Mindless Forty Eight

Why not answer some questions? Yeah, yeah, I know, this is a blog. I'm supposed to write stuff not use random questionnaires like a teenager to entertain. Well, whatever. Read them anyway, I'm kind of funny today. Oh, and bless your heart.

1. What time did you get up this morning? Not what time I was supposed to, that's for sure.

2. How do you like your steak? Preferably on a plate and cooked.

3. What is your favorite TV show? DVR

4. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? Ireland. Under the rainbow, with the rest of my leprechaun friends. But right now that would have to be switched out with Japan. The land of the other little people.

5. Are you tired? I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. Sleep is obviously overrated. Well for some people anyway.

6. What is your favorite food? FREE.

7. Favorite Place to Eat? At home. I hate people. Or Top of The World in Vegas. I like those people.

8. Favorite dressing? The kind you put in turkeys.

9. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? Not sure. Where the hell is my cup?

10. Favorite time of day? After work. Not in traffic. You know. Vodka thirty or something.

11. Where were you born? In a hospital. Nifty concept huh?

12. Are you a morning person or a night person? HAHAHAHAHA! Talk to me in the morning. I dare you. Unless you live in a different time zone.

13. Do you have any pets? Yep. Three of them. All holy terrors. Want one?

14. Any new and exciting news you would like to share? Ummmm...nope. But thanks for asking.

15. What did you want to be when you were little? Bigger.

16. Are you a cat or dog person? Well, since I have both, I guess both. But I'm allergic to cats and dogs. Go figure. And we all know that I've had my fair share of dogs in my life. And not the kind with 4 legs.

17. Are you married? Technically for another 6 days. Why you want to get married or something?

18. Always wear your seat belt? Define always.

19. Any pet peeves? OOOO...I have lots of peeves. Pets too.

20. Favorite ice cream? I GOT ICE CREAM. AND YOU DON'T

21. Favorite fast food restaurant? Jack in the box. Even if I am scared of the game, I hate when that little guy pops out at me. So I just quit turning the handle.

22. Do anything spontaneous lately? Spontaneity is the spice of life and I am a habanero pepper.

23. Like your job? Yep and you can't have it.

24. Broccoli? What about it? We're friends. Do you have a problem with that?

25. What is your favorite color? Depends. Are there any bulls around?

26. Where are your pets right now? Two of them are probably tearing something up in the basement. Rotten animals. The cat is probably sleeping.

27. Last time you kissed someone? Ugh. WAY too long ago. June 20th to be precise. BOO. Now I have a pouty face. Thanks a lot.

28. Last time you consumed alcohol? Ummm...Last night. *looking around*

29. What color phone do you have? Naked or dressed?

30 . Ever laid under the stars?: Well, I reckon every night...I've never been able to make it OVER them. My rocket ship bed idea didn't really pan out.

31. What outfit do you have on at this exact moment? Outfit? We office people don't really wear outfits. Well, unless you count the skank downstairs on the 3rd floor. Anyway...Black and white. That's how I roll.

32. What do you want to be? A billionaire so freaking bad.

33. What are you doing tomorrow? Working. What are you doing?

34. Do you know someone who likes you? I THINK A LOT OF PEOPLE LIKE ME :) I am cool like that. But is there someone that "likes" me? Yes, yes there is. I kinda like him too. Shhhh...

35. Have you ever had a friend named "Fred, Frank, or Felipe"? I used to have a friend name Fred. HI FRED. Last I heard, he was busy catching border jumpers in Texas. I know two Franks. I need a Felipe.

36. What is the closest green object to you? I have a few green things. I don't feel like measuring to find out which one is the closest. Oh I know, a post-it. Did you know that my friend Michelle and I invented them?

37. Did you enjoy your last kiss? Yes and no. The kiss was amazing, but, it was in an aiport before I got on a plane. And I haven't had one since. So, thank you sir, may I have another?

38. What is/are your favorite kind of band(s)? The rubber ones.

39. Do you believe in Karma? I believe in Karma Chameleons. They are red, gold and green...red gold and greeeeennnnn.

40. Do you have any imaginary friends? Well, there are some people that wave to me and say hi and think I like them, they are imagining they are my friend. Does that count?

41. When was the last time you were interested in someone? I'm currently interested in someone. SO the last time was right now....and now....and now...

