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Some Say It's For Lovers, United States

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Mother Dearest

You know what, I don't know what your problem is lately but I am sick of your attitude.

I cannot believe you had the audacity to write me what you did. Have you lost your entire mind?

Your lack of concern or respect for me lately saddens me and infuriates me at the same time.

Today is not the day. I tried to refrain from responding to you, but the lack of caffeine, nicotine, good food, and the lack of sleep topped off by your horrific monthly timing, makes today a bad day for most people, you are no exception.

What have you done with my Mother? I want her back. Unless I have been blind for the last 34 years and this is who you really are? If so, I feel like I have no idea who raised me, it wasn't you.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

I Need It

I need a Dr. Pepper like I need a computer to do my job.

I don't drink coffee or diet drinks. I can't stand the taste of them. I don't have a headache from the lack of caffeine, I am just going through withdrawals.

I think about Dr. Pepper every second. I crave the taste. I try to convince myself that just a little taste will do. I know it will not, I will want the whole bottle.

I drink 96+ ounces of water day. I should be able to have just one little ole Dr. Pepper.

At this point, I am willing to without food for a Dr. Pepper. It has been almost 3 days since I have tasted the sweet nectar of the Gods.

I need it.

****Can I get a hell yeah? Not for the redneck women, but for the $200.00 mistake (in my favor) I found in my check book. I balance my check book EVERYDAY, yet somehow missed this. That's what I get for paying a ton of crap off. ****

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Well That Settles That

So I just read "The vice presidential buzz is circling around Gov. Tim Kaine, but the Virginia Democrat refused to address the speculation Tuesday."

Ughhh...I am a registered Republican. I have long since voted issue not party. I have been very, very torn this election season. I'm not a McCain fan, nor am I an Obama fan.

I've found it very hard hard to agree with the platforms of people these days because there are some major issues that I feel very strongly about.

One of my major issues now is, I think the Governor of Virginia Tim Kaine sucks out loud.

Word of the Day:

Pusillanimous: \pyoo-suh-LAN-uh-muhs\, adjective : Lacking in courage and resolution; contemptibly fearful; cowardly.

I've known many pusillanimous men in my lifetime.

Oh yeah, Bennigan's, Steak & Ale filed for bankruptcy. I used to work at a Bennigan's back in the day. I loved that place. I miss those people sometimes. I met LOTS of celebs there. What a sad day! RIP Bennigan's.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Do You Even Know Me?

Hear Ye, Hear Ye...

I do not believe in abortion. If you want to do it, whatever. Don't expect me to talk to you or be your friend afterwards. Sounds harsh. Oh effing well. That's just who I am.

I am not going to stand on a street corner and scream obscenities at you and I am not going to lecture you. I will simply state that I do not agree with your decision (*extreme circumstances are different*).

Just because you are not "where you want to be in life" and "don't want to be a single mother", or whatever the effing excuse is, it doesn't give you the right to spread your legs and create a child. Protection. Use it. For the love of everything holy or even unholy.

Yes, I know that certain people get pregnant on birth control and condoms break. I am not an idiot. My philosophy is, "if you are grown up enough to have sex, then you are grown up enough to pay the consequences."

This isn't even for the young teenagers. It's for the woman who have edcuations, careers and many other things and choose not to keep their child and use statements such as "there is NO WAY I could have this baby."

There is a way. There are plenty of ways.

*Stepping off of soapbox*

Sunday, July 27, 2008


Winery Adventures…..

1. Driving in circles….check!

2. Stopping at the Redneck Macy's AKA Wal-Mart to buy a GPS…..check!

3. Making it to the winery….check!

4. Wine tasting….check!

5. Buying 7 bottles of wine….check!

6. Buying Brie, proscuitto, bread, water, and ANOTHER cutting board and knife….check!

7. Meeting old couple that wants to set up V with 25 year old, hot son….check!

8. Having old couple buy us wine….check!

9. Making fun of wanna be "Hills" stars at Vineyard….check! (Dude, take off your sunglasses inside…really!!)

10. Pictures of old places….check!

11. Shopping at Amish store…buying Hug Heinie wine….check!

12. Shopping at British Pantry…more pictures….check!

13. Falling in love with the taste of warm crotch water….check!

14. Putting on fresh deodorant on Rte. 28…check!!

15. Drunk dialing Mario….check!

16. Calling C because she's our Internet whore, but she doesn't answer….check!

17. Driving and starving….check!

18. Eating crustaceans and rehydrating….check!

19. Shopping at Target at 2100….check!2

0. Driving home and passing out….check!

21. A winery day with Mel & V-dog….PRICELESS!!

Friday, July 25, 2008

There's Rice In My Bra

I'm glad that I am the only one in my office right now. It seems that my stomach was starting to turn on me and I needed food quick like. So what do I do??? I order Chinese.

I have been craving Chinese food lately like it's my job. I almost kissed that little man when he handed me my food.

I rushed up the stairs and became angry that I work in a place we have to scan through doors. I lost precious food bonding moments.

Once at my desk, I ripped the bag open to find my order of crab rangoon. AKA heaven to me. Then I opened the styrofoam container and it almost had a light beaming from it as if I had hit the mother load. Orange chicken and fried rice. DROOL.

Let's not forget the sugar donuts. Those little fried sugar coasted drops of heaven speak for themselves.

I had to stop halfway between my chowdown fest, again, losing precious moments of food bonding. It seems that my fork wasn't a big enough shovel and along the way I lost all kinds of manners and was leaned over the container shoveling food in my mouth. Rice fell down my shirt and into my bra WHAT? I had to stand up and shake it out.


Golf Shoes and Tylenol

Yeah so, V and I went to drink Blueberry Martinis last night. I had two.

We then left to go to another place where I drank something called a push pop and a Raspberry Lemonade.

