Hey Mom, Remember That Time

When you ran me over with our car? I know you do. Not really all that hard to forget. I know, I know, I shouldn't bring it up, especially since it was about 31 years ago, but hey, I want to tell a story and in order to do so, well...I have to tell this one.

Picture this if you will. I'm talking to you, yeah you, the readers. Pay attention. Anyway, back to the picture. It was circa December 1978, I was 4. My husband had not even been born yet. *NOT FUNNY* Moving on. We lived in a trailer park (what...bitches?) My mother drove a 1973 Plymouth Fury III. It was huge (that's what HE said).

So, one Monday morning, I came skipping out of the house ready to go to pre-school. I was a nerdy little tomboy kid who LOVED school. The night before, we had received some Christmas gifts from the church. My Mother had taken them from the passenger side of the car when we got home. Like all little kids who can't open a door that big, I climbed into my Moms side of the car (yes, kids sat up front back in those days).

As we started to back out of our circular driveway, the passenger car door flew open. What did little ole nerdy tomboy me do? I reached out to grab it to close it. What happened to me? I fell out of the car. What happened after that? Can you guess? You should be able to, I mentioned it in the first sentence of this posting. I'll wait while you go back and check. Hmmmm...hhmmmm....hmmmmm...

Back? Okay. So yeah, the right front tire ran across my chest. Yes sir/ma'm, that huge care ran over me. With my Mother behind the wheel. I was FOUR. Being the hard kid that I was, I picked myself up off the ground and walked over to my Mothers side of the car and stood there looking at her. Moments later, I collapsed. YA THINK?

My Mother is not one to panic. She didn't in this case either. She was a little freaked out as I had blood coming from my nose and my mouth and I wanted to go to sleep. However, she made me stay awake as she flew to the hospital. I remember that. She parked in the parking area of the emergency room, put me in her arms and walked into the ER and said "I ran her over with me car."

HOLY Doctors and Nurses. They came out of the woodworks like roaches when the lights get turned on. The next thing I remember, I said to my Mother "Call JD and Judy (the Pastor and his wife) and have them come pray for me."

I spent three days in the hospital. Yep, a whole three days. They deemed me the miracle child. I had a bald spot on the back of my head, a giant scrape down my right arm, a COOL tiremark embedded in my chest and a little scar from where they had to put the chest tube when lung collapsed from the puncture in it. That's another story in itself. My MOM made a nurse cry and threatened a Doctor within an inch of his life.

As for me, (because this is all about me), I was angry that they put me in a baby crib in the ICU. I was NOT a baby. I HATED my chest tube with a passion. And the old man that died while I was in there still haunts me. I remember them trying to save him.

I do still however, have the Santa from my crib, the book I was given from the present tree and the gift of life.

NO...this is NOT why I am so flat chested.

Look at that, even at four I was a clumsy hot mess.

63

Dear Daddy,

Today, you would have been 63. It's hard to believe you have been gone for over 20 years.

I wish you would have been there on:

May 29th of 1992 to see me walk across the stage and receive my diploma.
On September 10th 1997 to watch me graduate from boot camp and become a Marine.
On May 26th 2007 to watch me (finally) graduate from college.
On November 29th 2008 to walk me down the aisle as I married my husband.

Most of all, I just wish you could be here.

Happy Birthday Daddy!

Don't Lean On Me

***Disclaimer: The names of people and schools have been changed.***

So my Mom will lose her job next year and so will everyone that she works with.

Let me tell you something, the school she teaches at is BAD BAD BAD. The kids are BAD. Picture Lean on Me but ten (10) times worse and in middle school. Those kids are horrendous. The parents are worse and the community is worse than the two combined. TRUST ME. I grew up there. I know.

Anyway. This school has been bad for a long time. It has been progressing, slowly but surely. They BARELY failed the testing last year but not for the lack of killing themselves just to get that far. My Mom has only been there for three (3) years. And she is an ESE teacher. Each year getting a little closer to finally passing that test.

The Superintendent of Schools thinks he is Joe Clark. Joe clark HE IS NOT. So I will refer to him as Mr. Wanna Be Joe Clark. WBJC if you will.

For a school that must have TWO armed police officers on staff and six (6) others on call, with locked gates and various other things. Not to mention, it has more fights and threats than any other middle school, let him get a new staff. Trust me. It's not the staff. My Mom has been punched, knocked down, slammed against walls, spit on, bit and called every name in the book. Her purse has been stolen, her cell phone has been stolen more times than I care to think about and various other random crap. Not just by ESE kids either.

Those that know about ESE kids, they need consistency. Change will freak them out.

Here's are some excerpts from the newspaper article that my Mom sent me.

A Giant EFF YOU, TO Mr. Wanna Be Joe Clark (WBJC).

A new day has dawned for WMS
MAY 3, 2009

On Wednesday, WBJC announced wholesale staff changes for the middle school next year.

And the man means wholesale.

WBJC already has advertised for a new principal and announced the school will have new administrators, new teachers, new counselors and new coaches. Nearly all of the 80 staff positions will be filled with new people next school year. ***WTFever***

The action is a result of the 850-student school being one of 11 in Florida that failed to meet state and federal standards for student learning. As a result, the new school administration will report directly to WBJC.

As for the fate of WM, WBJC has proclaimed that it will become a "district turnaround school.'' ***Translated as: Alternative School. Now we can have bad kids and NOT be considered a 'real' school.***

It is good that WBJC sees opportunity where others might see despair. We believe WM can become a school that redefines how our children, those who might not come from the best economic backgrounds, are educated.

