Tuesday, July 26, 2011
1. reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
2. confident expectation of something; hope.
Maya Angelou said, “When people show you who they are the first time, believe them.”
Have you ever been completely in love? You know, where you TRUST someone completely? Or 99.9% as I like to say? Sometimes, it feels like you just ran on to I-95 North or South in the Northern Virginia/DC/MD area, hoping you won't get hit. Or maybe traffic will be at a standstill and and if some car does bump you, you will only get a small bruise and you will still be able to stumble off to the side of the road to treat your wounds. Trusting can feel like walking on a tight rope with no net below to catch you if you fall.
Even though you might have fallen off of that tight rope a time or two, and you know how bad the pain is, you still climb back up that ladder and get back on that rope and put one foot in front of the other and start walking again repeating affirmations such as "I will not fall", "I will not look down", "I will reach the other side." (run on sentence much?)
Anyway. Trusting someone means that you learn to know them through their words. In the beginning stages of a relationship, all you have to judge your level of trust on is words that they give you. You find yourself on a rollercoaster ride where you are reaching for one of those locking bars to hold you in and you are wondering what will happen if the ride gets stuck at the top? Will anyone hear you screaming?
Sometimes relationships start off with the intention of never becoming a relationship and people aren't necessarily the most truthful. On a rare occassion, you find that the make believe turns into a fairytale and you are left standing their questioning everything. "Wait, what did you say?"
Things that you didn't really know were untruthful at the time you were told them and believed them tend to have a way of rearing their ugly heads. Then doubt creeps in to every crevice of your mind and makes you feel like you want to just jump off of the tightrope even though you know there isn't a net? You make excuses for why you should stay on the rope. "I will not quit. Just a little more time and I will get my balance. I will make it to the other side damn it. I WILL not fall off again."
The only things you can know of a person for sure (or 99.9%) is what you see, what you feel and what you experience (if you have your eyes open and aren't closing them that is). What you don't know are the things you don't see or feel or experience.
In my experience, what people say and do are generally two different things. Not necessarily because they are trying to lie but because at the time the statement was made, it was the truth. We all have our own set of fears and patterns that affect how we interact with people. In every hurtful situation where my trust has been breached, people have responded from their own unique set of fears. Because I wanted to trust and believe them, I ignored the truth to keep seeking love.
Maybe I should stop looking at people as to whether or not they can be trusted. Then I won't be disappointed when they don’t do what they say. I understand that we all have our own internal conflicts about what we say we want and what we are actually capable of doing. Maybe truly trusting someone, is understanding why they act the way they do.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
On Wikihow. They seem to think they can tell you how to do anything don't they?
How to Stop Being Afraid of Being Loved or Falling in Love
Are you afraid to fall in love or of being loved by someone? Does the thought make you feel suffocated, too deeply entwined, or just plain uninteresting? For some, previous scars from being in love drive a need to stay away from love altogether, for fear of being hurt again. For sure, love is a frightening journey but it is also a wondrous one too and it is important to note that you get out of something what you put into it. So, without further ado, it's time to forge on ahead and learn some mechanisms to make it less scary, more enticing, and definitely worth your while.
1 Understand that the feeling of love is permissible.Understand that the feeling of love is permissible. Let yourself be overcome by feelings of affection, care, intensity, and warmth. These feelings won't destroy you - they are good, positive feelings. And if you let them show, it is so much the easier for the other party to feel OK about letting their mutual affection show back.
2 Rid yourself of past shadows.Rid yourself of past shadows. When you start feeling great affection for someone but the ghost of love-gone-wrong in the past starts fluttering by, tell yourself that this is a different situation this time, different person, and a wiser, more emotionally healthy you. You should have learned the lessons from past losses, so make good now and trust this new beginning is going to be work for you both.
3 Face your fears.Face your fears. If you feel a sense of suffocation, loss of self, or disillusionment about love, then you probably have a tougher road ahead than a person who fears a repeat of the past. For you, the fear is about losing yourself, your individuality. Think about the past and anyone who may have made you feel this way, suffocated, watched over, criticized too much. Put that memory into its place and recognize that that person or situation is very different from a love in which two people at an equal level care about one another and make mature decisions together. It also helps to set very clear but friendly ground rules about yourself from the start of a loving relationship - let the other person know that you will always feel a need for space, time alone, and opportunities to do things separate from your relationship but that this does not impact your love and care for this person. rather, Make it clear that this is a healthy way for a couple to be together, always growing and being individuals as much as being part of a couple.
4 Take the plunge slowly.Take the plunge slowly. You are never going to be the type who sees fireworks and feels love at first sight. You are too cautious; this is a positive, not a negative as only fools rush in where angels fear to tread. Take your time developing your loving relationship, and be mature, honest, straightforward and open with your partner. The love that flourishes from this slowly-does-it approach is often an enduring and respectful one.