We weren't done yet. We ended up at old faithful and had another push pop from Shot Boy Robbie (this guy always buys shots) and another drink.

I'm not feeling bad this morning I just need a little sleep and water. The tylenol that I discovered in my first aid kit I keep in my desk drawer was a savior. Hope no one really needs tylenol anytime soon.

At 8am E called me and asked me if he could spend $90.00 on golf shoes. 1) He really doesn't golf. He's just out of town for a tournament for something else and all of the guys are playing golf today. 2) Golf shoes??? Really. Are you going to use them? 3) Are golf shoes necessary? And why do they cost $90.00?

I need a nap.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

I Live In A Pineapple Above The Sea

Why? How? When? What? Who? Where?

Why Is It That:

*Every time a Cop gets behind you or in front of you for that fact, knowing how to drive is no longer an option, and you automatically assume the, I’m going to get pulled over position?

*You never have just ONE lighter? You either can't find one to save your life, OR you have enough to supply the entire neighborhood.


*Do FEMALES pee on a toilet seat? When they hover.. DON’T move before you wipe…Seriously.

*Did some people graduate High School, and to this day, not be able to pass a second grade spelling test?

*Do I miss a section on my knee, every time? Dry shaving after the fact sucks.

* Do I lose a million strands of hair each day, and still manage to have a FULL head of hair?


*Did guys start thinking that it was ok to go to the bathroom together?

*Did the Seasons in Virginia all start meshing together? 80 degrees in December and 40 degrees in May.

*Did I start being able to function properly off of 15 hours of sleep... FOR the WEEK?

*Did fake breasts, fake nails, fake hair, fake personalities become hot?

*Did it become ok to wear socks during sex? Seriously?


*Is REALLY in a Slim Jim? Furthermore, how the do you 'snap into one’?

*Difference does it make, if you have 4 channels, or 500? Regardless, nothing is EVER on TV.

*Did drama become a hobby? Better yet… when did it become a necessity?


*Came up with the idea to put rice in salt shakers? What could of made someone be like.. ' DUDE!!! I bet if you put rice in the salt, it won’t clump together!!

*Decided to make Spongebob live in a damn pineapple? There are no PINEAPPLES in the sea! What if he didn't want the smell of fruit all up in his nostrils every morning? You know fruit juice makes a sponge SWELL up… and above and beyond that.. Who decided that having a SPONGE live in water was a good idea? It’s a SPONGE! Don’t you think he might need to decrease his water intake ???


* Did I leave My Sanity- *Reward If Found*

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Someone Should

Seems to be the theme of the day.

I drove my dear dog to pet care this morning and no one was there. To say that I was livid is quite an understatement. Especially when I had to drive all the way back home to drop her off which made me late for work. SOMEONE SHOULD have been there. SOMEONE SHOULD have answered the phone. SOMEONE SHOULD have posted something if they weren't going to be there.

Yesterday at 3:30 it was 89 degrees in my office. WTF? There was a heat index of stupid and the temperature was hell like. SOMEONE SHOULD fix our damned air conditioning.

The parking situation where I work is horrendous. I shouldn't have to walk 1/2 of a mile in 100 degree heat to get to my office. Give us more parking. SOMEONE SHOULD.

That woman that lives in CA. She needs to get off of her stupid whorish, ignorant bitch kick and sign the effing papers before I fly to CA and kick her nasty ass. Atleast SOMEONE SHOULD.

E is out of town all weekend. I've already convinced all of my friends to have a girls weekend. SOMEONE SHOULD thank me.

I didn't know this man, but he was a great friend and brother in arms of my fiances best friend. Staff Sgt. Danny P. Dupre, 28, of Lockport, La., died July 15 from wounds sustained while supporting combat operations in Al Anbar province, Iraq. He was assigned to 1st Battalion, 9th Marines, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C. Thank a Veteran for your freedom. SOMEONE SHOULD.

Quote of the day: However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results. - Winston Churchill SOMEONE SHOULD.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Little Drummer Boys

Please stop having band practice in my head. I'm sorry that I woke you up on a Monday night. I know that it was completely inappropriate of me to drink those drinks.

Could you please go back to sleep just for a few more days?

I have too many things to make sure I take care of to have you banging away. I gave you food, water, caffeine and medicine.

What more you want from me? Sleep is not an option right now. PLEASE I beg you.

*On a side note* I read this today on a friends e-mail: "If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?"

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Hey You, Stupid


It is not okay to call me sweetie and smack me on the ass when I walk away.

Nor is it okay to think that because I am working in a bar that I have only 2 brain cells.

I am here to make a little extra cashola to party my little bit of free time away.

I have a college education and work two jobs because I CAN and because I want to.

Don't be jealous that I make more money than you. I'm smarter than you. Or I atleast have more class in my pinky toe than you have in that steroid ridden body of yours.

Hello, you are in the town I currently live in. Look around. Not to fabulous is it? HOWEVER, I do live within 45 minutes (on a good traffic day) of our Nations Capital. And Just because you think that you look better than most of the guys around this town, (which isn't hard to do) doesn't give you the right to act as if your are King Henry VIII and can have anything you want. Do you even know who King Henry the VIII is? Or why I refered to him? Probably not.

Oh...and don't go getting your dumb ass little pathetic feelings hurt when I tell you about yourself, or the lack thereof. If you are going to ack like a dickhead then I am going to treat you as such.

And FYI, you might want to ask around about people before you decide to talk smack to the girl in the bar who in the past was known as the leader of the Manhaters and often times has to remind inept fucktards such as yourself that hell hath no fury like a liberated woman whom you have just tried to treat as if she should be barefoot in the kitchen saying "yes dear" and sucking your dick on command. I enjoy shutting down the rantings of mindless egotistical wastes of space.