I don't hope like I used to
I don't dream like I once did
Trust is not in my vocabulary
Love is only in fairy tales
Sometimes I get lost along the way
Staring out across the horizon
Hopeful
Only to find myself
Taking a step back
Afraid
My hopes and dreams
Picked apart
By my emotions of the past
There are moments when my heart flutters
When tears of joy spring into my eyes
But then
through a tiny crack
doubt creeps in
Doubts rapidly invade my mind
No question is left unasked
Walls go up
around my heart
I’m suffocating, I can’t breathe
My mind races, my heart aches
My needs and wants are confused
I am my own worst enemy
I struggle and pull
I push and fight
I scream inside
Silently impatient
Waiting on a change
Restless with emotion
Angered by the pain
1 comment:
It will get better. Hang in there.
I was once married too and one day my XH told me he didn't want to be married anymore. To say I was shocked would be a complete understatement. Just like that, 7 years of our lives together was over. I was 27. It felt so surreal.
Honestly, I still don't get it and I struggle at times with some of the wounds it left, but overall, I'm ok. I stopped missing HIM a long time ago...it will come in time.
Are you in therapy? I know it's cliche, but honestly, I really should have gone to a therapist myself. I just hurt so much for so long and beat myself up over it (and got so lost in the "whys"). I took too long to start healing.
I am so sorry for the pain you are going through right now. It totally blows what he did and there is no sugar coating it. But you are a good person and you deserve love and happiness. Don't let him take away your light.
It will get better. Take it one day at a time.
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