5 Don't give up your other passions.Don't give up your other passions. Being in a loving relationship means being in a supportive one. It is not about being changed by another person, or trying to change someone. If you fear that the person you love might end up wanting to change something about you, deal with this early on. Always make it clear that you come with the fox terriers, the summer vacation hunting trips, the night-out-with-the-girls once a week, the desire to never have children, the weekends locked away editing wikiHow etc. If you have passions that define you, a partner who seeks to take them away from you will leave both of you unhappy and if this is what is stopping you from falling in love, return to the mantra of being open, clear, and up front from the start. Now that all this is out of the way, you can start to fall in love and enjoy the journey to self-discovery that includes discovering someone else. Good luck leaving fear behind!Ads by Google
Tips: Remember that love is a multi-colored, many splendid thing that is hard to confine to one-box-fits-all or to a singular definition. It just may be that your problem is how you define love; change your perspective and you might just lose your fear. Love can creep up unawares, dressed in the clothing of friendship, a shared passion, a regular meet-up, a weekly conversation in the pub - it doesn't have to be anything spectacular or overwhelming and it can be as simple, or as complicated, as you want it to be. Maybe seeing it this way can lessen your fear of the amorphous, overly romanticized notion of love and help you to understand that at its most basic, love is companionship with somebody who means a great deal to you.
Warnings: No matter who it is, there is always a chance of being hurt, even if you eliminate the fear. Choose heartbreak over fear of heartbreak; choose doing over doing nothing. Be careful that you aren't mistaking "Love" for loneliness. Don't think you are putting someone in your heart, when all you really want is someone in your bed.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Sometimes another writer can just write almost exactly how you are feeling. Sure, the story is their personal story and not all of what they are writing about pertains to you, but the story remains the same.
Today is one of those days that I feel like Chelsea from Chelsea Talks Smack when she wrote a post a few weeks ago entitled Self-sabotage, loving yourself and NOT BEING SO DAMN CRAZY. Brilliant!
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
I know the title got your attention, so I will not disappoint with the contents of the post.
I know that some people that read my blog will get a kick out of this and since it's written by a woman and it's pretty funny, I had to share. Not sure I agree with the title but whatever.
One of the Most Detested Sex Acts Is Good for Women
Posted by Jamye Waxman on June 17, 2011 at 6:41 PM
I've always been a swallower. As a child I swallowed anything the vacuum cleaner failed to pick up. Crayons. Paper. Nose boogers. Nothing felt dirty or wrong, even if the look on my mother's face told me otherwise. It wasn't until I starting give blowjobs that I thought about what I swallowed. I had given up breastmilk long before then, and the idea of swallowing something out of someone else's body felt odd. But, then anything feels strange until you get used to doing it.
There's a lot of chatter over the age old sex debate, to spit or swallow, but when it comes to decisions, this is an easy one. If you love your partner and can muster up enough strength to take one for the team, take one for the team. Not only do guys love it when women swallow -- something about the whole completion thing -- but there are actually measurable benefits to swallowing, too.
1. Semen can boost your mood. Sure, this study had to do with intercourse, but if the hormones in semen, mainly testosterone and estrogen, make women happy when they screw, why wouldn't they make women happy when they swallow? Going on that theory, swallowing can make you happier. So next time the kids are screaming for Sponge Bob, think about the benefits another type of bob. The head bob.
2. Semen does a body good, pass it on. That's right, semen may be a cure for sore throats and diabetes! The next time you eat too much sugar and worry about your insulin levels, balance it out with a little semen (and, of course, talk to your doctor). If you lose your voice shouting, protect your throat with semen. These are only some of the possible medical benefits for semen. I can only imagine what else science will uncover about swallowing. Perhaps it's the cure for world hunger?
3. Semen can taste good. Like french fries or fruit, it all depends on what he eats. When you're looking for a filling snack, why not a little love juice? It's high in protein and only 20 calories per teaspoon. And when he eats celery, cranberries, watermelon and drinks pineapple juice, he'll taste even juicer.
4. And for those who you can't get themselves to swallow, fear not. You should feel good knowing that a little semen on your face may do wonders for your skin. According to The Sexual Teachings of the White Tigress semen facials are good for you. And in her memoir, I'm Wild Again, even Helen Gurley Brown recommends the semen facial: "Spread semen over your face, [it's] probably full of protein as sperm can eventually become babies. Makes a fine mask — and he'll be pleased."
Do you prefer to spit or swallow?
About the author
Jamye Waxman M.Ed is a sex educator and writer who loves to cuddle. She believes that intimacy takes work but should be fun, and communication is the key. She's also a TMI kind of girl.
Have a nice day! :)
Monday, July 11, 2011
Do you ever have those days where you just can't seem to get rid of that, I'm pissed off at the world edge? You know, when you wake up and you feel like you didn't sleep at all. Where you sit at your desk and stare at the computer, aimlessly going through the motions of "work". By 1pm your eyes are burning and still red from exhaustion. You try to drink some caffeine or go smoke (for those of us in the world that still do) but nothing seems to remove that nasty "I want to punch something" grip that is on your day.
Then, you try to sit down and write about it and everything comes out a mess and makes no real sense. Then you end up with some damn post like this one.
There are about ten different reasons why I'm not in a good mood today, and I don't want to talk about any of them. Here are some random thoughts that keeps racing back and forth.
The answer is NO.
What the hell am I doing?
How am I going to make that happen?
Should I be doing this?
What am I thinking?
How the hell am I going to pay that?
I don't want to. I don't need to. And I'm not going to.
Monday is a MESS.