While we realize there are many (too many, some might say) rules and regulations from **our states capital** on how students are taught, we hope and trust that WM will become a center for innovative teaching. How can WM parents become more involved in their school? What can the community do to increase reading scores? How do we establish and sustain high standards and high expectations in children who might not be familiar with such a culture? How do we lure the best teachers to WM?

****Basically they are saying, hey lazy crackheads, put down the pipe and get involved with your children. Hey community of ignorants (yes, I know that's not a word), get involved with the kids. Hey bad ass kids from crackhouses and the ghetto, yes, you are stupid, but hey, we are going to change everything down to your level so it's okay to be that way, we will make it to where you can pass. something. And how can we LURE. They used the word LURE and said "how can we?" WMS is in the GHETTO. It is filled with gangs, drugs, violence and a shit load of kids and parents that don't give a iF YOU SEEK (C&K). Best of luck. *********I AM NOT CALLING PEOPLE STUPID. NOR AM I SAYING THAT PEOPLE FROM THE GHETTO CAN'T RISE ABOVE.**********

---Back to the article---

It certainly would be easy to sit back, point fingers and assign blame for how WM became such a problem school, at least in the eyes of the state. We have heard the same accusations as you: teachers who didn't want to teach, students that didn't want to learn and a community that didn't want to care. Unquestionably, it is a tragedy that WM has reached this point.

But we remain optimistic because WBJC is optimistic. ****Oh yeah, because he is WBJC after all. Didn't you see Lean on Me? It worked there didn't it? Maybe they will learn a class song and everything.****

"This is an opportunity,'' WBJC said, "where we can step up and do something pretty bold and significant for our students.'' We can't wait to see what's in store.

****Yeah me either.****

Out of Control

My niece is not just a bad kid, she is out of control.

My Mom would love to put her in a reform type program but have any of you ever checked into those kinds of places?

Anywhere from $2,500+ A MONTH. In whose world do most of the families that have the bad ass kids like my niece have that kind of money?

The state is so "afraid" of putting her in the system (sending her to juvenile) that they make empty threats and she knows it.

Yesterday, by direction of child services and the local law enforcement, my brother reported her as a runaway because she has been gone since THURSDAY NIGHT. SHE IS 14. YES 14.

She doesn't go to school, when she does, she fights and gets suspended. She thinks that she is a grown up. She smokes, drinks, does drugs and I'm 99% sure is having sex.

Let me add that she is a pathological liar and according to the State Shrink is bi-polar and has ADHD.

My brother is a worthless piece of crap and their Mother is just as bad as him. My Mom tried to do what she could when the opportunity came for her to step in, but by that time, the damage was done. She has done everything she knows to do and has gotten NO WHERE.

My niece hangs out in the projects. The neighborhood is so bad, that the cops told my Mother that even if she did call for a ride home to NOT go into the neighborhood to get her, allow the police department to do so. She has already been given TWO trespassing tickets for being in another projects and is NOT allowed to be there.

When I talk to her, she is all Yes Ma'm, No Ma'm, I'm sorry, I promise I will be good, I promise I will be better etc etc. My Mom told me to not believe a word that comes out of her mouth.

I want to believe that she is fixable. That she needs stability and to see a life outside of drugs, crime and the crap that not only did I grow up in but she is now growing up in.

I'm almost 1,000 miles away. I want to drive down there and snatch her up and lock her in a room but I know that is not the answer. I'm sad and heartbroken that my only niece is becoming the kind of kid that I see on TV that makes me shudder and think "what happened to her." Or worse, one day I am going to get the phone call to identify the body.

A Thousand Words

All of them bad. If a picture is worth a thousand words then a picture like the one below is worth what?

This is a picture of my 14 ----yes I said FOURTEEN year old niece.
AND she just turned 14 in July.

YES that is a bag of weed in her hand. And cigarettes and a bottle of Tequila.

I live almost 1,000 miles away from her. If I lived closer, you can guarandamntee this would NOT be happening.

I'm disgusted.

Mother Dearest

You know what, I don't know what your problem is lately but I am sick of your attitude.

I cannot believe you had the audacity to write me what you did. Have you lost your entire mind?

Your lack of concern or respect for me lately saddens me and infuriates me at the same time.

Today is not the day. I tried to refrain from responding to you, but the lack of caffeine, nicotine, good food, and the lack of sleep topped off by your horrific monthly timing, makes today a bad day for most people, you are no exception.

What have you done with my Mother? I want her back. Unless I have been blind for the last 34 years and this is who you really are? If so, I feel like I have no idea who raised me, it wasn't you.

Daddy

Tomorrow you will have been gone for 19 years.

It's hard to believe that you have been gone that long. I still miss you. At this time of the year the pain still feels so brand new.

I'm still sad that you weren't able to be there at my high school graduation.

You weren't able to see me walk across the stage to receive my college diploma.

You won't be there to walk me down the aisle when E and I get married.

I didn't grow up with you living in our house and I didn't get to see you that often but you were still my Daddy.

I cherished the moments we shared and I know that I was the light of your life.

You died the day after your oldest sons birthday.

I'm angry that you weren't able to put down the bottle. Weren't we worth living for?

I'm still hurt, sad and angry.

I still miss you like the 15 year old girl who lost her Daddy.