42. Do you miss someone right now? Like I would miss oxygen if I didn't have it for my next breath.

43. Do you believe the statement "bigger is always better"? No I do not. The woman at breakfast this morning was a perfect example.

44. Do you have a friend with benefits? Like medical and dental? 401k?

45. Ever fell down the steps? Come on. You underestimate my clumsiness. I fall, trip, knock people down, spill things, drop things...it's really funny. Until someone gets hurt. Namely me.

46. Have you ever almost died?: Almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. A hand grenade would probably kill you....I don't know about a horseshoe, maybe...with a direct blow. If you got hit in the leg with a horseshoe, it wouldn't dismember you like a hand grenade. I think we should just disregard the whole horseshoe thing anyway. "Almost only counts with Hand Grenades...period...that's all." And yes, I have almost died.

47. Have you ever been to jail?: Yes, but I rolled doubles and got out free. GO ME!

48. Are we there yet? By golly, I think we are. Please keep your hands and feet in the plane until the plane has come to a comlete stop and the pilot has turned off the fasten seatbelt signs.

ROALL

Random Observations and Lessons Learned

1) Don't fight with your significant other in front of people. And learn that sometimes the fighting is pointless anyway.
2) Be careful who you give your heart to. Some people think they are toys and find new ways to break them.
3) Never drink more drinks at a bar than you are willing to pay for (people are sneaky).
4) Traffic on I-95 from Maryland to Virginia and throughout will always suck, at any given time. Deal with it or don't drive on it. Plain and simple.
5) People will spend way too long in the plastic bin aisle at Wal-Mart and Target trying to match the lid to the bin. (Funny stuff).
6) Wanting and needing are two totally different things. Learn the difference. Especially when it comes to love.
7) The officer does NOT care how fast anyone else but YOU were going.
8) The first person to say, "Are we going to play real poker?" is the first person to play a donkey hand and/or suck out on you.
9) Never put your pool stick away.
10) The designated driver is not the person who has had the least to drink.
11) What happens in the parking lot stays in the parking lot.
12) No matter how funny you think it is, your friend should not approach a police officer drunk in WaWa at 2 am and tell him how much she loves a man in uniform.
13) If you cannot name at least 5 people that play on your favorite sports team then you are NOT a true fan.
14) Some women are just that stupid.
15) Some men are just that stupid.
16) If more than 3 people tell you that your boyfriend is a jerk, he is 99% of the time a jerk. And stop holding on to that 1%, those are the confused people.
17) Men: Please refer to #17 and change boyfriend to girlfriend and jerk to ho.
18) Red jello stains your fingers if you don't wash it off until the next morning.
19) The Chili's on 610 sucks. The food and service is horrendous, unless you are sitting AT the bar (not IN the bar).
20) Don't run your mouth about something you aren't willing to take or give a beat down for.
21) Don't talk smack about the Marine Corps. Only Marines are allowed to do that.
22) Take your hat off, place your hand over your heart and shut your mouth when the National Anthem is being performed or played. End of discussion.
23) Never underestimate the power of fear.
24) People who you never thought you would talk to again, will undoubtedly call you, write you or e-mail you from Iraq.
25) Deny, deny, deny.
26) Try to always answer your phone. You never know when someone is going to need you.
27) High school for me was over 19 years ago. Please refrain from acting like you are still in it when around me. Thanks.
28) If you say you are going to call, then call. End of story.
29) I love the Goodwill. Yes, I know that not everyone can have a brand new one that is color coordinated and has great clothes. Sorry about your luck.
30) There will come a day when your heart truly is completely broken and cannot be repaired.
31) You must party with someone in a kilt and hear bagpipes on St. Patrick's Day or it's just not the same.
32) No matter how close redbox is to your house, the local bar or the bank, your movies will more than likely still be late.
33) Don't talk to me when I am watching the game, unless you are on fire.
34) Sometimes I wonder (not wander) well I do that too, but sometimes I just wonder. Shaking my head and sighing. Flabergasted.
35) People will never cease to amaze me. (where 34 gets me).
36) If you don't know who, make sure it's not you before you start talking about it.
37) Do it. I dare you.
38) Men will never learn.
39) Women won't either.
40) People who start off lying to you, will always lie to you.
41) There is a Jack In The Box off of exit 48A on I-85 in South Carolina. Don't keep driving thinking you will see another one. You won't.
42) The Fish House in Pensacola has the best Filet Oscar. Yummmy! Get it.
43) I do not get enough sleep. Ever.
44) Commencement ceremonies are boring.
45) I have the best friends. Smart and successful. We are a force to be reckoned with. Beware.
46) Some things are just better left unsaid. Period.
47) If you wouldn't want someone to do it to you, don't do it to them.
48) I do not believe "once a cheater, always a cheater."
49) Do not be rude to someone and get offended when they are twice as rude back to you.
50) Put that stupid collar down. It wasn't cool in the 80's and it is twice as uncool now. Idiot.
51) Yes I know I have colorful past. I lived it.
52) Yes, I have an accent. It took many years to get rid of it. Sometimes it creeps back in. No, I am not from NY, NJ, NE or any other state that talks like that either. Don't ask me where it came from. Ask my mom.
53) If I wouldn't date you myself, I will not introduce you to any of my friends for you to date them. Not happening. Move along.
54) I need to get more sleep. Much more.
55) Wear a bra, and a shirt that fits. While you are at it, wear some pants that fit too. It's not cute to do otherwise.

