The Things You Find

On Wikihow. They seem to think they can tell you how to do anything don't they?



How to Stop Being Afraid of Being Loved or Falling in Love

Are you afraid to fall in love or of being loved by someone? Does the thought make you feel suffocated, too deeply entwined, or just plain uninteresting? For some, previous scars from being in love drive a need to stay away from love altogether, for fear of being hurt again. For sure, love is a frightening journey but it is also a wondrous one too and it is important to note that you get out of something what you put into it. So, without further ado, it's time to forge on ahead and learn some mechanisms to make it less scary, more enticing, and definitely worth your while.

1 Understand that the feeling of love is permissible.Understand that the feeling of love is permissible. Let yourself be overcome by feelings of affection, care, intensity, and warmth. These feelings won't destroy you - they are good, positive feelings. And if you let them show, it is so much the easier for the other party to feel OK about letting their mutual affection show back.

2 Rid yourself of past shadows.Rid yourself of past shadows. When you start feeling great affection for someone but the ghost of love-gone-wrong in the past starts fluttering by, tell yourself that this is a different situation this time, different person, and a wiser, more emotionally healthy you. You should have learned the lessons from past losses, so make good now and trust this new beginning is going to be work for you both.

3 Face your fears.Face your fears. If you feel a sense of suffocation, loss of self, or disillusionment about love, then you probably have a tougher road ahead than a person who fears a repeat of the past. For you, the fear is about losing yourself, your individuality. Think about the past and anyone who may have made you feel this way, suffocated, watched over, criticized too much. Put that memory into its place and recognize that that person or situation is very different from a love in which two people at an equal level care about one another and make mature decisions together. It also helps to set very clear but friendly ground rules about yourself from the start of a loving relationship - let the other person know that you will always feel a need for space, time alone, and opportunities to do things separate from your relationship but that this does not impact your love and care for this person. rather, Make it clear that this is a healthy way for a couple to be together, always growing and being individuals as much as being part of a couple.

4 Take the plunge slowly.Take the plunge slowly. You are never going to be the type who sees fireworks and feels love at first sight. You are too cautious; this is a positive, not a negative as only fools rush in where angels fear to tread. Take your time developing your loving relationship, and be mature, honest, straightforward and open with your partner. The love that flourishes from this slowly-does-it approach is often an enduring and respectful one.

5 Don't give up your other passions.Don't give up your other passions. Being in a loving relationship means being in a supportive one. It is not about being changed by another person, or trying to change someone. If you fear that the person you love might end up wanting to change something about you, deal with this early on. Always make it clear that you come with the fox terriers, the summer vacation hunting trips, the night-out-with-the-girls once a week, the desire to never have children, the weekends locked away editing wikiHow etc. If you have passions that define you, a partner who seeks to take them away from you will leave both of you unhappy and if this is what is stopping you from falling in love, return to the mantra of being open, clear, and up front from the start. Now that all this is out of the way, you can start to fall in love and enjoy the journey to self-discovery that includes discovering someone else. Good luck leaving fear behind!Ads by Google


Tips: Remember that love is a multi-colored, many splendid thing that is hard to confine to one-box-fits-all or to a singular definition. It just may be that your problem is how you define love; change your perspective and you might just lose your fear. Love can creep up unawares, dressed in the clothing of friendship, a shared passion, a regular meet-up, a weekly conversation in the pub - it doesn't have to be anything spectacular or overwhelming and it can be as simple, or as complicated, as you want it to be. Maybe seeing it this way can lessen your fear of the amorphous, overly romanticized notion of love and help you to understand that at its most basic, love is companionship with somebody who means a great deal to you.

Warnings: No matter who it is, there is always a chance of being hurt, even if you eliminate the fear. Choose heartbreak over fear of heartbreak; choose doing over doing nothing. Be careful that you aren't mistaking "Love" for loneliness. Don't think you are putting someone in your heart, when all you really want is someone in your bed.