This Is What Boredom Will Get You

1. What is in the back seat of your car right now? Chain saw, trash bags, rope, shovel, blah blah blah.

2. When was the last time you threw up? I don't throw up. You shut up.

3. What's your favorite curse word? Good girls don't curse. Shame on you for thinking so.

4. Name 3 people who made you smile today? Me, Myself and I. HEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYY...

5. What were you doing at 8 am this morning? If I tell you, I will have to kill you.

6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Please refer to the answer to #5 and stop asking questions that will get you hurt.

7. What will you be doing 3 hours from now? Layin it down on the flip side. Didn't I warn you about these questions?

8. Have you ever been to a strip club? Yes. It's amazing the skills those girls have. I guarantee they will be the future leaders of America. They hold the true moral values that our country should be founded upon.

9. What is the last thing you said aloud? You're so fine, you blow my mind, how bout I hit it from behind?

10. What is the best ice cream flavor? Bubble gum...u get free gum, c'mon!

11. What was the last thing you had to drink? Not telling. 'Cause you can't have none.

12. What are you wearing right now? White turtle neck, dark green vest, pink camisole, white bra with matching panties (grrr), red leggings, black pants, blue suspenders, black knee high socks, white knee pads, yellow sweatband, purple ring pop, red fruit roll-up earrings (made them myself), aluminum foil grill, neon green scrunchie.

13. What was the last thing you ate? Food. Interesting concept huh?

14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? Pocket protector. I'm pretty stoked about it.

15. When was the last time you ran? Last week when they had a prostitution ring bust in my neighborhood.

16. What's the last sporting event you watched? Dodgeball.

17. Have you been drinking? No officer. I am am the designated driver.

18. Who is the last person you emailed? Your mom.

19. Ever go camping? Around here, we call it livin.

20. Do you have a tan? Why's it always gotta be a tan thing?

21. Are you mad? Like Britney Spears mad?

22. What kind of car do you drive? None of your business. And no you can't get a ride.

23. What is today? It's ummmm...wait...what? Ummm...where am I?

24. Do you drink your soda from a straw? If I'm at a fancy sit-down restaurant. But that's only once every couple of years or so....

25. What did your last IM say? The body is buried in the backyard, if you talk, I kill you.

26. Are you someone's best friend? Hellz yeah I am. The bestest.

27. What are you doing tomorrow? Even street walkers have to rest.

28. Where is your mom right now? Wouldn't you like to know.

29. Look to your left, what do you see? The street sign. Sooo exciting! Take it off!

30. What color is your watch? Don't got no watch. I'm a rebel.

31. What do you think of when you think of Australia ? My Aunt, Uncle and cousins cookin somethin on the bar-bie!

32. Would you consider plastic surgery? Sometimes I think about it and I'm like, "well maybe just a little here or there" then I see someone later in life who had it done years ago and they look disgusting and I realize that I'd rather just diet and work out really hard and make good with what I got. Nothin a little tissue can't fix.

33. What is your birthstone? Skulls and Crossbones

34. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? Drive thru so I can peg the cashier woman in the head with a penny.

35. How many kids do you want? Do you have some you are bringing to the relationship? I can want those.

36. Do you have a dog? Yes. Two, and they can kick your dogs butt.

37. Last person you talked to on the phone? My pimp.

38. Have you met anyone famous? I am famous....for being amazing. What what.

39. Any plans today? Just filling this out and then skidaddling to bed. (I know you love that I brought out the skiddaddle, really, how long has it been since you've heard that one?).

40. How many states have you lived in? Notchyos.

41. Ever go to college? Been. Graduated and going again. I think I'm confused.

42. Where are you right now? Hello. Obvious. Like...duh.

43. Biggest annoyance in your life right now? Lack of sleep.

44. Last song listened to? If you stand on it...we stand behinnnnnnnnd it!

45. Where were you 6 hours ago? I have an alibi, I swear.

46. Are you allergic to anything? Dumb drunk men at the bar. Ick...

47. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? My bo bos. Walmart special yo.

48. Are you jealous of anyone? Nah brah.

49. Are you in love? Is that what I told you?

50. Is anyone jealous of you? Probably, there are many haters out there.

51. What time is it? You tell me. I ain't got not watch, remember?

*52. Do any of your friends have children? Yes, but we don't talk about their boyfriends like that.

53. Do you eat healthy? Define healthy.

54. What do you usually do during the day? Square dance, play jenga, and do a little break dancing.

55. Do you hate anyone right now? No...got only love for yas.

56. Do you use the word 'hello' daily? And howdy...can't forget howdy.

57. Ever been in the military? My DD-214 says I was.

58. How old will you be turning on your next birthday? How old are you looking for?

59. Have you ever been to Six Flags? Nah, I just ride real fast around corners through Northeast DC. Same thing. Ghetto rollerocaster.

Can We Have It All?

A few friends and I get in to a certain discussion from time to time. It's the "can we actually have it all" conversation.

Tides have changed over the years and women are more successful than ever. All of the sudden, we spend our lives getting an education and obtaining a career and then we find ourselves alone, with no one to share it with. There you are, standing in your big house or driving in your new car and there is no one standing next to you, or riding in the passenger seat, or driving while you sit in the passenger seat.

It seems these days that we have to give up something to get something else. Like we just can't have it all. We can't be educated, have a great career, be healthy and have love and be happy.

OR maybe we should just be happy with all of the "things" we do have. BUT what is all that "stuff" if you don't have someone to share it with? If at the end of the day, you go home to an empty house and talk to yourself (or your dogs) and when something exciting happens, you don't have that person to call and share it with that will exude pride and love in their voice when they get excited with you.

Can we have hit all? Or do we need to change our definition of what having it all is?

My Mama always told me that I am never satisfied. I used to think this was a good thing, maybe a bit of ambition but lately, I'm not so sure.

If You Forget Me

If You Forget Me by Pablo Neruda


I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

That's All Folks

Tuesday was divorce court day. I'm officially divorced.

Wednesday proceeded to suck the life out of me with a speeding ticket, a tow truck driver scam, damage to my car and just being unsure if I am on the road of getting my heart broken again.

Today has pretty much sucked too. I need to find a nice bar stool and pull up to the bar and make friends with a tasty beverage or two.