Fridays are for feelings...

The universe always has an interesting way of reminding me of who I am when I have somewhat lost my way.

When you start a new relationship, all of the ego based emotions, all of the walls you've built as a means for protection, all of the new insecurities, and barriers, seem to grow 3 inches thicker. Not only is the other person unknowingly trying to break down walls they don't even know are there, but you find yourself trying to break those walls down too, some days to no avail.

I thrive on being a planner, and I seriously feel that I never have enough. But I didn't plan on being single at 37. Yet another failed marriage. I didn't plan on meeting someone new even after being single became my new plan. I didn't plan on it being a long distance relationship that will test me in every way it can. I didn't plan on this. I had rules that I set for myself. And I broke them all.

I've learned that I set the expectations of people too high. I get caught up in the things that they do so much, that when they don't do them, I feel like they have let me down. I've been told before that I often times make people feel like they can't do anything right because when they do something wrong I let them know in a way that makes them feel disappointed in themselves. The issue is, I love with 110% and I do everything I can to let the people I love know it. I want them to know that I appreciate them and care about them and love them and need them and want them. I get all giddy when I get an email or a card in the mail or a phone call. But what happens is, I start to expect those things. And I start to make them part of my PLAN. And when I don't get the daily email or the phone call, I in a sense retreat. When someone tells me they are going to do something I expect them to do it. And when they don't, to me, it's a direct reflection on how they feel about me. I know, I just wrote about this the other day in another blog post entitled Wait What Did You Say. At the end of that post I wrote "Then I won't be disappointed when they don’t do what they say. I understand that we all have our own internal conflicts about what we say we want and what we are actually capable of doing. Maybe truly trusting someone, is understanding why they act the way they do." Here's the problem with that, once you start expecting less, you start to feel like you are receiving less. And when you feel like someone is giving you less than you deserve you start to not even want the little bit they are giving you.

Here's the thing. Once you have been hurt for the last time, you tend to freak out. A LOT. Sure, most of the time it's internally, but you still freak out. You always think the worst. Because too many times in the past, you thought the best and you were sadly, sadly mistaken and devastated. The truth of the matter is, there are some holes and tears, in my heart that are still mending- or a need to be replaced.

I'm always dreaming up the next move. But what I need to do is just allow "the process". I see what love is and I know that I can have it and I know I'm fully capable of giving it in return.

I'm in the process. I cannot fight it. So, I'm putting down the gloves for a second and I'm just going to let it be. I'm going to let myself sit in the "panic" for a moment and rather than flipping out, which tends to be my initial reaction, (sorry baby...I know you are reading this), I think that I'm going to roll with this. Yes, I am uncomfortable, and unsure of where this is all leading, I don't see the perfect plan, the perfect step, the booming voice of guidance isn't calling my name, and for once. It's okay.

Telling It Tuesday

If I could do it over
I'd have waited for this moment
To give my heart to you unbroken
But if our mistakes brought us together
Doesn't really matter whether
We were saints or sinners in the past
I don't care if I'm your first love
I'd just love to be your last

Excerpt from "I'd Love To Be Your Last" by Clay Walker