Never paying attention to why we might have missed our target the first couple of times. Because you are shooting at the wrong target. HELLO.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

I Don't

I don't hope like I used to
I don't dream like I once did

Trust is not in my vocabulary
Love is only in fairy tales

Sometimes I get lost along the way
Staring out across the horizon

Only to find myself
Taking a step back

My hopes and dreams
Picked apart
By my emotions of the past

There are moments when my heart flutters
When tears of joy spring into my eyes
But then
through a tiny crack
doubt creeps in

Doubts rapidly invade my mind
No question is left unasked
Walls go up
around my heart
I’m suffocating, I can’t breathe

My mind races, my heart aches
My needs and wants are confused
I am my own worst enemy

I struggle and pull
I push and fight
I scream inside

Silently impatient
Waiting on a change
Restless with emotion
Angered by the pain